Please help me urgently prep for judgy friend visit!!!!!!

[ByProudDreamer]

I have a friend who is super judgemental. I suppose no longer a friend, but my husband is very close friends with her husband, so I try to tolerate her. We meet up frequently, but I try to avoid it being at our house, however at short notice, they’re coming for lunch tomorrow.

I know I shouldn’t change to try to appease anyone else, but I’ll feel more relaxed if I have my house up to a decent standard.

Anyway, hosting is absolutely not my strong point, but I want to do a bit of a buffet for them coming. I have no idea what to buy or where to start, and I also have a fair amount of cleaning to do.

Can you wise mumsnetters please help me come up with an impressive buffet lunch, with minimal effort, to feed 8 (4 adults, 3 teens and 1 younger child). I’d be very grateful for help!

Chilli crusty down in slow cooker ,bread baguette , icecream with some berries…I would t go all out on this occasion. What ever you do will be wrong so make life simple foe yourself.

I'd just do picky bits: charcuterie, cheeses, crackers, pate, dips, breads, salmon, maybe some pastries and a fruit platter to finish. If you wanted to do something easy you could do a soup and rolls and then picky bits.

The OP hasn't been back dudes.

Yes, lunch has happened. How did it go then?

I know. Rude of them imo.

Feign a migraine take to bed and leave DH to be the hostess with the mostess!

Why do you feel the need to impress?
I'd put the worst spread on just to see her whining face.

In your position, I would get professional cleaners and then a Marie Kondo organiser for 2 -3 days at £7k/day.to sort your cupboards. I would get a dental teeth whitening course, a tummy tuck, a face lift and then hire a professional stylist to sort out makeup, hair and then change your wardrobe using a personal shopper. Then I would suggest contacting local Michelin starred restaurants to see whether they do catering. In the days preceding the meetup, I would read the economist, The Times, The Guardian, the FT and a range of literature as well as poetry like Shelley, Keats and Wordsworth to engage in meaningful conversation. Anything less would invite criticism.

pinny???????? A PINNY???????

I would just buy everything in from a "nice" shop. Homemade quiche is good. Garlic bread and salad. You can get the sliced garlic bread pieces so you dont need to slice it. Decant into containers. Heat up in oven. If you can be bothered jazz salad up a bit by adding stuff eg Feta, olives. As once happened to me, I was asked for the pudding recipe my sister sent it to me via email, amazed it turned out so well, will pass it onto you through husband. Make is as easy as possible OP. Open the windows for 20 mins, Flowers and a reed diffuser. Clean the loo, hoover. 2 hours tops between you both including shopping.

@ByProudDreamer

Oh this! Please say you did this?

How did it go, OP? 😉

I really hope the OP sacked this shit off, went to the pub and got a wee bit tipsy, then rolled home and told L'il Miss Judgy (and her "D"H if he organised this) to fuck off!

Decant what into containers and why?

Thanks for explaining that sliced garlic bread does not need further slicing.

What on earth do you mean by passing on your sister's recipe to OP and via whose husband - yours or OP's?

You know this alleged lunch would have happened yesterday, don't you?

That (mad) poster is suggesting buying readymeals and decanting them out of the foil and plastic into dishes to give the impression of home made-ness. Similarly adding stuff to ready-bagged salad. She was once asked for the recipe of the purportedly homemade pudding she’d actually bought in a shop and had to pretend she’d send it on via the visiting friend’s husband.

Jeepers. Sounds like a bad sitcom.

I can't believe the insane lengths people have suggested to an OP who never even returned!

Thanks for the explanation 👍🏻

Still looks simple to me! If the visitor is so hyper-critical then a bowl of soup is all she deserves! No wine, don't need it to make things seem more complicated than they are, even though it was my birthday that day!

Oh crikey we’re still on this one

The visitors were coming on the 21st (2 days ago) and the OP hasn't been back.

Maybe the judgy friend had the OP arrested for insufficient effort? Or discovered the ready meal packaging in the kitchen bin while having a judgy snoop and is holding her hostage till she apologies and vows that next time everything will be homemade, and that she will personally slaughter the meat and grow the salad?

I’m very sorry for not returning sooner. It was a busy weekend - cleaning, cooking, hosting and then decompressing!!

Very grateful for the advice that a buffet would be more work. I went for chilli in the end, with nachos, rice and a home made guacamole.

No idea if our visitor was impressed, but they all ate a plateful, so that’s a good sign.

I’d recommend keeping it simple but just have a few themed stations that you can set up with minimal effort. Maybe something like this:

Seafood area: live lobster tank, king crab legs on ice sculptures, oysters shucked to order, beluga caviar with mother-of-pearl spoons, seafood towers

Carving station: whole roasted Wagyu ribeye, suckling pig with crackling, free-range turkey, dry-aged beef, slow-roasted lamb, various fresh sauces

Hot food station: truffle risotto, foie gras, handmade pasta, dim sum

International section: sushi and sashimi counter, tandoor oven with fresh naan, Middle Eastern mezze with premium oils, French patisserie display

Desserts: multi-tier chocolate fountain, cheesecake and macaron counters, soufflé station, ice cream bar (make some rare flavours), nice centrepiece cake

Drinks: vintage champagne bar, cocktail bar, sommelier wine area, fresh juice and smoothie station

You don’t necessarily need to include absolutely everything but maybe substitute other things if you have any other preferences.

Excellent. Glad it went well. Hopefully you included at least some of the other dishes.

Goodness, your poor DH (whose close friend's visit caused the judgy woman to come) must be exhausted after doing all that preparation, hosting and debriefing himself. I hope you haven't woken him up with your typing.

Check your email, didn't you just get that hospital appointment you were waiting for??

I'd do a massive buffet of children's party food, Dairylea triangles, Monster Munch, fruit, Penguins and party bags with toys from the 99P Stores in them....