AIBU fuming over DS16 returning home drunk

[happyandhealthy4]

DS16 went to an event in London yesterday for 16-18 year olds alongside a few friends. He returned home at midnight and reeked of alcohol. Before he left I made it very clear, don't drink or this will be the last party you go to, and yet he ignored my warning and returned home smelling very strongly of alcohol. AIBU to be very angry over this situation? When I asked him whether he been drinking and what he was drinking he initially lied but later just ignored my questions.

Is it uncommon for 16 year olds to be getting drunk at parties? How should I proceed?

You are joking right?

It's uncommon for them not to be getting drunk at parties. You say that he smelt of alcohol, but not that he was very drunk/being sick/any worrying behaviour. I think you probably need to adjust your expectations of what goes on.

It’s not uncommon
it’s a right of passage for lots of teens and underage drinking happens
are you incredibly strict with him generally?
a hangover today will be horrible for him - has he ever had alcohol at home?

This is not unusual behaviour for a 16yo.

Angry isn’t the emotion I’d feel.

It sounds like you throw around threats, he lies because he knows you’ll kick off.

And personally I’d be worried and concerned rather than angry

I think you're being unreasonable. The problem is, now you've said it you need to follow through. But expecting 16 year olds not to drink at parties is ridiculous.

Most of them do it once ime, Dd was 17 and I didn't bother to tell her off, the hangover did it for me.
She didn't do it again!

It’s not uncommon for 16 year-olds to be getting drunk at parties, no. My concern would be that if you come down hard on him, it will just increase the secrecy.

When he returned he wasn't acting drunk however I can only imagine what he state he was in at the party.

Teens should be going to parties with mates
have you told him to always stay in their group, look after each other and make sure everyone gets home safely as well as how to approach alcohol responsibly?
you’re being massively unreasonable

Don't you remember being 16, OP? Even my uber-respectable middle-aged husband remembers doing this - his Dad just laughed at him and told him to learn his lesson. (And my husband went on to have a professional career and drink responsibly as an adult).
It's completely normal, in other words. Your poor son - if he has a hangover, that will be punishment enough. Please, just be kind to him!

Then you need to relax or you'll alienate him. He's got back fine, he's not covered in vomit, and he's not drunk.

So you think he sobered up completely by midnight but an hour or so beforehand was off his face?

Drinking and getting very drunk are two different things. The positive side is that he returned home safely and was sending me messages regularly during the party letting me know that he's ok HOWEVER he smelt very strongly of alcohol and so he clearly had a lot to drink

Sadly it’s not unusual. Our society has a huge problem with alcohol. Its far too popular and consumed too much by most adults and many many teens.

Also, OP, stop insisting that he sends you messages while he's out! He's 16 - he needs some freedom.

The event started at 4pm and he returned at midnight. He had plenty time to sober up but to still smell so strongly of alcohol after such a long time indicates he must've had a lot

You are being way over the top about it. He was obviously drinking relatively sensibly as he wasnt in a state when he came home. Mine have been much worse at that age, they learn their lessons very quickly. Its so normal.

I'd say pretty normal in a lot of circles for 16 year olds to go to party and drink.

Did he put himself in danger, was he sick, was he falling down drunk, or did he have a few drinks? There's a big difference.

Blimey OP, are you posting from an Amish community or something. I don't think I ever left a party sober at the age of 16 and I was far from the world's greatest teenage rebel.

It's not uncommon and it's far better to have an open conversation with him around knowing his limits, looking out for his friends, what to do if he or one of his friends has overdone it than to lay down a no drinking rule and leave him sneaking around.

This makes no sense, he may have got quite drunk early in the day but must have stopped drinking to have been fine by then. I really dont understand what you are bothered about TBH. Hes been pretty sensible over all.

So you think he methodically timed his drinking so that by midnight he had sobered up when coming home?

You sound incredibly uptight, relax or your son is likely never to bother to see you once he turns 18. Almost all 16 year olds will drink at a party.

Your 16 year old is going to drink and going to go to parties whether you like it or not. That’s just the reality.
Overly restrictive parenting usually results in teenagers trying to rebel even more.