AIBU fuming over DS16 returning home drunk

[happyandhealthy4]

DS16 went to an event in London yesterday for 16-18 year olds alongside a few friends. He returned home at midnight and reeked of alcohol. Before he left I made it very clear, don't drink or this will be the last party you go to, and yet he ignored my warning and returned home smelling very strongly of alcohol. AIBU to be very angry over this situation? When I asked him whether he been drinking and what he was drinking he initially lied but later just ignored my questions.

Is it uncommon for 16 year olds to be getting drunk at parties? How should I proceed?

If he wants to drink he will either do so with your knowledge or secretly. Unless you control him completely. If you don't like it then punish him. You can tell him you don't approve. But ideally you want him to make his own sensible decisions. Personally Id expect a teenage boy to get drunk a few times and better that he finds his limits now than in a couple of years at uni when you arent around. If it happens regularly then step in but a couple of times isnt exactly a disaster.

Me too. I think that's why they didn't bollock me, to be fair, as my straight As never slipped and I always got up for orchestra on a Saturday, and went to my job. Any signs of slippage and the ban hammer would have come down, I suspect. As it was, some partying with my friends wasn't causing any damage.

Yes it's normal for 16 yo to drink alcohol at parties. It seems you're not really into alcohol which might be why the smell seemed so strong to you. It doesn't necessarily mean he drank lots. It would be annoying if he was acting an idiot or being sick all over the place. But otherwise I don't think you should be so strict.

Unclench OP.

I hope you are taking the comments on board. A quiet word to watch his drinking and not to go OTT will suffice. He was contactable throughout and I presume his curfew was midnight? He didn’t come home staggering and disgrace himself. You didn’t have to pick him up nor did he end up on hospital on a drip.

If you don’t let go a bit he will withdraw further as he gets older and you will end up not knowing much about what he gets up to or who with.

My dad would buy me a couple of cans of lager to drink at friends houses and parties every other week by the time I was 16.

You’re not going to build a Good relationship with him by being fuming. At 16 I was having sex (in a long term relationship), drinking & a casual drug taker. My parents were very holy & I couldn’t be honest with them about any of that. I hope my children know they can come to me if they’re contemplating any of these things. Ds is 16 & not interested in any of it so far. It’s normal for teens to drink, especially on a big night out with mates. It’s a problem if it becomes too much too regularly. Good luck

Love this.
My dad took one look at me, after my mum called him because she thought I was very ill, and said: "What comes out sleeping, came in drinking". And straight after this pearl of wisdom resumed reading his German book. I never did that again, it left me feeling so ghastly.
Mum was into the hoovering solution if people came in too late the night before.

Haha! My dad once tried to tell me my skirt was too short and i wasn't going out like that. My mum tore strips off him, despite disapproving of said skirt, as a man can't tell a woman what to wear, and reminded him of the barely there efforts she'd worn in the late 60s/early 70s. He shut up.

Bad parenting at every stage of the incident.

You can be angry and annoyed as he drank underage when you specifically told him not too. But you can't be shocked that a 16 year old did this. It sounds like he was quite sensible as well, not returning home drunk.

Bloody hell he had a few drinks. Did you really not drink as a teenager OP?

You sound massively controlling. Do you get out much, OP? Do you have a social life of your own? Just wondering if there is some jealousy going on, because frankly, your reaction is bizarre in how OTT it is.

Surely it's better that your teen went out with friends, didn't drink to the point they were vomiting and getting themselves into dangerous situations, and made it home safely?

If you bully your child they will just hide what they're doing.

I made it very clear, don't drink or this will be the last party you go to

Yeah, that worked out well, didn't it.

If you threaten them they will just lie. He's 16 and got drunk at a party. They do that. Calm down. THe hangover is usually punishment enough.

Before he left I made it very clear, don't drink or this will be the last party you go to.

It sounds like you knew there could be drinking at this event and that he might want to partake, hence the warning. You told him "don't drink" (not "don't get drunk") and set an extremely, dramatically serious consequence if he did. Did he react to this at all - agree with you, promise not to drink, even show he'd heard you?

He came home smelling of alcohol. He denied drinking. He didn't seem drunk when you saw him, and his earlier behaviour (communicating with you so you knew he was safe and well while away) suggests he was in control throughout the trip. When you asked if he'd been drinking he said no, and when you disbelieved him and continued to ask about it he began ignoring you. It's possible someone spilled a drink on him or on his jacket, etc. or he accidentally set it down somewhere where alcohol got on it. But he hasn't said so, either as the truth or as a made-up excuse.

You could ask him why his clothes smell and if he can't or won't explain, you will assume he was drinking and invoke the original consequences (this will be the last party he goes to). But how did you see those consequences playing out if he DID drink? You can't really stop a 16yo from going to another party ever again, although perhaps you can curtail his activity in the short run by not giving him money, not providing transportation, etc. But giving him consequences you have no way to enforce (and apparently never planned to enforce) IS a recipe for his doing what he wants and yes, ignoring you when you question him about it. I'd talk to him now and try to find out what happened and take it from there. But there's no point in talking if you're going to assume from the outset that he's lying.

Have you had problems with him and alcohol before?

Did you grow up outside of the UK?

Or in a religious cult?

Unfortunately this is normal OP. The drinking generally starts with the 16th birthday parties. Some parents seem to love nothing more than a house full of drunken teens, breaking things and throwing up in the garden. It baffles me, but that’s the way it is.

DS1 is 20 so I’ve years of picking him up drunk from places, and I hate it. I think he’s improving though, because he’s recently started to get proper hangovers, which is putting him off drinking. DS2 is 16 and now it’s all starting with him, although so far (fingers crossed it continues) he just has a few beers and doesn’t get wasted.

I think you have to accept it OP. But unlike some of the “cool parents” on here, you don’t have to like it!

I think you're being a little unrealistic. I first drank about that age, my dad dropped me to my first party with a bottle of cider, I didn't ever go over the top. I did the same with my daughters, they had parties at home around 16/17 with a bit of alcohol. What's the alternative? Have no drinking experience and start drinking at eighteen? Totally banning anything makes it more attractive. Being honest and realistic is the best way forward with teenagers, they're pushing boundaries and figuring things out, learning independence etc. Good luck.

He's 16!!! Not so long ago you could get married at 16. Yes, be aware he may have a few too many ciders but prohibiting this now may just lead to a breakdown in your relationship. At this age, son and his (extremely sensible) friends used to have a can or two in my garden in the summer. All still alive and have passed their degrees/have careers....

OP have you heard of the forbidden fruit? Don´t create a forbidden fruit.

Kiwi 20-20 🤣🤣🤣🤢

I haven’t read all the comments so apologies if this has already been said.

This won’t be the last time this happens, but you really don’t want it to be the last time that he comes back to your warm, safe house after a party.

White grape or strawberry 2020 for me. And blue thunderbird over red. A veritable connoisseur, 16 year old me.

If you know a helpful adult on good terms with him, ask them to advise him to keep a bucket in his room, with some kitchen roll, a glass, bottled water and cans of a sugary drink such as coke.

And not to take anything with him that he doesn't want lost or stolen.

A young teen will normally have a strong and healthy liver that will filter out the toxins and he shouldn't get much of a hangover,

Oh get a grip. His 16, not 6