AIBU fuming over DS16 returning home drunk

[happyandhealthy4]

DS16 went to an event in London yesterday for 16-18 year olds alongside a few friends. He returned home at midnight and reeked of alcohol. Before he left I made it very clear, don't drink or this will be the last party you go to, and yet he ignored my warning and returned home smelling very strongly of alcohol. AIBU to be very angry over this situation? When I asked him whether he been drinking and what he was drinking he initially lied but later just ignored my questions.

Is it uncommon for 16 year olds to be getting drunk at parties? How should I proceed?

You’d have hated me at 14 then. At a family party I got drunk on red wine and was sick in my bedroom. My mum was furious!

I agree with PP’s though. Drunkenness will happen but the more strict you are the more they’ll turn it into forbidden fruit. Maybe try telling them what gets them drunk more (wine) and giving tips like alternating drinks with water and eating a proper meal to line the stomach when drinking. Also give hangover tips.

From my experience with my dc they get drunk a couple of times at around that age but soon get over it. My older dc (25 and 20) have no interest in alcohol now. My 15yr old currently shows no interest. Likewise with their friends, they just aren’t interested- I would say we (I’m late 40s) drank far more in my teens/early 20s than those I know now do.
But op I would say don’t come down hard on him - keep communication open. He needs to know he can always call you whatever state he is in and come home whatever state he is in. Did you never get drunk when you were younger?

This is very normal teenage behaviour. It sounds like he actually handled it rather sensibly. Kept in touch with you came home when expected. Reasonably sober when you saw him. I’d have been asking questions about where the alcohol came from from but probably would just roll my eyes and put him to bed otherwise. And then a firm chat about safe drinking habits tomorrow.
He may well have had a fair bit to drink but is it also possible the smell maybe from drinks split on him??

It took me 15 years to learn to do this! Kid's ahead for his age.

You need to chill OP ! If you haven’t had a drink alcohol does smell regardless of the amount.
My children definitely had a few drinks at that age and I just fed them a bacon sandwich before going to bed and was not sympathetic the next day 🤦‍♀️
All sensible adults now and don’t drink regularly. One child doesn’t drink any alcohol and hasn’t for years.

Did you never do anything as a teen?

If you parent like this, you will lose him. He went out, had some drinks, kept in touch, came home when expected and wasn’t off his face drunk or throwing up or anything like that. Pretty sensible for a 16 year old out with friends and access to drinks.

You are the issue here. And banning him from any more events or parties? Idiotic. You will lose him.

Sobering up to me is normally something like a pastie or kebab and black coffee.

Agree. My generation definitely drank more at that age ! And still do

Have you ever drunk alcohol becuase this posts suggests that you have not.

If he was completely shit faced earlier, trust me, by the time he got home, you'd have been able to tell. Instead, this is a kid who texts you during a party and came home at, what I assume, is his curfew and did not appear to be obviously drunk. You could smell alcohol on him so yes, perhaps he had a couple of drinks. He certainly doesn't appear to have gone crazy. Or perhaps someone spilled a drink on him. Or both.

I am dreading DS coming home from parties with drinking, but I won't be crazy like this so I guess I'm ahead.

Were you of the era when Thunderbirds was the drink of choice?! At least at parties.

So you actually have no idea how much he drank? (Smell of alcohol is a red herring, I didn't used to drink at all as a teenager but still came home reeking of it).

YWBU to expect him not to drink - better that you had had a conversation about drinking sensibly and keeping himself safe. A flat out ban on parties is also unrealistic - you will simply be putting up barriers where your child will start lying to you.

Sounds like he was incredibly sensible tbh - yes he clearly had a couple of drinks but you admit that he was not shit faced and was texting you regularly to keep you updated. As others have said, if you come down on him like a ton of bricks for having a couple of drinks at a party he will likely start pushing the boundaries behind your back.

Regarding reeking of booze when he got home - spilt drink?

Don't you remember being 16?
You're setting yourself up for him to do things behind your back if you over reacting at a 16 year old having a drink at a party. He wasn't showing signs of being drunk when he got in so sounds like he was pretty responsible.
Perfectly normal behaviour for his age. Chill out a bit.

Nothing worst than controlling parents at 16.

I hope your son is making plans to move out at 18.

Well, of course you can “only imagine “. You weren’t there. But there’s no need for your imagination to catastrophise.

You won’t get the behaviour you want by kicking off. You’re like dog owners who call and call their dogs and then when the dog eventually returns, they yell at the dog. He won’t want to be coming back to you if you behave like this.

How he behaves will reflect his learned values and the support he gets as he spreads his wings.

Assumption.

I once was assumed to be steaming drunk because i stank of beer; after being out in a pub beer garden and having a pint of beer spilled on my pants when the table tipped.

Was he around drink - most definitely.
Was he drunk - you said not, from what you saw, so you're filling the blanks and doing yourself more damage being the overbearing parent.

2+2 doesnt always = 4

Calm down. Good grief. Clutch your pearls any tighter and you will choke yourself…

I’m not sure this thread is going quite the way that OP wanted!

Okay so lets break this down.

Why didnt you want him to drink, what were your concerns?
What are your expectations re: teens and drinking? What do you think is normal at 16?
What's he like otherwise? Fairly normal teen or is there backstory here?

Err yeah! That is usual behaviour, time to embrace it 😊

Ease up on him OP.
I done this and barely drank in my 20's & 30's. Now I do enjoy a drink again that my DD's are grown up with their own families
My DD's both done this and now both are pretty much tee total.
It's part of growing up

What sort of event for 16-18 year olds has alcohol from 4pm?

But yes you are being v unreasonable.
He will smell of alcohol if alcohol was available - it's quite likely that someone will have spilled their drink over him at least once.

If he was not obviously drunk when he got in, he is highly unlikely to have been drunk earlier in the evening.

How did he get home?

You really need to loosen up a bit or the next few years are going to be very difficult indeed.

Poor kid

It doesn't matter.
He's 16 and this is normal behaviour.

It's a rite of passage at this age.

it really doesn’t take much to reek of alcohol. One sip of something stupidly strong would do it as would anything that may have been spilt on him.