To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

Don’t tell her. You have a double standard. Do you think the men who use your services don’t deserve to have e life free from blackmail. How would you fell if, on meeting you, he tells her you worked as an escort

1. Who said anything about blackmail?
2. Wouldnt care less, she knows!

However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her?

Come on now, seriously? Get of the moral high horse here. Its absolutely nothing to do with you that her bf engaged escorts historically, let alone a moral obligation.

Fair enough if you had data that he had battered his last girlfriend to death, id be advising her to check Clares law or something like that but this; absolutely not.

Keep out of other peoples relationships.

Would it bother her that he has used escorts in the past?

Were you just company for him or did you have sex, I.e. you were prostituting yourself, not just an escort?

I’m not being funny, but morals, seriously! Leave them to it, unless he’s abusive etc, let them get on with it and enjoy their love

I’m surprised by these comments.

How did your friend feel about your line of work? I think if you know this is something she wouldn’t like in a man then you need to tell her. Stuff tends to eventually come out.

It might not be about the disclosure of him using an escort but more that the two of you know each other, if you are in each other's company will you pretend not to recognize him, and him with you, will.he tell her and then you are left looking dishonest

Also how many threads have we seen on here where once a guy uses these services they never really stop and then th women finds out and if you are a close friend it could be a situation where she then confines in you. I think it would depend on how close you are for what you do here.

I would leave it TBH.it was a few years ago and it's one thing knowing about.it.another to bring up her BF! You may lose her friendship

You obviously have no moral objection to people paying for sex since you accepted money in exchange for sex.

Your friend knows about your job. Was she ok with it?

You can’t really claim that is ok to use an escort when you wanted the money and now say that you think it’s wrong and the guy isn’t good enough for your friend. And if she was ok with your line of work then why would she reject a man using it?

Sorry, but pot kettle black. You’re going to go around dobbing in any former client who paid you money to have sex when you see them with a woman? Or just the ones with your friends?

By that point I was offering minimal sexual services, I was mainly domination only so he saw me for that.

I imagine it would bother her yes.

Keep your beak out of it

Contrary to the other posters, I think it would be kind of weird if you DIDN’T mention it.

For example, if I’d dated “John” a few years ago and we’d had sex several times, and then a friend of mine started dating John (by sheer coincidence and not having known him when he was dating me), I would definitely say “how funny, I used to date John back in the day, he was a decent chap but we didn’t work out.” I certainly wouldn’t hide it from her.

You’re in a similar situation, but your sexual services were paid for. How would your friend feel in the future if you met up at a party/gathering/whatever and it was obvious you knew each other and you hadn’t told her about him?

I think your friend has the right to an informed decision about her sexual partner, and if he’s an honest man he may have even disclosed using escorts in the past to her.

She’s either ok with dating a man who has paid for sex workers, in which case it won’t matter to her, or she’s not, in which case she should know about it.

If you were a doctor or therapist you wouldn’t tell her he’s been a patient.
but it depends if you feel you owe more to your friend or your clients. Could he ruin your business by telling other clients you’re not discreet?

if you don’t tell her don’t tell ANYONE. Only tell her if she’s really ethically against sex worker usage and you know she wouldn’t date a man who’s ever used one.

Hmm I'm not sure. I think (escorting aside) if the friend found out in the future that you had previously had sex with her boyfriend, it's likely to be quite upsetting to her that you didn't tell her.

I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her?

If you didn't prostitute yourself and were trafficked, then please tell her (and also the police).

If you willingly prostituted yourself but now have changed your mind and think that paying for sex is immoral, then good for you, and go ahead and tell her.

But if you continue to be pro prostitution then it would be hypocritical to tell her, no? And frankly, it's confusing that you then claim to have a moral obligation to tell her.

I’m not in the industry anymore so that wouldn’t be an issue

More or less so if you’d slept with him a few times non paid eg at a swingers party or a hook up app?

Would you be ok if he told your friends and family that you were an escort?

How did your friend feel about the men using your services? Is this something that would be an absolute like in the sandfor her?

I think it maybe along the lines of I’d want to know if my boyfriend had sex with one of my friends, over whether I’d be curious if my boyfriend had ever paid for sex

She always enjoyed the odd story but I know her view of those paying wasn’t a positive one.

I'm also surprised by first couple of comments, feels like maybe they were written by men?

It's a perfectly legitimate dilemma for you to have and a good question. Tricky one. For me I'd err on the side of telling her asap because the earlier the easier I think. If it becomes serious and this is a secret that you've both held on to for years she will feel really betrayed, way more than if you tell her now that you think you might recognise him from former experience. Say it quite casually maybe and ask for more pictures.

also- it Is useful info for her that he used an escort, i would want to know if my partner did and she deserves to know imo.

You know your friend better but yes the earlier you tell her the better imo

I think you’ll have to say that you know him and where from, as the PP has said you may end up in a situation where you otherwise will have to pretend you don’t know him which could become quite a tricky situation.

An escort is a polite way of saying prostitute so yes he pays for sex.