To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

Surely this is the same as if you dated this bloke? You’d tell her then.

Interesting responses. I would tell her.

How would you feel if he tells your friend he knows you because you were a sex worker he used to visit?

This is just all so spot on!!!!

This is a difficult one. But I would want to know if my partner had been sexual in any way with my mate, regardless of that being before we got together and was part of her former job and it was a purchase of services, I'd not want to be with them because it'd give me the ick.

I think if you had sex with him and you know it would bother her to be with someone who uses/has used prostitutes, I’d tell her.

It’s interesting though that she has no problem with you having been an ‘escort’/sex worker, but it would bother her that he used/uses (?) people like you.

The friend already knows.

The thread is only two pages long. It won't take you that much energy to scroll down and see the OP already answered that. Geez!

No doubt it would be awkward to tell her but much worse if she finds out later.

You should tell her, a friend of mine (K) slept with her friend’s (N) boyfriend years ago when they were both single, she didn’t say anything as she felt it wasn’t relevant now, he then told his gf (N) and she was outraged that her close friend didn’t tell her she’s had sex with her boyfriend, she said if she would have known she wouldn’t have dated him, it was friendship ending.

Absolutely tell her. As someone whose marriage ended because I found out he had been using escorts, I would absolutely have wanted to know this

I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her.

Guess you found those morals since stopping.

Well, one of you will get the cold shoulder after your 'news'.

Don't assume it will be him.

Your friend needs to have an opportunity to make an informed decision about this relationship, She may decide it is a dealbreaker or she may decide it's not. But either way she needs full information.
Providing you are 100% certain this is indeed your former client.

Why are people getting all weird and judgemental? She's never said she is judging him morally at any point - just whether she owes it to her friend to tell her that she's has relations with him? Stop being weirdly protective of this random man. Women sharing info with each other is really important and she is not planning to say anything negative- just something factual.

I would 100% want to know

For those trying to shame me and quoting morality etc. I have no regrets - I travelled the world when young, own my house and have funded further studies for my current career. So it has been life changing in many ways.

I would absolutely want to know and would feel incredibly betrayed by you as a friend if you kept this information from me.

Tell her.

If you (and as far as you know) she are both fine and not judged about people being escorts then why would it not be fine about people using escorts.

What's your reasoning for telling her, what do you expect her to do with that information? Would you tell her if he was someone you'd had a relationship or ONS with?

Is your expectation that she will go "oh he uses escorts and therefore isn't boyfriend material"?

OP, this all hinges on what your friend thinks of sex-buyers.

If it was me, I'd want to know so I could dump him, but I'm not her.

Surely part of doing that job is to be discreet and keep things confidential? If you were happy to spend this man’s money, then you should behave ‘professionally’.

Wow people are judgemental.

I would tell her OP then she can do what she likes with the information. It’s sad if she is super happy but if she finds out she may be even more angry you didn’t tell her.

OP stopped working as an escort two years ago so I don’t think it matters about her former business any more!

That’s a good question, I don’t expect her to do anything. Other than consider the information and do as she pleases. If that means ignoring it and ignoring me, so be it.

We weren't 'quoting morality' we were quoting you, who raised morality in your OP