Boyfriend and his priorities..

[backtoplana]

AIBU?

My boyfriend and I moved to a different country a year ago, and due to trying to sort accommodation, jobs, visas etc, I’ve found it really hard to make friends here and am actively trying to branch out and meet new people.. but right now my boyfriend is the only person I have here and so I am not currently filling my ‘spare time’ with any girlfriends.

For the next month, we have been given reduced working hours so both of us are due to finish our jobs at 3pm instead of 5pm. I had asked him recently what we should do with our afternoons, and he told me he’s not leaving the office early and he’s going to stay there to continue working until the usual finish time.

I asked him why and he said he is trying to continue his learning and up spilling - which i understand and its commendable - but this is where I struggle to control my disappointment…

every evening without fail he will go on an evening walk, usually takes around 2 hours whilst I’m at home cooking dinner, cleaning, tidying up - and he often doesn’t get home until 7-7.30pm at the earliest.

EVERY. Single. Night.

I have tried several times to explain that I struggle with the fact we don’t really have any time together, he seems to prioritise work and the things that makes him happy whilst I stay home and make sure things actually get done - I always have his clothes clean, dinner on the table when he returns…

He says I’m being controlling and I should accept that he wants to spend his time his own way.

out of interest I asked him what the situation would be if in the future we had children.. would he still stay late at work when he doesn’t have to, go on his evening walks etc? He replied ‘yes of course I will do the things I want to do’ so I’m feeling really torn.

I am just sad that he doesn’t seem to prioritise or value me.

Am I being unreasonable?

Hmm, it’s a difficult one. I don’t think it’s as cut and dried as it sounds. 2 hours cleaning every night is a lot of cleaning. How big is your house?

does the new country have a language barrier? Could you take an evening class?

could you suggest going on the walk with him? An evening walk is lovely if the weather’s nice.

i do agree to the sentiment that you need to lay down boundaries that the cooking is not your job. He needs to pull his weight. But i feel you need to strike out and find an activity for yourself.

If this were me, by the time he returned from his precious walk, I’d have made and eaten my tea (no second portion left for him), sorted my own cleaning and washing (leave his) and gone out to do my own thing.

I’d be busy making friends and also looking for my own accommodation.

You’ve unfortunately got a lazy, selfish man-child who’s happy to treat you like the unpaid help. It won’t improve. Do yourself a favour and move on.

In the meantime, if you want to spend the money THAT YOU’VE EARNED then do it. None of his business.

Why not just make dinner for yourself at a time you want it, OP? He can then make something when he gets in