Boyfriend and his priorities..

[backtoplana]

AIBU?

My boyfriend and I moved to a different country a year ago, and due to trying to sort accommodation, jobs, visas etc, I’ve found it really hard to make friends here and am actively trying to branch out and meet new people.. but right now my boyfriend is the only person I have here and so I am not currently filling my ‘spare time’ with any girlfriends.

For the next month, we have been given reduced working hours so both of us are due to finish our jobs at 3pm instead of 5pm. I had asked him recently what we should do with our afternoons, and he told me he’s not leaving the office early and he’s going to stay there to continue working until the usual finish time.

I asked him why and he said he is trying to continue his learning and up spilling - which i understand and its commendable - but this is where I struggle to control my disappointment…

every evening without fail he will go on an evening walk, usually takes around 2 hours whilst I’m at home cooking dinner, cleaning, tidying up - and he often doesn’t get home until 7-7.30pm at the earliest.

EVERY. Single. Night.

I have tried several times to explain that I struggle with the fact we don’t really have any time together, he seems to prioritise work and the things that makes him happy whilst I stay home and make sure things actually get done - I always have his clothes clean, dinner on the table when he returns…

He says I’m being controlling and I should accept that he wants to spend his time his own way.

out of interest I asked him what the situation would be if in the future we had children.. would he still stay late at work when he doesn’t have to, go on his evening walks etc? He replied ‘yes of course I will do the things I want to do’ so I’m feeling really torn.

I am just sad that he doesn’t seem to prioritise or value me.

Am I being unreasonable?

Am I right in thinking Ramadan? None of our MENA team do a minute over 3,I thought it was against the rules? Or just for those observing?

I find it hard to believe he’s going on 2 hour walks. I think he’s doing something else. For this reason I think you should go with him as best you can - what is your physical condition? - and get taxi home?
and yes, I echo, don’t marry this man

Also do much less cooking and cleaning and ask him to do his share.

He is selfish, unwilling to compromise, allowing you to take on all housework and chores. Isn’t interested in your happiness, is not willing to help you feel more settled, chooses to do everything else other than spend quality time with you.

leave. You get one life, do not waste it on this man, he will continue to take from you whilst giving you Nothing in return and most likely expecting you to be grateful for anything he does do.

life can be so good when you’re with the right person. A relationship should be fun, exciting, working towards your goals, working as a team, prioritising each other and enhancing each others lives . Don’t waste your life.

Wow! He definitely sounds like a keeper! Lucky you!!!!

You’re his maid, not his partner. It’s not going to change either. You have two choices:

1. Put up with it
2. Leave

He has told you who he is and his expectations of you. Believe him.

He's expecting you to do all this housework. Do you want to me his maid?
Is he making you happy? If not, why are you together?
As he's already told you he will affectively be an absent father please don't have kids with him. Listen to what he's telling you.

Looks like you're right.

https://www.timeoutdubai.com/ramadan/ramadan-working-hours-2026-official

@backtoplana This has nothing to do with how many people you know, how many friends you have or dont have in this new country. Or your proximity to work and weather you do or do not drive.

This has everything to do with how your partner views you and how he thinks he can do whatever he likes.

He has told you he would continue this behaviour if you had children so he's not going to change.

I'm sorry - you either decide to accept this - or you leave.

Start planning where you want to leave to - either coming back to your home country or move to a different location where you are where you will be able to meet new friends and build a social life on your own. Do not have a baby with this man.

Throw this one back & move to where there other expats. Build a great life for yourself.

F this shit OP. Get someone who cares!!!

This is not a good relationship. You're basically his skivvy.

Honestly, stop doing all the grunt work, start living your life however that looks. This man has you around because it suits him. Start putting yourself and your life first.

How can you not see that you're his unpaid skivvy that he gets to fuck as well?

Where on earth is your pride?

Dump him, go home and get some therapy for your non-existent self esteem.

Whatever you do next, it's your decision.

You know exactly what he is like and he has literally told you how life will be if you have children.

If that's enough for you then carry on. He won't change. So don't imagine otherwise.

OP, you're not living in the right country, you're not even living in the right part of the country that suits you, given you don't drive, and you're not living with a man who values you. What you are is a housemaid to that man. Why on earth would you do all the housework?

You're really lucky in that you can work from home, so can decide where to live. You have a free choice - which country would you like to live in and what kind of area within that country? Don't take him into account here - where would YOU like to live?

If you want to make friends , then the earlier work finish times are a great opportunity for you to join clubs/ activities and explore the area.

You’re not going to make friends stuck at home, and you’re less likely to make them if you are attached at the hip to your boyfriend, I can see both sides- you seem unwilling to spend time with anyone other than him. Maybe he finds it suffocating - I wouldn’t want to be with my husband every afternoon, evening and weekend. We both like our own space at times also.

But you also don’t have to cook for him and do all the house chores he refuses to do.

What chores prevent you from doing things in the evening outside the house?

Seems like you’re just there to help pay the rent and to cook and clean for him.
I would leave and let him get on with his bloody upskilling alone. He’s a user.

You can work from home, so can do that anywhere. Move somewhere else and do not have a baby with this man.

OP has said they moved for her job and he took on a new job - perhaps that’s the compromise he felt he made. But he didn’t force the move and have her come along to be the maid - I suspect the relationship has been out of kilter for a long while even before the move

OP also says she wants kids one day so it sounds like that needs to be her focus with a new relationship with someone on the same page as this relationship is not going to work out

I don't know if you remeber or saw the thread, but there was a woman upset her boyfriend kept going out to the hairdressers and taking ages.He was meeting someone else when he should have been at the hairdressers.
I think the couple had also moved away from tjeir home country.
Hopefully not that, but it does seem very strange.I echo please do not have children with him, he seems very selfish.

You finish work at 3pm. You could do all your jobs at home including prepping dinner between 3-5.30 and then go and join him for a walk if you wanted to. That said though, I do wonder what jobs you have that take up so much of your time.

That aside, I really think you need to grant a think about whether this is the man for you. He isn’t prioritising you, doesn’t want to spend time with you, calls you controlling. Get it whilst you can.

Just dump him

He tells you you're stopping him doing what he wants to do and he feels this is wrong, while shooting down everything you want to do. In some ways who is right and wrong is irrelevant, you've got a completely different view for how your family life should function, you're never going to make one another happy long term when the way you enjoy your life is so fundamentally different.

The regulations are 2 hours less work a day, for everyone. However, no one is going to fine a non-Muslim or even a Muslim who voluntarily does more than is required.

Ah ok,thank you for clarifying.