To be upset that colleagues think I'm cosplaying?

[Dalmatianshoes]

I've worked in a gastropub 3 shifts a week for about 18 months now since my youngest DC of 3 turned 15.

Dh has long commutes or overnights with work and I have caring responsibilities for elderly parents and 3 springer spaniels so I only really get a 5 ish hour window in the day to work which is why evenings and weekends in hospitality work best for me.

I was happily SAHM for the 3 DC for 17 years am now 49.

As the 2 oldest are at university now and the youngest happy to be alone some evenings I made the decision to take a job for a little bit of structure in my life.

I worked in hospitality as a teen and then in Banking prior to DC.

Finances weren't a driving force for getting a job. Just life enhancement really.

I absolutely love the job and being around my colleagues; a lot of them at teenagers and I enjoy the company and the working environment.

On valentines evening I headed out to the recycling store and overhead colleagues (I thought friends 😭) talking about me being a rich bitch and taking the job from someone poorer and I'm just playing at my job.

AIBU to be hurt by these comments?

So are you saying that you and your husband are wealthy, and you are working for pleasure rather than the money?

If so, this is of course your prerogative. But if jobs are scarce in your area I can see why people might find it annoying (even though they are unreasonable). If there are plenty of jobs available though, they are doubly unreasonable!

If you are wealthy, you could consider volunteering work instead IF you want to, purely for your own sake because you might actually get more out of it. Generally I have enjoyed jobs/roles better when I have been contributing to something worthwhile, rather than either making my rich boss richer or doing something non-essential like making coffees. I've loved planting trees, community path maintenance, and helping at a cafe staffed by people with learning disabilities. All much better than pouring pints for money!

I am sorry they spoke about you like that. There are many, many women with caring responsibilities who have no option other than to do jobs for which they might be massively overqualified. The majority of my friends and family have been in that situation, at least temporarily.

Personally I’d be raising a formal complaint into these comments. It’s completely unacceptable to be saying things like this and they need to be told that.

You don't owe anyone an explanation. If you enjoy the job and it gives you a certain amount of independence there's a lot to be said for it. It helps with NI credits for retirement and it means you have security if your husband did do a runner. It's also good for your mental wellbeing.

They are jealous and they'd have something to say if you didn't have a job too. So you can't win.

You do you. They wouldn't think twice about it if things were reversed.

Of course you are not unreasonable to be hurt by overhearing people make negative assumptions about you.

If you're good at your job it is no one else's business why you do it - whether for money, independence, security, routine, structure, socialisation or any other reason under the sun.

I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue in this situation. I wouldn't bother my boss with it I would just honestly tell them what I had heard them say, and that not only is it rude to make assumptions and cast aspersions, but it's also unkind.

@Macadamian Hang on.. whats wrong with earning money by pouring pints etc? Why is one thing worthier than another. You make it sound like those jobs are only fit for the deserving poor.

If we all worried about taking a job from someone who needs it more how would that work?

Ignore what your colleagues think OP - they are wet behind the ears. Although I do think you should call them out on it though.

Yes that sums it up really. Not excessively wealthy but certainly comfortable.

I already volunteer at a charity shop locally.

There's a large turnover of staff (I'm one of the longest serving) and they're always on the look out for more, so I know I'm not job stealing tbh.

I just genuinely enjoy it and see it as a pleasant experience and look forward to doing it each time.

Am not going to call them out, I won't rock the boat. Just smother my feelings and carry on as normal.

That's always been my style.

That's unhealthy. It's not rocking the boat to take people to task for unpleasant behaviour - heck they might even learn something.

You must have said or implied something to them about not needing the money, as otherwise how would they know? Of course, it's your perogative to take any job you wish but it might have irritated them to know you could do without it if they have struggled to get jobs themselves or know people who do. It might also give off a sense of superiority.

It's very rude of them to comment within your hearing though. I'd ignore it and try to watch what I said in future.

I would have to say something to them would you be able to let them know you heard them then just leave it ? It is nobodies business why you are working there and it sounds like you are a stable employee, the younger ones see it as a stop gap i think.

If they are struggling to pay bills on the low wages of service industry jobs, it's understandable (though not excusable) why they resent someone who does the job for fun. I also think it is possible for them to genuinely like you as a person and co-worker and still think you are cosplaying. It's possible to like people you are jealous of. And loads of people bitch about their friends behind their backs. I can't stand this, but it is common.

In your position I might feel a lot less happy and confident interacting with them. Maybe look for a similar position elsewhere and keep your financial position a bit quieter next time.

Well if you genuinely love it then obviously it is rewarding for you, so crack on! Either address their comments or just ignore them - whichever is your preference for tackling rude people in general.

@Sidebeforeself I didn't say that. I said that IF you don't need the money, there is no point doing paid work which you find moderately enjoyable when you could instead do voluntary work which you find really enjoyable. If remuneration is not required, spend your hours doing something fabulous.
I didn't say bar work was awful. I said I personally preferred planting trees. Someone else might think the opposite and that's fine.

I think that might be quite a good come back, 'If I'm stealing someone's job how come we have always got vacancies and hardly anyone lasts more than a month? Nobody wants to work here mate.'

I'm sorry that you overheard that and I'm sure it hurt.

However, they aren't completely wrong. You are working when you don't need to for the money and it's tough out there for younger people who do need the money to find something.

I think the mistake you made was ever being so open with colleagues that they know your financial situation to this extent.

I think the same of my top boss although she is a multi millionaire many times over and in a coveted position of which there are very few roles at that level so I do think she’s preventing someone who might need that salary.

I'm sure she couldn’t give two hoots what I think of her.

I’d suggest trying the same approach with your colleagues.

I am shocked people are suggesting a nearly 50yo woman complains about some teenagers whom she accidentally overheard talking about her.

the manager isn’t going to give a shit and relationships will be worse than ever!

You don't have to justify why you have a job! Obviously if you were hired you were a better candidate than others who may have applied, regardless of who 'needs' the money more.

It sounds as if your colleagues are younger than you. Can you turn this situation around and maybe act as a mentor to them? You have so much experience (from life situations and work) that you could offer them - and seeing that might make them appreciate more what you do?

Probably in future, don't tell your colleagues much about your home life. Did they make assumptions about your wealth or have you said something to imply that money isn't an issue? This can cause jealousy when others are struggling.

On the whole, I wouldn't assume that colleagues are friends. Be guarded about your personal life because if you tell people too much, it can backfire.

I thought this.

OP are they younger than you?

Are you dressed up as a fictional character as you are working?

I had this from workmates years ago. My husband worked in banking and some people assumed we were loaded. I had 3 kids from a previous marriage, no child maintenance from EXH. My current hubby had one child who he paid CM for and we had another one together. DH had to sell up and pay Exw half, so he mortgaged himself to the limit to buy in a nice area. I had to worked 7 days a week as a carer to make ends meet. We were pretty skint but I overheard another couple of carers bitching " oh she lives in a mansion blah blah "
I didnt clean up shit for fun, I can assure you!!

You don't need to justify your job to anyone. But perhaps you have been a bit too open about your situation. They're colleagues, not friends (and now you really know they are not friends!)

I wouldn't be offering anything to people who said something like that about me. I would be giving them a wide berth.

Yes, it's upsetting to discover that people you thought of as friends really are not.

Start up a conversation about how important it is for women to work, how many women are left in precarious situations because they haven’t worked, don’t have their own pensions, etc. Might make them rethink!

But I do agree that it sounds like you might have been a bit too open about your finances (even indirectly), to a group of people in a very different financial position to you.