To be upset that colleagues think I'm cosplaying?

[Dalmatianshoes]

I've worked in a gastropub 3 shifts a week for about 18 months now since my youngest DC of 3 turned 15.

Dh has long commutes or overnights with work and I have caring responsibilities for elderly parents and 3 springer spaniels so I only really get a 5 ish hour window in the day to work which is why evenings and weekends in hospitality work best for me.

I was happily SAHM for the 3 DC for 17 years am now 49.

As the 2 oldest are at university now and the youngest happy to be alone some evenings I made the decision to take a job for a little bit of structure in my life.

I worked in hospitality as a teen and then in Banking prior to DC.

Finances weren't a driving force for getting a job. Just life enhancement really.

I absolutely love the job and being around my colleagues; a lot of them at teenagers and I enjoy the company and the working environment.

On valentines evening I headed out to the recycling store and overhead colleagues (I thought friends 😭) talking about me being a rich bitch and taking the job from someone poorer and I'm just playing at my job.

AIBU to be hurt by these comments?

That is a valid, contemporary use of the word. You have used it properly.

[adds cromulent to my list of words to drop into conversation tomorrow]

That sounds embiggening.

Ha! One word at a time please, otherwise my colleagues might think I'm cosplaying at being super clever!

People can be bitter. Peoppe stuck in circumstances can be especially bitter.
Coming from a large family that one side did well and the other lives in extreme poverty, some people can not see past their noses and can be disgusted by people that do well for themselves.
Its just a fact of life that some people think like this.
If you like your job then just keep doing it. But bitter people with not much to lose can be dangerous to be around so keep your guard up.

People had 17 years to take the job before OP came back to the job market

And the colleagues in question have no right to take that away from you, OP. I hope one way or another you'll brush off the catty comments and get on with enjoying your job. Focus on the interactions with the people who appreciate you in that role - you're public-facing and I bet there are many, because you come across as a genuinely nice person. The detractors have a lot to learn, whether they realise it or not. In fact, I bet they could learn a lot about basic decency from you.

If you use "cromulent" or "embiggening", they'll think you're a Simpsons fan - both were coined towards the end of this short clip.

That's what I would do also, but I would be pulling back on any "friendship" with these colleagues. Just do your job well and ignore them other than being polite.

You used the term perfectly well @Dalmatianshoes and a great analogy. Some posters are being disingenuous. Not pleasant. You are clearly more educated.

I‘m sorry you overhead this. They are being mean. You clearly haven’t stolen anyone’s job as they have vacancies and frankly there’s no such thing. No one is owed a job. Are these the same kind of people who complain about benefit cheats/immigrants/insert whoever?

@MaggieBsBoat

I wasn't being disingenuous - I have never heard it used in this context, but plenty of others have agreed with you (and OP!).

I am also old - and I have learnt something today.

Absolutely. The women of the past worked hard to campaign for the equal right to work. I was born in the early 60s and even my first boyfriend felt women shouldn’t work (as he told me while I was studying for a degree). Is anyone telling OP’s husband he should volunteer in a charity shop as he has enough money? Thought not.
and where does that line of reasoning end? Once you have 50k in savings do you bow out of the workforce for a few years to give someone else a chance to work? How do you decide who deserves your job?

But in what time frame? I could survive a few years but would be poor in retirement.

I opened the thread purely to find out about the mistaken cosplaying and while you didn't mean what I thought you meant, it makes perfect sense (it's like in Common People, isn't it?)

You'd probably fit in better with an evening shift at Waitrose tbh!

But if you enjoy the pub, why not? You're probably more of an age with the regulars than the young staff are?

Ageism is never pretty and the UK is ageing.

ha I was also thinking long there was an awful lot of irrelevant backstory and get to the dressing up bit already! Luckily I have the ability to read and concentrate for more than 20 seconds and get the relevance now. I think it’s an unconventional but absolutely fine use of the word cosplay.

people have jobs for many reasons with money to live off being one reason. But there are plenty of others and independence and self worth and he social aspects are equally valid.

the colleagues sound like they’re perhaps a bit bitter of your circumstances. You say you thought of them as friends but they sound a bit like petukant teenagers who possibly tried to get their mate a job so they could socialise with them (instead of you) but their friend wasn’t hired probably because they didn’t meet the requirements. Presumably you’re more trustworthy and reliable that’s golden in your job. You probably bring a lot more for management than a flaky teenager does.

if you enjoy it then crack on but I guess reassess whether you’re actually friends. Or if you’re colleagues who get on quite well. It’s hard to have friends from different backgrounds without motivations for doing anything clashing.

I've never heard cosplaying used in this context but when I read the OP I thought it made perfect sense and was a good descriptor.
I approve.

Well cosplay made perfect sense to me and I also thought pulp common people. But it’s not their business ay all and if it’s working for you do it. I work in a low paid area of legal and lots of women in team fall into the don’t need to work to survive category. They’d be stuffed without us. We aren’t diverse, predominantly mc female and I’ve made point in past that low pay leads to women working for pin money. You enjoy it and it fits with your life that’s end of it, I wouldn’t be drawn further. No one knows what is around corner - death, divorce - having a work history and ability to support self is important.

But maybe she doesn't want to rely on her husband. On a lot of postings previously women are put down for relying on husbands.

Echo others. You have every right up work and your employer has every right to employ you. If you start factoring who is more in need of the cash you end up making discriminatory decisions e.g giving the pay rise to the man with two kids over the woman without kids whose husband has a good job etc.

But those saying that there are loads of jobs in hospitality are wrong. I have a teenager who is struggling to get retail or hospitality jobs - it is super-hard atm. I’d say about 5% of applications result in any kind of follow up, and it is frustrating to go to an assessment centre for a minimum wage, seasonal hospitality job, realise your competition is a bunch of middle aged women looking to get out of the house, and then get rejected for having less experience.

You do you. No need to explain anything to anyone.

The problem with people: we judge everyone else through our own experience as a benchmark. Which is, of course, wrong. But it's human nature.

Do what makes you happy. You have the good fortune to be able to walk away from things/people/situations that don't suit you.... If you want to. But also, weigh this against the pervasive ignorance of the general public, when you do.

Remember, as well: only you know you. No one else, sadly, does. I've seen best friends become sworn enemies....and so has everyone in this world. Says it all.

Hugs and positive vibes. You go girl!

I can fully empathise with you OP. I experienced this a lot when I worked and my DD1 was a baby. It’s fair to say that I didn’t need to work financially but I loved my job. It was definitely part of my identity but I felt the judgement. I became a SAHM when I had DD2 and I truly mourned the loss of my career 🙁

What an incredibly misogynistic attitude these two have! Women with wealthy husbands have no business in the workplace because they are stealing jobs, and should rely only on their husband’s income? Wow.

Working in a pub isn’t just pulling pints . There is a social aspect to it , you are meeting people , chatting to people. It makes life interesting. Well done for planting trees though.

If you've been a stay at home mum you've probably not got full stamp so working is essential, you need 35 years for full state pension.