To be upset that colleagues think I'm cosplaying?

[Dalmatianshoes]

I've worked in a gastropub 3 shifts a week for about 18 months now since my youngest DC of 3 turned 15.

Dh has long commutes or overnights with work and I have caring responsibilities for elderly parents and 3 springer spaniels so I only really get a 5 ish hour window in the day to work which is why evenings and weekends in hospitality work best for me.

I was happily SAHM for the 3 DC for 17 years am now 49.

As the 2 oldest are at university now and the youngest happy to be alone some evenings I made the decision to take a job for a little bit of structure in my life.

I worked in hospitality as a teen and then in Banking prior to DC.

Finances weren't a driving force for getting a job. Just life enhancement really.

I absolutely love the job and being around my colleagues; a lot of them at teenagers and I enjoy the company and the working environment.

On valentines evening I headed out to the recycling store and overhead colleagues (I thought friends 😭) talking about me being a rich bitch and taking the job from someone poorer and I'm just playing at my job.

AIBU to be hurt by these comments?

Absolutely bizarre.

Isn't cos playing dressing up as a fictional character?? Ie. Fancy dress? So confused this thread is not what I thought it would be!

You’re not unreasonable to be hurt by the comments, but I do wonder if you’ve inadvertently given an impression of wealth/having an easy life, and it’s that that niggled at your colleagues not you personally.

For example, why mention going to the Wimbledon Final because your colleagues ‘wouldn’t know what hotel you stayed in’? Just don’t mention it. You don’t need to be truthful. If they ask what you did at the weekend and you had two nights in a luxury hotel in Venice, just say, “Nothing much. How about you? Did you have a good weekend?”

Also, as you don’t need the job, perhaps that gives you an air of being disconnected from it somehow, above it all almost, because you don’t have to worry if you lose it?

Excellent post 👍

This is where we need a thumbs down emoji. It is not better to make yourself financially vulnerable and anyone encouraging someone to do that is quite frankly an idiot.

Although I'm autistic, and took the heading literally at first, I see what you mean...I think that could be a good word to use for this meaning.
But they're just being mean, I can totally understand wanting to do a job because you want to. I'm assuming they might be resentful that you enjoy working and they don't. They might be resentful of what people our age have and can do. My DP is a generation younger than me, I find some things about my generation get his friends annoyed (though not me personally), such as how my student loans were so low, and I was able to get and pay off a mortgage at a younger age. I get the feeling they're often angry for the current situation for young people.

OP it is a horrible feeling, but your colleagues are generally not your friends. I have left jobs and colleagues I have been really close to, seeing them outside work time, messaging lots, have just not responded to my messages. The silence is deafening. It hurts, but you enjoy your work, I am sure your boss appreciates your stability so ignore them and crack on. Personally I would be tempted to confront whoever had the comment, say you overheard it and watch them squirm. I would not go bothering the manager about it, brings you to their level. It sounds like you are doing a good job at a job you like. Crack on maybe be a bit more mindful of discussing finances

This nonsense needs to stop now.

Why would you ignore it ? Some would say that's what a woman's response should be - 'be kind' 'be nice' 'don't rock the boat' and smile.
You're not styling anything OP it just makes you look like a door mat and people can wipe their feet on you with stupid comments like these stupid immature colleagues who you call friends. They're not friends, they wouldn't talk about you like that if you were friends, they are only people you work with.

I would term it differently but would rise above it. I’m certainly not a doormat but if I’m going to take someone on then there needs to be a point. They have outed themselves as immature arseholes who are likely to be moving on soon. So I’d let them crack on.

There really is power in the ignoring. Don’t argue with stupid.

Why are people so absolutely horrible?

Motivations for taking jobs vary- and are none of your colleagues business, so tell them straight you find it hurtful.

There are some odd folk on this thread. Sexist, ageist nonsense.

everyone is entitled to work.

reading some of the nonsense here makes me understand how society rationalized paying men more than women for the same job for decades because ‘they had families to support’.

morally/ethically wrong yet people have used morals on this thread to say OP shouldn’t work before other people need to work more than her! Remember when women had to leave certain jobs when they got married or got pregnant! Some people on this thread are close to reintroducing that appalling practice!

I seem to have spent my entire working life with women whose husbands esrnt a lot and it is just s hobby for them, whereas I've always had to work and I'm definitely jealous and resentful, but I wouldn't say anything! As other people have said you are contributing to your pension and you do a good job and enjoy it. It's nothing to do with them. They're just jealous. But speak to them about what you overheard if it's annoying you.

I have worked with men whose wives earn big. No one ever suggested they should stop being accountants or solicitors or team leaders because their wives earn £200k plus.

in fact when one do stop working to stay home with the kids people were really shocked. Funny how people are still stuck in the 1950s.

Who’s to say it was just a hobby? Working could have been vital for their sense of self, for fulfilment, for financial independence. Those things don’t go away if you have a high-earning spouse.

No I think it is perfectly normal to feel upset ..they are being very immature & two-faced. I understand you feeling hurt & betrayed. I would keep my distance a bit & just pass pleasantries.

Luckily you heard it early enough to show you who they really are and before you really trusted any of them.

If someone else wanted that job they should have applied for it. She didn’t take the job from someone else, she was the best candidate when she applied and got the job on her own merit of being what the company wanted over someone else who applied. It’s not her fault she isn’t poor, she can still choose to work to upkeep her lifestyle have her own security and save all the money for her retirement is she wants. Should only poor people work?

Kudos to you for getting back into paid employment. It sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job, are super popular with customers, and some of your colleagues are jealous. Just one or two out of a larger group? Don’t know where you live or work, but if it’s a chain place perhaps consider a move to an independent craft ale or coffee shop type place?

You are allowed to do what you are doing. Do not give young inexperienced people room in your head. Tell them you heard, and tell them to mind their own business. Enjoy your life.

Just ignore and don’t engage with them too much especially about what you do socially. You have every right to work there. They are jealous.

Yep. When I had part time jobs as a teen/student there were groups of us who would often chat about how crappy it was and how much we disliked it, with little thought given to the adult colleagues who were reliant on the same roles to support themselves and their families. Young people can be very thoughtless!

No, you're not. But you should tell these twonks where to get off. I wouldn't have been able to hold back, telling them basically to 'go forth and multiply'. They've no right to speak about you like that. So, stuff them. Enjoy your wee job OP.

Im sorry your post reads passive aggressive. You agree with op then you don't which is it?

Now. Turn this around to them being a stay at home parent. And people would be jealous and say get a job. Its not the ops responsibility that others have a job. Had their job been wanted by others they would of applied for it just like anyone else. The fact that they got this job speaks for itself. Either those that turned up for the interview didn't prove themselves capable or the pool was slim.

OP - I am in a similar situation and I go out of my way to make sure nobody knows anything about my financial situation. I think there are many women in jobs for which they are over qualified because they need to work flexibly around child caring responsibilities. Personally, I work for my own sanity, it keeps me active outside the home and gives me some sort of life and independence away from my children. I have looked at volunteer roles but I get personal satisfaction from earning my own money, even if it’s a low wage. It means l contribute and gives me self worth.

I mostly really like the people I work with and the job is generally good for my mental health because I’m active within society. However, the way some of the staff occasionally talk about wealthy people is absolutely disgusting. One staff member in particular generalises about wealthy people as one homogengised group, making nasty remarks and assumptions. Because they don’t know my financial status they feel free to bitch about senior staff members simply because they are wealthy. This happened in my last role as well, and it’s normally one or two members of staff with chips on their shoulders for one reason or another.

It’s a shame because there really doesn’t need to be such hate towards wealthy people, there are good and bad ones but it seems being wealthy in itself is a reason to hate and bitch about someone.

OP you said they are always advertising for staff and I believe you, in many cities there is a shortage of good bar staff. You have lowered their staff turnover and that will help your employer, which in a small way will help them stay afloat in an industry which is currently struggling. It will keep jobs open for younger people who are less likely to stay so long and all the costs associated with high staff turnover.