To be upset that colleagues think I'm cosplaying?

[Dalmatianshoes]

I've worked in a gastropub 3 shifts a week for about 18 months now since my youngest DC of 3 turned 15.

Dh has long commutes or overnights with work and I have caring responsibilities for elderly parents and 3 springer spaniels so I only really get a 5 ish hour window in the day to work which is why evenings and weekends in hospitality work best for me.

I was happily SAHM for the 3 DC for 17 years am now 49.

As the 2 oldest are at university now and the youngest happy to be alone some evenings I made the decision to take a job for a little bit of structure in my life.

I worked in hospitality as a teen and then in Banking prior to DC.

Finances weren't a driving force for getting a job. Just life enhancement really.

I absolutely love the job and being around my colleagues; a lot of them at teenagers and I enjoy the company and the working environment.

On valentines evening I headed out to the recycling store and overhead colleagues (I thought friends 😭) talking about me being a rich bitch and taking the job from someone poorer and I'm just playing at my job.

AIBU to be hurt by these comments?

Fair enough! Out of interest, what did you think it meant? Not being goady, just interested....

Re your situation. Sod 'em. Some people can't conceive of enjoying working. Maybe a bit of cosplay would lighten things up a bit :-)

OP they are just daft kids. Don’t sweat it or let it get to you.

I have no idea what ‘needing’ to work means and if you are happy to do the job for the wage paid then it’s no one’s business at all.

pair of cheeky pies!! they don’t know what your financial circumstances are. just carry on if you like the job. They won’t be there forever.

They could also be picking up clues not just from your car but from your clothing, accessories, jewellery? Possibly a "posh" accent, or address, if they know it or could have seen it on paperwork?

But anyway, if you come at it from a scarcity mindset, everyone with a job is "taking it away" from other deserving people, including the PM and the King. Personally, I think I'd make a great POTUS if stupid old Trump* wasn't hogging the role. Their take also seems a bit sexist, unless they also feel that your husband should quit HIS job too, since he's rich.

*Just kidding, ESTA people! 😁

Yes this,
It’s natural to be a bit jealous when someone else has an easier lifestyle than you. Most people talk behind other people’s backs too, it’s not very nice but it is a pretty standard human behaviour, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you either.

We can afford for me to work part time but my colleagues are mostly full time and I’ve picked up on a bit of resentment towards that from one of my colleagues who’s been having a hard time financially, even though we’re pretty good work friends and I would never mention incomes or not needing to be full time. It’s fair enough, normal human emotions, I’d prob be a bit envious too if the roles were reversed.

They are being unkind, but people only know what you tell 'em.

I took it to mean her colleagues think she is pretending to be a waitress.

I've heard it used outside of books/theatre/video games - just a light-hearted, on-trend way of saying you're pretending to be something you're not.

"Needing to work" means that if you don't then you don't get paid and you are unable to support yourself and others you are responsible for.

i never knew that people were supposed to not work once they had achieved a certain amount of money.

I work with some incredibly wealthy people- far richer than I could ever be and yet I have never once thought they should stop because they have enough.

Playing/performing at something you're not, and very different from your norm.

I think is what was in my mind.

Absolutely nothing wrong with anyone having a job. If someone else wanted it and was a better candidate than you then they'd be working and you wouldn't.

I hate this type of idiotic discrimination. You do know it's bullying, right? You do know you can speak to your manager about it. You def don't need to justify why you're working. F them.

You’re not unreasonable to be hurt by their comments.
Given your comment about high turnover of staff I’d imagine 1) your boss is very pleased to have you on the team giving consistently and reliability 2) you’re not taking a job that someone else can do if the others are constantly leaving and 3) your reasons for working are entirely your own and I say good for you 💐

It was perfectly clear what you meant op. Don't worry about that

Fwiw I work and don't need to. I've recently started putting 100% in to my pension. Because I do need a pension, I also enjoy it and have qualified in it. Plus circumstances can change at any given moment. Those colleagues sound too young to understand the nuances to why people work, not everyone lived paycheck to paycheck that doesn't mean they don't need to work

This is a great argument - women with a comfortable husbands (OP doesn’t sound rich) have a duty to society not to work for money case they take a job from someone more in need?!

They don’t need their own income or NI contributions or private pensions; they shouldn’t protect themselves in case of marriage breakdown or death of the breadwinner; they should just depend on a man and plant trees for charity!

I am also old (very old) and I am on the fence about this...not because they weren't unkind or because you are stealing a job but because from their point of view they might well feel that its unreasonable that you bounce in when (by their perception) you don't have to work and love working in a situation that they dislike and only do because they have to. they may feel that their noses are being rubbed into their situation even though you have zero intention of this.
I think @popcornandpotatoes has a good point here "Those colleagues sound too young to understand the nuances to why people work, not everyone lived paycheck to paycheck that doesn't mean they don't need to work"

yes I have had experience of this. Not resentment but puzzlement because I didn't have children, was in a senior job and worked part time.

Sorry you overheard that. It reflects badly in them not you. I’d suspect they are young. People work for all sorts of reasons. If you love the job carry on.

I think you're right. Might not be how it started off but it's definitely evolved to mean this

I think your colleagues were twats, to be clear, but maybe it was simply things like "talking about the dogs" - people who rent, especially in houseshares/HMOs as many younger workers are, can't have pets. The housing crisis basically has meant that to some pet ownership is a class signifier, because it means you have a home of your own... even before you get to the individual cost of having even one dog. As a renter I would have desperately loved to have a pet and felt like that was never going to be an option for me! It's just one of those things but you do start resenting things like that a bit when your situation is more precarious.

I remember a colleague complaining about her kitchen reno and saying "it almost makes me wish I was still renting". Even now, as someone who needs their bathroom doing but is putting it off due to the disruption and expense, I think this sort of thing is a bit tone-deaf to say as I'd put up with 10000 kitchen renovations to have the security of my own place.

Sounds luxurious! Hope you enjoy it!

Just bitching I wonder what they say about each other in different groups. I would be tempted to drop a reference in to conversation so they know that you know without actually saying what you heard. 'These rich people that don't need to work and take jobs from poor people isn't it awful, I'm glad none of us are like that'

I understood your reference to cosplaying, op- I thought it was a very good way of putting it, actually.

I have a similar situation albeit in relation to a very different role. I just take the view that most people couldn’t care less and I try to lean into the things we have in common. But equally I don’t lie.

The idea that you’ve taken someone else’s job is absurd. It’s good for you in every way to stay employed and it’s good for the economy for you to be economically active.

@Dalmatianshoes I’d have to let them know I heard their unkind comments. Nasty, childish lot.

It was a lifestyle choice between my husband and myself. it worked well for us for various reasons, not all of them pleasant ones. I can see from the outside, it looked luxurious but it was more run of the mill than that.

It's a perfectly cromulent use of the word "cosplaying", OP.