To be upset that colleagues think I'm cosplaying?

[Dalmatianshoes]

I've worked in a gastropub 3 shifts a week for about 18 months now since my youngest DC of 3 turned 15.

Dh has long commutes or overnights with work and I have caring responsibilities for elderly parents and 3 springer spaniels so I only really get a 5 ish hour window in the day to work which is why evenings and weekends in hospitality work best for me.

I was happily SAHM for the 3 DC for 17 years am now 49.

As the 2 oldest are at university now and the youngest happy to be alone some evenings I made the decision to take a job for a little bit of structure in my life.

I worked in hospitality as a teen and then in Banking prior to DC.

Finances weren't a driving force for getting a job. Just life enhancement really.

I absolutely love the job and being around my colleagues; a lot of them at teenagers and I enjoy the company and the working environment.

On valentines evening I headed out to the recycling store and overhead colleagues (I thought friends 😭) talking about me being a rich bitch and taking the job from someone poorer and I'm just playing at my job.

AIBU to be hurt by these comments?

Bore off, bloody martyr. I haven't needed to work for years, yet I do. Why on earth shouldn't I!?!

You said many of them are teens, so it's probably mostly a matter of them being young and stupid. Maybe life will teach some of them better manners in the next decade or two. At least with quick turnover, the ones you overheard will be replaced by someone else soon enough.

In future, I'd be careful not to share much about my private life and finances with casual colleagues, but honestly, some people are never happy unless they can gossiping about someone else. You're not the only one they'll have been 'discussing', if that's any comfort.

Interesting that these not very nice colleagues have made assumptions about you @Dalmatianshoes and so are many posters on here are doing the same - you'd think you go into work wearing a tiara and diamond necklace based on what people seem to think has been 'overshared'.

No evidence whatsoever that OP talks about her financial situation when at work! And even if she did, it doesn't excuse blatant rudeness does it? Of course it doesn't! That's actually turning the situation around and blaming the OP for other people's shitty behaviour.

Why shouldn’t you work at a job you enjoy?
That really is a toxic comment and horrible to hear they’ve been talking about you behind your back.
How do they know your financial position or have they made an assumption because you’re older than them?

Not nice to hear and I certainly would reconsider classing them as friend, but ultimately it says more about them and their situation than you.

I expect they are projecting their feelings about their own circumstances, sounds like a low paid job they don't love. Although its personal, it not about who you are as a person. Ignore them, by the sounds of it they'll leave soon anyway and maybe keep back personal information with future colleagues.

OP, if you’re a regular on MN, you’ll have seen plenty of posts over time where women have really shafted themselves by not having a job. Women who thought they would always be able to rely on their partner until the unthinkable happens, anything from an affair to the partner suddenly passing away. Good for you for getting back out there.

If these other workers are considerably younger, they probably don’t have the life experience to realise why this is so important. They’re possibly not paying attention to things like their pension yet.

i think it’s okay to carry on as you plan, and say nothing, but if it was me, I would find it hard not to drop some nuggets of truth and education into conversation sometimes. Just things like so glad to be back at work, with my taxes contributing to society. So glad to not be relying on my husband any more, this is so important, for women to be able to stand on their own two feet. So glad to be back at work and able to contribute to my retirement fund.

Maybe then they’ll start to see things differently.

The OP stated: 'I absolutely love the job'

'All much better than pouring pints for money!' Why? And for whom? If you haven't ever worked in a pub, how would you know? Sounds more fun to me that path maintenance.

Iv had this at work to op,im a cleaner though,we're not rich by any means but I technically don’t need to work,iv had comments like,why don’t you just have another baby if you’re bored!

So you like outdoor work. A lot of people don't. Especially if they're in the UK.

OP I wouldn't let it go completely. I think when next in conversation I'd say 'did you hear the rumours going about? Apparently I'm a rich bitch that doesn't need to work' or words to that effect. They'll think they have a gossip amongst them.

There's always a high turnover in those spaces. Sometimes regulars like a familiar face. Just shrug it off imo. They won't be there long anyway probably.

I'd double down on it to piss them off, ask everyone where they are going skiing this year, stuff like, really wind them up, the bunch of twats.

You get funny reactions when people think you are richer than them and odd attitudes like the one @Macadamian expressed. Basically, ignore it and carry on but avoid providing too much info and steer away from financial conversations.

I work with a lot of people who could probably stop working tomorrow but they're clearly invested in the work. So not about the wealth disparity per se.
On the other hand I also worked with someone who had a much 'smaller' and PT job than previously and she was open about how it was basically a fun way of filling her time. Even though I was an adult professional by this time I still found it irritating how she treated it as a hobby when the rest of us had our mortgage/rent payments resting on it.

My first job was in a large department store. There were a couple of other teens there for a summer job, but most were ladies of a certain age doing it to basically keep busy and a bit of pin money. Did I resent them? Not in the slightest! It certainly wasn’t a job I wanted to be doing long term, but one that gave ME extra money and save a bit for uni. Those with ambition could rise through the ranks within the store - assistant department head, head of department, section head and on up. But those older women on the shop floor had no such ambition and very content to clock in, do the job, socialise, and clock out without any responsibilities. And this is true in so many places that take unskilled workers - my friend worked at M&S café for a couple years at 58, after her son left home. One of the reasons she left is they kept pushing her to take on more responsibility and she just didn’t want it, but it was good to see her she didn’t count against her if she did want to advance. Your fellow pub workers do not seem to understand how the world of work, well, works. Many of these teens see bar work as a stop gap - one could argue they are taking the job away from someone older who needs it to make ends meet with the flexibility it offers!

Understandable frustration but they should be calling you any names and it’s just a shame you’ve overheard it.

Plenty of people have a moan about coworkers.

YANBU. There are many reasons to work other than earning money. Nobody is stealing anyone's job. This is why the younger generation isn't as forward thinking as they're often portrayed - it's often limited by inexperience. We've all been them.

So you're not being unreasonable to feel hurt but also I would try not to dwell on it. They probably didn't even think about it again after the conversation.

Exactly, the logic here is ridiculous. Should people not work if they can afford, just so unemployed people can have more opportunities? It’s ignorant and effing ageism here - young people who think older people should make way. They should appreciate people who have more experience and they also forget that they will be old too one day.

If you enjoy the work then do it! You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

This.

To be honest I don't think I overshare about my home life. I tend to steer away from talking about care responsibilities (who wants to hear that?) and talk about the dogs instead as it feels a nice neutral topic.

Obviously there's general back and forth chit chat about holidays and lifestyle which I definitely scale down on specfics.

But I can't hide the car I drive as I like to park near for safety as I often leave after midnight.

I would actually argue you bring more to your employers than those kids who are likely there as a stop gap. You’re there because you enjoy it and want to be there, not because you have to. That’s really important in anything customer facing.

There's a bizarre attitude sometimes displayed on MN that wealthy people shouldn't work, that they are 'taking' jobs from those on the breadline. It's nonsense. Many wealthy people got that way by having a strong work ethic.

I'd say the colleagues in question are just daft teenagers who wouldn't do a tap unless they really had to. Their opinions wouldn't concern me.

My first job was in retail and I worked with a lot of mums and students. I don't know whether the mums 'needed' to work and it was none of my business - but I do know at that age I absolutely loved them and learned more from them than I had thought and that only really became apparent as I got older. I always remember one of my male friends at work saying it was a bit weird that I liked hanging about with the older women and I remember being a bit embarrassed like maybe it was. But they were the absolute best, and it's only recently I realised how much those social dynamics came into play with a young guy telling a young woman that her friendships with older women were wrong somehow.

And you will have people working with you like that too OP - just trying to navigate social dynamics. Keep above it.

One of my colleagues has said similar about me - that I "don't need the money" so she should "get any extra work". I absolutely am working for the salary, I just dont go around telling people "poor me" stories about my finances.
I just ignore it - so long as the boss knows I'm open to more (paid) work, IDGAF what this colleague says or thinks. She has taken to attempting to get people "in trouble" for perceived failings, but fortunately those more senior see through it and she's just making herself look ridiculous.

Some of these responses are bizarre.

In a world where half the planet has decided they won't bother working, if you want to do that job then absolutely that's your right and whether you're financially secure or not is irrelevant.

Fuck them.

They are small-minded and jealous. Ignore them!

I think most people (including me) have realised that they have to watch their back in the workplace. Rise above their petty bitchiness!

Honestly, I would take no notice of this person. People like that always find something to fault in people. These people are normally unhappy with their own lives.