In-laws talking to 6 year old about inheritance

[SpanishFork]

Last summer my FiL’s very elderly uncle died; I had met him a handful of times. My husband and his brothers and cousins would often drive down to see him in his house where he lived independently. Husband’s aunt got a call from a neighbour to say he had died.

So yesterday my nearly 7 year old comes home babbling about saving plans etc. It turns out she is a beneficiary of his will and my husband knew this but didn’t tell me as I
have a ten year old from a previous marriage. She has no relationship whatsoever with her father’s family.

My husband who supports my eldest without question says I am always weird about stuff like this. He says his parents and one of his siblings have got every right to talk openly about money and this openness is what helps educate children about money.

There is no way I would have spoken to my youngest about this especially as my eldest won’t have such a good start.

I am so angry that my in-laws have done this. My husband says my daughter would have found out anyway through cousins etc.

My husband who supports my eldest without question says I am always weird about stuff like this. He says his parents and one of his siblings have got every right to talk openly about money and this openness is what helps educate children about money.

he is correct.

How much has he been told he will receive ?

Do you think your anger is a little misplaced and perhaps you feel sad your 10 year old is not also inheriting money?
Perhaps in the future your 10 year old will inherit money from their side, whilst your younger child will not?

A) The sooner you talk and educate your children about money, the better.
B) Your own child needs to learn that “fair” doesn’t mean everything has to be the same. She wasn’t related to the deceased, so won’t inherit. It’s not “unfair” treatment, it’s different.

If she is a beneficiary surely she has to be told?

I’m not sure why you would keep that from her?

@Octavia64
Because she is only 6?

Sorry op, YABVU. Your daughter is a benificiary and indeed would have found out about it. Your other child having no contact with her father’s family has nothing to do with this. Your 2 children have different fathers, so while you want to treat them equally (and I’m sure you do day to day), you cannot deny one of them things they get from others because it doesn’t apply to the other. What would you do if one wins a scholarship or a prize? Deny them it because your other child didn’t win it? That would be ridiculous. It’s normal that inheritance that they get from their father’s family is just for that child, and not both.

I agree that maybe because of her age they should have not been so open but many families are open about these things and it seems like they are that family. You shouldn’t expect anything for your older child though, the only person you should have an expectation of is your dh.

Your oldest likely won't inherit from your husband's family because they are leaving their estates to blood relations. They can leave their estates how they want.

Did you not think or talk about the differences in circumstances before marriage if you had more children? You should have.

I suspect op wanted to split it between her two kids. Completely wrong imo.

Unfortunately she wasn’t related so she doesn’t inherit, it may not be fair but that is just how it is. Would you be angry if your 10 year old inherited from sperm donors side and not your youngest?

I have never lied to my children, they know that they are half-siblings and my eldest knows the situation with her bio family.

No child needs to know how much money they have until university applications, even full siblings.

No ten year old needs to know how much better off her sibling is.

No in-law should ever discuss something so private to a six year old.

Children can be taught about money without knowing exactly how much they have.

I am so angry.

YANBU - your child is six. She doesn't need her head filled with stuff about inheritances and investments ffs!

I think it's way too young for her to be told about. I wouldn't want a precedent set that when people die it's seen as a thing to profit from.

Are you just pissed off that your eldest won’t get anything? This is a tale as old as time that blood relatives / step children are usually ( but not always ) treated differently inheritance wise . It’s not your husbands or his family’s fault that your eldest child doesn’t see her paternal family , nor is it hers granted, but life’s not fair .
I would be thrilled that my daughter will have some money to potentially help her out as an adult .

YABU - financial literacy is learned from a young age, your DH is right. You have two children with different extended families - things are going to be different for them during their lives, you can’t stop this.

Financial literacy for a six year old might involve thinking about saving pocket money for a toy, or working out what change is needed if she buys a chocolate bar at the shop. What OP describes is very age-inappropriate.

I can understand why you are angry. It was dealt in a tactless way. Your children are too young to know about that sort of thing. I am not saying it should be kept a secret forever but it could have been discussed at a later stage.

You're correct that X amount of money won’t mean anything to a 6 year old , 100k or £100 , but maybe her grandparents were excited that she was getting some money and wanted to share that with her ?

I definitely did not expect my eldest to inherit. Everyone seems shocked that the great-uncle even left the blood relatives anything.

However, there is no need whatsoever for a young child to have this information eaten there are half siblings with different prospects.

Yet another thread where you are very angry about you perceiving your eldest to be sidelined by your in-laws.

How much are we talking here?

They also should have had your consent before talking about this, or let you do it with your husband.

Having money a lot of money young can also because motivation killer.

So your youngest has been told the figure he will inherit?

or just that he’s been gifted something in the will?

Yup. He is correct. To this day, o thank my parents for talking openly about money, and for the education I receive that if I have 100 to last4 weeks; it’s up to me to budget for it to last me 4 weeks.

remember those who say if you don’t know how to be with money, you will be without Bonney Wetherby salary was 100k or 50k pa. True.

Knowing how much they have is an important part of financial education. Money isn’t a theoretical concept, but a reality in her life that she needs to be aware of, and learn to manage.

My parents brought my brother and I up knowing about and being involved in these matters, and it’s served us both very well in life.

I am angry that my in-laws thought it was appropriate to speak openly to a six year old NOT that my eldest was ‘sidelined’.