In-laws talking to 6 year old about inheritance

[SpanishFork]

Last summer my FiL’s very elderly uncle died; I had met him a handful of times. My husband and his brothers and cousins would often drive down to see him in his house where he lived independently. Husband’s aunt got a call from a neighbour to say he had died.

So yesterday my nearly 7 year old comes home babbling about saving plans etc. It turns out she is a beneficiary of his will and my husband knew this but didn’t tell me as I
have a ten year old from a previous marriage. She has no relationship whatsoever with her father’s family.

My husband who supports my eldest without question says I am always weird about stuff like this. He says his parents and one of his siblings have got every right to talk openly about money and this openness is what helps educate children about money.

There is no way I would have spoken to my youngest about this especially as my eldest won’t have such a good start.

I am so angry that my in-laws have done this. My husband says my daughter would have found out anyway through cousins etc.

Their parents also tell them when we add money to their accounts.

The younger children learn about money the better.

the younger children learn about differences between their situations the more they take it in their stride.

as someone with a DSS who inherited a lot when his mummy died, and as the only grandchild will inherit a lot, and two Dds who will inherit from grandparents but not loads, two younger children who will inherit only from DH and I, and a DN who lives with us who is well set up by his late Mum I can tell you that openness from a young age means children take things in their stride.

landing news of vast differences between siblings on teenagers is a terrible idea

Set up a savings account to balance out the amount.
My nan left 1k to each ggc but there were 2 mod pregnancy at thst point. The administrators adjusted it to give those 2 the 1k too. If not one of my kids would have had an onheritance the other didint, just through luck of tome of birth.
Now my nephew has one step dc and one dc i have no idea what his grandparents will do with their will - probably just leave to their 2 dc rather than to the gc. But obviously many people would only leave to their own descendants.

Are you perhaps concerned this may happen several times.?

I don't see the problem

I would think it would be better in the long run for them both to know now. Then at 18, or whenever they receive it, they'll go "oh yes, that was from old Uncle Tom. That's why younger got it not older" rather than "that's not fair. Why have they got more money? Did you give them more? It's not fair."

They can process it now, it's out in the open, rather than being a shock when the money may mean something more to them and it could look like you have been unfair.

I think it would be much harder for a young person to become aware of the disparity at exactly the time when money actually starts to become more meaningful and important to them.

A 10yo might feel that it is unfair, but it's all a bit theoretical at that age, and they would have time to get used to the idea before they actually feel the reality of it.

But your 10 yo is fine to watch royal family being treated differently? Does she ask to go to Sandringham for Christmas? Is your house the biggest on your street or how do you tell your 10 yo why your house is different/ not the biggest?

you are imposing your prejudices and insecurity on your children and your DH has rightly called it.

by the way, one parent is enough for consent.

But these are all YOUR made up rules.

It doesn't mean everyone else has to follow them.

Separate inheritance often comes with blended families and your kids will learn to accept that.

As soon as you do...

Because both parents should have a say/plan about how and when important info is communicated to their children. It is up to op and her husband to handle, not her in-laws without her knowledge.

Would you like your in-laws to take the lead on teaching important or sensitive topics without your knowledge? That isn't a normal approach.

I don't think the problem is her knowing about her inheritance, but the fact that you didn't know / that your dh kept it a secret - was he worried about what your reaction would be?

Anyway, far more intriguing 6 yo rem era the amount. So how much? 100k/ 50k / 25k and compounded by how many years.

if your child is a normal 6 yo, she will forget about it by tea time tomorrow. Until cousins remind her.

Nah, you're angry that your younger child is getting something your older child is not.

Otherwise you wouldn't even have mentioned the older child.

Hmm deleted what I was typing because it felt outing but still want to say I sympathise.

You love your children equally but time to accept they will have different life experiences due to their different fathers.

And? Are we talking like £500? Or many multiples?

@SpanishFork you told your youngest not to allow any photos taken by your in-laws without your eldest in them too. Now that is messed up

Are you likely to have more children in the future OP as this could create further inequalities as they wouldn't inherit either presumably, despite having the same relationship to the deceased. Sorry if someone has posted this already

This. No six year old needs to know about an inheritance. Plenty of time for that when they discuss careers and university.

especially as my eldest won’t have such a good start

😂🎻

Maybe you should have chosen a more wealthy dad for your dc1

You made your bed, you lie in it. You blended your family, you deal with it.

Your 2 dc are not the same and do not have the same families. You knew that, now you complain.

Yeah you’re definitely unreasonable. If you want everything fair you can’t have children with different fathers.

They don’t need to be denied the knowledge either.

6 is a fine age to start learning about finances, especially ones she has a vested interest in. Normalizing this is to her benefit.

Children need to know about money , investments, financial planning , interest, savings etc , problem is not enough people bother , they let their kids drift on without drawing attention to this subject then suddenly they are young adults who have no idea , better to learn gradually from young and build a good foundation of knowledge about finance

This all day long

You've posted before about the very stark differences in the way your in-laws treat your younger daughter who is their biological grandchild and your elder DD who is not. They make it crystal clear to your elder daughter that they don't consider her to be part of their family.

I think a six year old is far too young to understand about inheritance, large sums of money and compound interest which makes me think that they are doing this on purpose to highlight once again how priviledged your younger daughter is/will be in comparison to her older sister. They may also be trying to drive a wedge between your two daughters.

I agree OP and I would be angry too. It’s not so much the money although that seems age inappropriate aswell, it’s more the potential grenade it throws in the relationship between your children.

As their parent, you should have been left to manage how that information was handled. At 6 though, I think she’s young enough to forget about the detail, I would speak to them and ask them to leave the subject alone for x amount of years and you will deal with it with both your children at the right time.

The younger they know, the better. It's normalised then by the time they're adults. Otherwise you end up with huge resentment at 18. Your H is correct.

@Ophy83 genuine Q. How much involvement does your own family have with both your children? Do they treat them equally ? Do they also not see them? Where are they in all of this?