In-laws talking to 6 year old about inheritance

[SpanishFork]

Last summer my FiL’s very elderly uncle died; I had met him a handful of times. My husband and his brothers and cousins would often drive down to see him in his house where he lived independently. Husband’s aunt got a call from a neighbour to say he had died.

So yesterday my nearly 7 year old comes home babbling about saving plans etc. It turns out she is a beneficiary of his will and my husband knew this but didn’t tell me as I
have a ten year old from a previous marriage. She has no relationship whatsoever with her father’s family.

My husband who supports my eldest without question says I am always weird about stuff like this. He says his parents and one of his siblings have got every right to talk openly about money and this openness is what helps educate children about money.

There is no way I would have spoken to my youngest about this especially as my eldest won’t have such a good start.

I am so angry that my in-laws have done this. My husband says my daughter would have found out anyway through cousins etc.

And you're pushing this level of ignorance as a desirable trait?

I think most people find public boasting about money/purchases to be vulgar and inappropriate, but a family discussing things such as earnings, mortgages, cost of living, pensions and investments is, or should be, entirely normal and part of a child's education and preparation for adulthood.

There is a huge difference in explaining to your child that life is going to cost them money and what they are going have to pay out over giving them details about your personal finances like discussing what you earn and how much you have in your savings. The only reason my daughter knows how much I earn is because its linked to her student finance but she wouldn't of dreamed of asking my before.
I don't personally agree with telling a 6yr old that they have nearly 80k.

Telling your 6 yo should have been a joint decision between you and your DH. I agree talking about money openly teaches children about it but you have every right to disagree. But inequality and unfairness is baked in for children in blended families as step relatives won’t treat all children equally. You should anticipate this.

Topping up with your own money is one thing. Although I doubt the OP has a spare 77k to give to her eldest to level it up. And chances are the youngest will get more when grandparents die

However if you take inheritance from one child to give to the other that's just theft

Yes, the former is giving them an empty cliche, and the latter is actually education.

I’m not sure where the ‘upper class people don’t discuss money’ trope comes from, but it’s as unfortunately pervasive as it’s ‘noble peasant, closer to god’ counterpart, and equally unfounded. Money, and the finer details of a family’s financial situation, have always been on the table for discussion, particularly when it came to the marriage market. Similarly, making a display of wealth (housing, fashion, etc) has always been something the upper classes have indulged in, unless it was politically dangerous to do so.

Tbh I think it likely arose from around the time that strict social hierarchies began to shift, and the upstart ‘new money’ types began to get ideas above their station and overtook the old. The old got butthurt over this, so trotted this out to make themselves feel better, and as a way to assert themselves as superior still. Mind you, at the same time they were sneering at new money, and especially American new money, they were also hightailing it across the Atlantic to offer up titles in exchange for much needed cash injections.

You have posted SO MANY times about your in laws, OP, and how your DH sides with them. On each of your threads I end up wondering why, why did you marry this man and marry into his family?? You have totally opposing views on so many fundamental, crucial things. What’s your plan for the rest of your marriage? Constant strife and misery with you objecting to everything they do, from birthday parties to inheritances to wedding photos…what are you doing to your marriage and your children here?