In-laws talking to 6 year old about inheritance

[SpanishFork]

Last summer my FiL’s very elderly uncle died; I had met him a handful of times. My husband and his brothers and cousins would often drive down to see him in his house where he lived independently. Husband’s aunt got a call from a neighbour to say he had died.

So yesterday my nearly 7 year old comes home babbling about saving plans etc. It turns out she is a beneficiary of his will and my husband knew this but didn’t tell me as I
have a ten year old from a previous marriage. She has no relationship whatsoever with her father’s family.

My husband who supports my eldest without question says I am always weird about stuff like this. He says his parents and one of his siblings have got every right to talk openly about money and this openness is what helps educate children about money.

There is no way I would have spoken to my youngest about this especially as my eldest won’t have such a good start.

I am so angry that my in-laws have done this. My husband says my daughter would have found out anyway through cousins etc.

I agree with your DH that it is healthy to talk about financial expectations - it helps kids to be money-conscious and aware of planning ahead so they might know 'this money could be used for...' etc

Don't make your youngest share it with the oldest.

YANBU - your youngest is very lucky, but has been given too much information at an age when they can’t understand the ramifications for the wider family. I would be angry in your position.

I have a friend whose brother remarried after his first wife died. He had two children with his first wife. His first wife had cancer and she knew she was dying. She made it clear that her money and jewellery should go to her children. However, the second wife over time snaffled everything. It was a blended family and her children benefited from the money left by the first wife. It is only now that the first wife's children are in their thirties and married that they have realised how much was stolen from them. They were not told about anything about their mother, her money or her jewellery growing up so they assumed their mother had left them nothing. Unfortunately, the verbal request that her children were to be given everything of hers was ignored when her husband remarried.
It is right that both your children know the situation from an early age so there is no sudden realisation when they are teenagers.

MN is always adamant that if a woman remarries she has the right to keep family money for her own kids. The same should be true for men. They should not short change their own kids to please a disgruntled second wife.

I think financial literacy is important, unless it's millions which can be overwhelming (?). Your 10yo isnt really relevant in this conversation. Better to have an understanding now than have the child go on a bender age 18 with their surprise money

I’ve got a child the same age and there is no prospect whatsoever that if they inherited something now I would tell them about it. It would be invested in their name until they were 18. And perhaps some discussion about it in the couple of years leading to 18 (but depending on the child at the time). No 6 year old needs to hear about their “inheritance”, especially not when they live with a sibling who will have no such benefit. Insane.

I think a young adult might actually feel the differences more acutely as at the moment money will still be something of an abstract for them both. At least this way you now have years to discuss how the eldest feels about it. Rather than have it sprung on them when they're in the thick of becoming independent.

Look, what is relevant here is the kid knows. The numbers mean nothing to a 6 yo. She willl be relying on parents to remind her how much it was when she turns 13/15 etc.

compound- this is only upsetting if op was hoping to ‘cream’ off the interest from original capital to give the interest to her 10 yo. That too also now thwarted.

Your DH family must be inclusive of your child otherwise your child would have noticed the difference long before this.
You are lucky, you might not feel it but many in-laws make the difference extremely obvious from
the beginning.
Take on another job, top up the eldest child in a savings account.

I have a career and my own savings and have done well. When I say I’d rather have known at 7, it’s because I’d just rather have known earlier, that I was somehow seen as different.

My sisters married very wealthy men so were mortgage free before my grandmother passed, so I’ve just always found the rationale to be a bit odd. She didn’t owe anyone anything, I’ve just always found it weird that I was told “your granny didn’t think you’d need anything as your dad will leave you something.” I mean, maybe he will, and maybe he won’t. I’m not quite sure that was her place to say, either.

I agree. This was a conversation to have between adults… especially if the sum is significant.

How do I put bells on this! Every step of the way!

May I add, other threads on MN where people are second guessing inheritance left/ who to contact. This approach removes quite a lot!

Your husband is right. You are weird about stuff like this. His family do not see your older child as their grandchild.
Based on your previous posts about them, if you had known, you would have tried to share it equally between your children. When you choose to have children by more than one man, one of the consequences is that they may get treated differently.

There is nothing wrong with a child understanding investment and compound interest. My own child at that age knew the difference between defined benefit and defined contribution pension schemes and was curious about investment. He learned to save as much as he could and through inheritance, gifts and a child trust fund, he will have a house deposit by 18. It is never too early to teach children about prudent financial planning.

Good to hear you have done well!!!

again, better to find out sooner than later!

This is an ongoing issue for OP, and neither her husband nor his family are going to pander to her hang ups regarding her eldest. They never have.

OP married and had another child with him fully aware of this. Her child isn’t the only stepchild in the family, so it’s not like she was under any illusions as to what the dynamic was and would continue to be. They’re acting as they have always done.

The problem is that OP doesn’t want to accept the reality of what she signed up for, yet she doesn’t want to leave her husband either.

In an age appropriate manner though you might say 'x you'll have some money in a bank account soon and mum and dad will help you keep safe'

You've every right to be. Especially with the complexity of only one daughter inheriting because the other is her half sibling. It's a sensitive issue. Your in laws are muppets.

I remember when my dd was about 6 and she made a statement along the lines of “only rich people own stocks.” That was when I had to point out to her that she owned multiple stocks. She knew we had a university savings fund for her, she just didn’t understand how the money was saved.

children need to be educated about money, early and often. It is the best way to pass on generational wealth. It is more important than actually giving them money.

My parents didn’t give me money, but they did give me an excellent financial education.

Not on mumsnet…

The morale of that sad, but not uncommon story, is that if you wish to leave money or property to someone then you must make a will!

What has OP described exactly?

She hasnt said exactly what was said to the child so how do you know its age inappropriate?

Agreed!

yes, many entrepreneurs I know learnt their craft when they realise if the do not eat up their bag of sweets, but go sell to other kids at school, they come back with money to save and enough to replace the sold bag of sweets. And thus business interest was piqued.

both now running successful businesses in manufacturing and selling both by retail and wholesale.

the sooner kids understood pensions the better. I understood it, also understood tax benefits early on, enough to make me understand I wanted to grow money elsewhere and not put into a pension. Knowledge is power!

Mn really needs a new section in blended families called “why won’t everyone bend to my reality and do what I want” with regards to the in-laws and children from previous relationships!

unless op is the poster with regular rage posts about how dare inlaws treat my eldest as a step child…

👏👏 Op has not even confirmed what amount the 6 yo told her and if DH perhaps had to step in to announce the sum as 6yo was incapable of doing so.

She is. Another poster took us out of the suspense!