In-laws talking to 6 year old about inheritance

[SpanishFork]

Last summer my FiL’s very elderly uncle died; I had met him a handful of times. My husband and his brothers and cousins would often drive down to see him in his house where he lived independently. Husband’s aunt got a call from a neighbour to say he had died.

So yesterday my nearly 7 year old comes home babbling about saving plans etc. It turns out she is a beneficiary of his will and my husband knew this but didn’t tell me as I
have a ten year old from a previous marriage. She has no relationship whatsoever with her father’s family.

My husband who supports my eldest without question says I am always weird about stuff like this. He says his parents and one of his siblings have got every right to talk openly about money and this openness is what helps educate children about money.

There is no way I would have spoken to my youngest about this especially as my eldest won’t have such a good start.

I am so angry that my in-laws have done this. My husband says my daughter would have found out anyway through cousins etc.

My parents always spoke to me like an adult or included me in adult conversations such as money, politics, world affairs etc. Obviously there were exceptions. They weren't stupid or insensitive. Anyway, in this instance it absolutely is your DD's right to know and financial literacy can't start early enough. I really do understand your mixed feelings about this, I think any parent would, but your oldest will find out soon enough and basically it's a done deal. This will be an increasing issue with blended families.

Are you angry with your husband for knowing and not telling you?

So how did your 6 year old tell you she has been left? You say she was told the amount t.

yes, she would have found out from cousins.

she is 6/7. Parents still in control as to how it is managed etc. she just knows. What’s the issue then?

ok so it’s your other threads where you are angry at your eldest being sidelined. Furious.

Have they told him the figure? Or just that he’s been gifted?

The sibling issues I don’t agree with / this is just reality. But I don’t think it is appropriate for young children to know they have been left chunks of money. Or even teens. It can be very destabilising. Of course teach them about money. At 6 this means saving their birthday money etc. Not being told that they have thousands.

She's six. It will be forgotten by tomorrow.

Unless she's one of those mumsnet progidies who can calculate compound interest and can now work out how old she can retire.

It is appropriate.

Children in a blended family having different prospects is very common. Pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t do either of your children any favors. Your youngest shouldn’t be disadvantaged and denied important information and education because her prospects are better than those of her half sister.

I think this is just the reality of having a blended family, OP. You can never make things perfectly equal, and it is your job as a parent to help your dc come to terms with that reality.

In an ideal world, perhaps it would have been good for your in-laws to discuss communication about the inheritance with you first, so that you could have considered how to handle the situation sensitively. So I understand your frustration on that point. But I think yabvu to suggest that your dc shouldn't have been told about it at all.

I wonder if it wasn't discussed with you because you have form for wanting to keep this kind of thing secret? Your DH's comments appear to suggest this.

Ultimately, you can't completely shield your older child from the unfairness that inevitably arises as the result of being in a blended family. The only way to do that would have been to avoid having any more children, and the boat has clearly sailed on that one.

@ScarlettSarah I’m taking a giant leap perhaps that OP might not be describing exactly how it was done, considering she has mentioned several times how angry she is about it. I think being open about money is a great thing tbh

HarlanCobenDogshit

Compound interest was discussed.

It kind of depends on the amounts here tbh. But I agree with your husband in general, the more openly this stuff is talked about the better.

your in-law’s son, your husband!, clearly felt it was fine to speak openly about.

So if you have a beef, it should be with your husband not in-laws

Well, that's good isn't it? Children should be taught about these things.

Again.

Has your son been told the figure or just that he’s been gifted?

I’m in a similar situation and it means that I direct all of my resources towards my eldest knowing that the youngest will receive whatever from their side of the family.
I just do my best to even things up and everybody accepts that

What do you mean? You save separately just for your eldest and not your youngest?

I agree with you OP . A six year old is far too young to understand about inheritance.

Surely it's better for your older child to be aware of the disparity as soon as possible anyway? It will give them more time to get used to the idea. I can't see how it would be any better to suddenly find out as a young adult that your sibling has access to much more money than you do?

If both children had inherited you wouldn't have a problem with them knowing.

It's understandable you're upset on behalf of your eldest but your husband and his family are entitled to discuss with his child that she has been left money by a relative.

It’s great that your 6YO can understand the concept of compound interest, even on a basic level.

Precisely that

Why her consent? Isn’t the child’s father an equal parent?

We are grandparents add regularly to junior isa’s for our 6 grandchildren and explain its savings for their future. Uni driving lessons etc. they are similar in age.
don’t see a problem with this at all.

I see somebody mentioned this is another thread of OP has started about how different the children are treated.

If that is the context, I can see that the in-laws are protecting the six year-old. In the event the six year-old’s father is not available later in life the six year-old will know she or he was left something and the 10 year-old was not.. I was never of the view that you were angry because your 10 years old was not left with something too. However, I am now suspecting you would want to utilise this money equally between the twogiven the chance. And that may explain why the in-laws spoke to the six year-old directly. I would. .

plus as someone said, 10 vs 100k mean nothing to a 6 yo. Compound discussed seem to mean they said the money will multiply whilst the 6 yo becomes of age- again appropriate.

Yes she was told exactly how much she will have.

I agree about teaching financial literacy but this can be taught without knowing how much you have.

A young person going off to university or watching a half-sibling going can cope intellectually with the inequalities; a ten year old should not be confronted by the inequalities between them and someone so close to them.