In-laws talking to 6 year old about inheritance

[SpanishFork]

Last summer my FiL’s very elderly uncle died; I had met him a handful of times. My husband and his brothers and cousins would often drive down to see him in his house where he lived independently. Husband’s aunt got a call from a neighbour to say he had died.

So yesterday my nearly 7 year old comes home babbling about saving plans etc. It turns out she is a beneficiary of his will and my husband knew this but didn’t tell me as I
have a ten year old from a previous marriage. She has no relationship whatsoever with her father’s family.

My husband who supports my eldest without question says I am always weird about stuff like this. He says his parents and one of his siblings have got every right to talk openly about money and this openness is what helps educate children about money.

There is no way I would have spoken to my youngest about this especially as my eldest won’t have such a good start.

I am so angry that my in-laws have done this. My husband says my daughter would have found out anyway through cousins etc.

If this is such an issue for you, you shouldn’t have had a further child. This is of your own doing

I would have been fucking devastated knowing my father's parents didn't think of me as their grandchild when I was growing up. They possibly didn't. But I never felt it. Thank god.

Oh I was hoping somebody would bite. It’s interesting because when I suggested that I was going to split the eldests child support between the two of them to equal it up. Everybody went fucking bat shit about that and suggested that the eldest money was the eldests money.
And that the youngest had no right to it, so now the tables have switched.

Apparently, it’s terrible that the youngest should get money from her side of the family, but the oldest doesn’t. And I equal things up.
Both of the kids will end up with thousands and thousands of pounds in their pocket and literally they could not care less where it came from.
This place is fucking mad

Yes I would be very angry too. It was for you to decide how to approach this. My kids will be getting a large inheritance. They know vaguely that they will be getting money towards a flat but not the amount. I would be mad if anyone overstepped that. I don’t want it blunting their ambition or desire for independence. How much are we talking?

You can also get mismatched money across siblings.

My Gran saved for all of her grandchildren. The way she did it was she would go down to the bank and put the same amount in each account. Her plan was to do it for all the grandchildren and we'd each get the account as our own at 18yo.

When I was about 10, she started dementia. I don't think she put much money in after that, but if she did, then she might forget one grandchild, or put more into one because she'd got confused etc.

But at any rate the older grandchildren had longer of her putting money in, so their accounts had more in, as well as some years of 10%+ interest in the 80s.
My brother, who was the youngest by a few years, had less than half what my oldest cousin who was around 6 years older than me.
But we knew from a young age - I'd say before 6yo, that she was doing this and what was in the bank for us because she'd show us the books - all of them, so we knew exactly how much we each had.
None of us, not even my brother, who could be very vocal if he felt he was missing out by being the youngest, resented this because it was something we knew about. It being open from when we were small, meant that it was just accepted.

Your child understood pensions at 6 years old ? Child genius , did you ring Oxford & Cambridge immediately to put his name down ? But jokes aside , can he explain it to me then please as I’m 47 and still don’t have a clue ? 😂

You are angry because you can’t even the playing field for your elder child. That’s understandable, but you’re still being unreasonable. A young child’s grasp of fiduciary matters will be slim, ‘I can afford a new toy I want’, however generally any money left to such a young child is either in trust until the are 18/21, or the parents are guardians of it. If the latter, if it’s a large amount, you could likely double it by wise investment and decide to make a large cash gift to your eldest.

Noooo that’s the same thing?
people are a saying the same?
you shouldn’t split the eldests child support that’s hers….
you shouldn’t split the youngests inheritance… that’s hers? 🤨

God, that has to be a mumsnet classic quote. A six year old being taught about db and dc pensions. Now I've heard it all.

Are you the poster who wanted to turn up at the panto with your uninvited eldest and who had a separate wedding invite drama? 🧐

OP is pissed off because he inlaws won't go along with her rewriting history and won't pretend that her elder daughter is their biological relation too.

Happy blended families.

That’s my thoughts, if not new section needed!

OP isn’t going to disclose the amount or even the ball park , she’s already been asked several times and swerved the question !

This 😂. Made me laugh out loud . I know some very intelligent children but none this clever …

The amount is key here. If it’s £10k or £1m!!! Although having said that even £5k would be a huge sum for a 6 year old to comprehend. Inheritances can really ruin people.

All you can do OP is treat your 2 DC equally. They will know they are loved equally. The DC have different fathers so different extended families. Be prepared that they may inherit and be treated differently in general by the extended families. You say your DH treats both children the same so on a day to day basis they are treated equally. Make sure you leave in your will to both of your DC equally. Don't be tempted to try to leave more to your eldest or you will hurt your youngest. The grandparents have done nothing wrong. They were most likely excited to be able to tell your youngest she would be gaining some money.

You have every right to be. There's a complexity to this issue. Due to your daughters being half siblings one child is inheriting while the other isn't. It needs to be handled sensitively. And at an age appropriate time. Your husband and his parent are muppets. I'd be flaming.

Any interest gained would belong to youngest child also. You can't steal from one child to give to another.

I get it, you don't believe it, fair enough. It is however, true. My husband used to listen to R4 driving him places and he would ask questions. He got given simple explanations and over time, more detailed ones. It was always a point of humour amongst my friendship group that he was more financially savvy than me. So I understand your disbelief.

I disagree, I think it is fine for your 6 year old to know she has inherited. Also, it may be a better time for them both to know, because the amount of money is fairly meaningless to a 6 year old and even a 10 year old, as they won't be able to perceive the amount in realistic terms and will likely just put it to the backs of their minds.
People can talk about wills and inheritance all they like, my older relatives sometimes did.

Why shouldn't they? I agree entirely with your DH. You said elsewhere that it should be private. Well it's the child's money, so it's not something that should be kept private from her! It could be kept private from other people, but not from the person that it actually belongs to!

You're clearly just angry because your child won't receive any of it. There's absolutely no other rational reason for you to be so infuriated.

My granddaughter is six. Only last week her auntie had a chat with her about saving for something that DGD really wanted, and DGD was sharing with her how much money she has. Money conversations are important.

I'd be most annoyed too. It's up to you & DH what and how you tell your children whats on their savings accounts.

Kids are materialistic, insensitive and weird about having money and possessions.

A 6yo absolutely will be spreading it round the playground and telling her half sibling as some kind of flex. It's so unnecessary for many years yet, when your DD will be more equipped to understand how this could affect her relationship with her sister.

I'd be most fucked off.

Thats not true otherwise you wouldnt have mentioned your 10 year old in the first post so extensively.

This is all about your 10 year old.

Your ILs obviously felt that your DH was comfortable for 6 yr old to know that she is a beneficiary. Many people wouldnt hide it from kids in case their parents spend the money

He isn't that clever. He is curious and asks a lot of questions though. And listens to the answers.

Mm. 6 is young but I suspect they have done this to avoid you trying to split it in "fairness". It's not fair, you being mum to both does not mean that you are the centre of the family tree scale which should be balanced on either side.