Wedding invite says “your presence is present enough” but also “we will have a wishing well”

[Sweetunicorn1]

What do you think, my sisters wedding invite says your presence is present enough to us but also if you want to make a contribution there will be a wishing well. Personally, I hate the wishing well thing and don’t think you should put you hand out for people to ‘contribute’ to your wedding. People who want to give you a cash gift (like grandparents and parents) will do so without a wishing well. Also, I just think it seems disingenuous to say “your presence is present enough” but then in the next breath that there’s a wishing well. Pick a lane.

It sounds unspeakably naff.

YABU because nobody feels comfortable giving absolutely nothing. So it’s much better to have cash that can be used for something worthwhile, then lots of unwanted gifts.

People will give no matter what.

Don’t have a problem with it. 99% of people will want to give something, but how many wine glasses does one couple need? Most guests are happy with a bit of guidance re what to buy so if they just want the cash so be it.

Well, it’s much easier and better than spending money on something they may not want or need. Assuming you would be buying them something why not just give them them the cash? Otherwise you’re giving them what you want to give rather than what they would like to receive.

But in that case don’t put “your presence is present enough”. Just say there will be a wishing well. I feel like you can’t have it both ways.

Yes I get that, but why put the your presence is present enough part? Either your presence is present enough OR please give us money in lieu of a gift

They don’t want people to feel obliged but equally accept most people will want to give something. I dunno what a wishing well is, but 90% of weddings I’ve been to in the last 10 years have had something along these lines on the invite and it’s fine.

As much as I don't particularly like the twee wording in wedding invites, I think you're being overly picky here.

They're literally saying they don't expect gifts, however if people choose to give them they can. You know, because people tend to give gifts regardless.

I think it's crass to mention anything about gifts on a wedding invitation. I was brought up to believe that is rude to mention or expect gifts.

If I'm invited to a wedding I will usually ask the bride and groom what they want or just give money however it leaves a bad taste for me if gifts were mentioned on the invite.

When we got married we didn't mention gifts.

Many gave us money or vouchers but some gave us some lovely personalised gifts which I really appreciated. I don't understand the concern about getting lots of the same. That didn't happen for us but if it did I wouldn't care but be grateful for what people had bought us. I'm always breaking wine glasses so would be good to have a back up.

It gives people a choice I am sure people are capable of making their own minds up?

Personally, I've got enough "stuff". I don't want a new breadmaker, or crystal goblets etc. If I just say "no gifts" people will bring them anyway, as it is socially expected. The asian style of cash envelopes makes much more sense IMO.

We had a party saying your presence is the present etc

90% of people brought presents

So they’re saying we have enough stuff - but if you can’t get over your trained generous behaviour - that you must bring a gift - then we’d suggest cash….

Hard to win. Especially if you have experience of these types of things.

People can’t win, can they?

This is your hangup, probably a weird cultural bias. British people are SO weird about money in general.

As a PP said most people don’t want or need more stuff and clutter these days by the time they get married. Your taste may also not be theirs. Pointless spending money on what you think they would like when they may not need or want it.

I bet you’d also find a way to be offended if they’d sent a gift list of things at different costs that would actually be useful and wanted to choose from. Yet you somehow also find it offensive them having stated that IF anybody wants to bring a gift that money would be best. Cash gifts are totally normal and expected practice in the vast majority of cultures. Giving cash isn’t “contributing to someone’s wedding”: they’ve already paid for that. It is a present for their future (as an aside I also find it shocking how stingy about wedding gifts British people tend to be, which again would be considered embarrassing in most cultures!).

Presumably you accept that turning up to a wedding without a gift would be exceptionally rude, yet they’ve even indicated they would be ok with such awful behaviour and you’re still not happy, so what do you suggest? Should people just waste money buying unwanted things that may not need or even like and the bride and groom should pretend to be grateful, all so that people like you don’t get in a flap about people being open about things? How pointless for everyone involved and a silly fuss about nothing.

Also how unpleasant to write a post like this about people who clearly thought you were close enough to them that you were worth including in their wedding. Do them a favour and just decline the invitation.

YABU. You sound nice. 🤔

I agree. My friend got married a few years ago and on their invitations they wrote ‘no gifts and any gifts will be returned to sender’. I loved that!

Agree!
Either it's no need for a present OR bring cash
One or the other
Nothing wrong with a wishing well per se, but not when they've literally just told you no presents
Maybe she doesn't understand that the statements are contradictory?

They're giving guests the chance to pick a lane and give cash (saving the time, trouble and wastefulness of gift-shopping) or nothing.

You don't like your sister much do you.

Try as I might, I cannot imagine coming on here and making a negative post about my Dsis and her wedding plans.

Another poster is right about how weird some people are about weddings and money. It is 2026, not the 1970s. Most couples live together now, before marrying. It makes sense to tell folk not to waste their money on stuff they already have, but let them know a cash contribution would be welcome.

It is money, not a bloody body part!

People can give or not, they can find it cringe, or find it practical.

I personally prefer giving money as I hate shopping. But that's me. This is a non issue IMO.

I do know what you mean, & I would think the same as you. Like are we giving a gift ot not?! Don't Fanny around saying 2 different things.

It’s very clear: nobody is required to bring a gift but if they wish to then they should give cash not random objects, like in most cultures. What don’t you understand?

I'd rather not give a gift. So I won't (and am pleased not to be guilt-tripped into it). Or, I'd love to give a gift so I'll give cash and not waste everyone's time shopping for unwanted fripperies. Everybody wins.

I think its her sister if I understand correctly!

What is the wishing well pot for? I've been to such things - 'no presents except your presence' - and it's usually money for a charity. People have the choice whether to give or not and nobody knows who has given what, the same would apply if you were giving the couple money.

Some weddings invitations have 'no boxed gifts' on them but there's someone at a table taking money. Again nobody will know who gives what or at all.

The thing is, most people have their home gadgets nowadays by the time they marry but guests will naturally want to give them something and may buy a little gift which is not needed/wanted. Having a donation is more sensible.

Parents and close family are different, they'll give generously but privately or else buy something big, or pay for something, that the couple really does want. The donation thing is more for non family guests.

Although I wouldn’t use their phrasing, I think it’s quite clear. You aren’t expected to bring a present. But if you want to please give money. I wouldn’t have a problem with that.

Clearly they don’t want ‘stuff’ bur they want money.