Wedding invite says “your presence is present enough” but also “we will have a wishing well”

[Sweetunicorn1]

What do you think, my sisters wedding invite says your presence is present enough to us but also if you want to make a contribution there will be a wishing well. Personally, I hate the wishing well thing and don’t think you should put you hand out for people to ‘contribute’ to your wedding. People who want to give you a cash gift (like grandparents and parents) will do so without a wishing well. Also, I just think it seems disingenuous to say “your presence is present enough” but then in the next breath that there’s a wishing well. Pick a lane.

Yes but the people who really actually genuinely don’t want gifts wouldn’t say “no need to get us gifts. There’ll be a box for gifts”. They’d just say the part about “presence is enough of a present”. And yes, a lot of people would bring something anyway, because it’s the norm. But writing “they’ll be a wishing well” puts a pressure on people which completely undoes the “presence is present..” message.
If you are putting out a wishing well, you will be disappointed if there’s nothing in it. So don’t write that you don’t want gifts.
If you genuinely don’t want gifts, write just that in the invitation, do not mention a gift box, and graciously accept any gifts that come anyway.

I had missed in your OP that it’s your sister’s wedding when I wrote my first response. How horrible to write a post like this about her wedding.

As multiple posters have told you:

a) it’s perfectly normal to give cash at weddings and is the most common arrangement; and

b) what the invitation states is perfectly clear so your faux “confusion” is nonsense.

And now your latest comment makes it sound like you are doing her some kind of favour by attending.

Is there a reason you resent her so much?

It's your sister. Give her a gift and if a wishing well is her wish (lol) just go with it.

Maybe they couldn't think of anything that rhymes with please don't dump a load of unwanted tat on us.

money is really useful
i think the invitation wording is nice

Most people would never be comfortable to go to a wedding and not give a gift of any kind. It’s very bad manners. Despite this, the couple have tried to emphasise that they do not mind if guests don’t bring a gift. Perhaps they have some friends they know are having very difficult financial times but really want these people to come because they love them, so want to ensure their friends don’t feel they cannot attend the wedding if they cannot afford a gift and the couple are therefore trying to ensure the friends who are struggling financially don’t feel bad about coming empty handed. Meanwhile the couple likely know that 99% of people would bring a gift or cash regardless if they say nothing about gifts on the invitation and they probably don’t want to receive clutter so have also been clear that - like at most weddings - anybody who does want to give a gift should give cash not random, unwanted objects.

All perfectly understandable and reasonable and actually quite thoughtful to guests, as it seems designed in both circumstances to avoid any awkwardness.

I genuinely don’t understand what on earth the alleged problem is and given this is the OP’s sister, if the OP was genuinely “confused” about what to do rather than just being unpleasant about her sister, the OP could just ask her sister for clarification rather than asking strangers online?

With a sister like you who needs enemies eh?

I really hope this isn’t actually your sister and that you’ve changed some details. Otherwise sharing both the exact wording and your relationship to the bride is very outing.

Of course you can. I wanted no presents at all but DH didn't mind and said, correctly I think, that lots of people will want to give something so it's helpful to give them a steer. But we really didn't want anyone to give anything if they didn't want to.

So we said (with no cringey poem!) that really nothing was expected but if they wanted to we would very much appreciate some John Lewis vouchers or a contribution to the charity page we had set up to be split between two charities.

So covered all bases by giving people an idea if they wanted to get us something, a charity option if they liked that idea or being clear there were no expectations and we were very happy with that.

I think you are a bit jealous that your your sister might get given a fair bit of money.

Yes, it's been par for the course in NZ for years also. It's rare for people not to be living together already and they have most of the things they want. I can't remember when I last heard of anyone having a gift registry.

As has been pointed out already if they didn't include the part about money there would be guests who would turn up with gifts, probably mostly things not required.

(as an aside I also find it shocking how stingy about wedding gifts British people tend to be, which again would be considered embarrassing in most cultures!)

Yet again British culture gets bashed on Mumsnet, while people would be up in arms if anyone was so dismissive of another country’s traditions…

Aside from that, this isn’t the burn you think it is. It’s ridiculous the amount some people end up spending to attend a wedding. Gifts should be a pleasure to give and receive, not an expectation that puts people seriously out of pocket.

Save your money.
I don't believe that wishing wells (or Trevi fountain) actually work. I put a shilling in one (I believe it has to be a silver coin) and wished for... well I can't actually say because I understand that invalidates the wish) and anyway the Queen never did invite me to the Palace.
Oh bugger, I think I just negated my wish - well that's a shilling wasted then. 😧

You’re massively overthinking this.

Why do you hate your sister

The last wedding we went to was no gifts but an option to give to a charity instead.

WTF is a wishing well?

This is exactly how I feel

Ahhh. So you’re cross that you feel obliged to have the “inconvenience” of attending and that your sister may receive wedding gifts when you didn’t because you decided to get married without inviting anyone.

Perfectly reasonable to not want a load of gifts you will likely never use and don't want. A wishing well when they have stated no need for anything is fine for those who do want to leave a message or monetary gift without feeling pressured.

I think that’s fine. They say ‘you don’t need to bring a present. If you really want to give something then give cash, but for Gods sake, we don’t need more wine glasses’.

No. Much like with most cultures there are things about British culture that are great. And much like most cultures there are things about British culture that are not great, including a propensity of a significant minority of British people to be unusually stingy, weird about any mention of money in any context, and very strange about attending family events and portraying this as some kind of unwelcome obligation that they resent.

So what do you consider “stingy”?

sure you would be giving your sister a present regardless

A good example would be someone moaning about the cost of attending their own sister’s wedding.