Wedding invite says “your presence is present enough” but also “we will have a wishing well”

[Sweetunicorn1]

What do you think, my sisters wedding invite says your presence is present enough to us but also if you want to make a contribution there will be a wishing well. Personally, I hate the wishing well thing and don’t think you should put you hand out for people to ‘contribute’ to your wedding. People who want to give you a cash gift (like grandparents and parents) will do so without a wishing well. Also, I just think it seems disingenuous to say “your presence is present enough” but then in the next breath that there’s a wishing well. Pick a lane.

Really? You don't think it's sad and something to have a moan about if you can't afford to your sister's wedding and you'd just think 'meh, I'll just not go'.

I would read that as “we prefer no presents, but if you absolutely have to bring one, please make it cash”
16 years after our wedding we finally manage to freecycle/charity shop all the “stuff” we got…. nobody needs 6 boxes of wine glasses, table cloths, vases, plates etc!

Tacky and twee.

Oh FFS.

Meh. Wouldn't bother me. Better her suggestion than end up with a mile-high pile of triplicate copies of unwanted tat - because if you DON'T suggest money as an alternative to nothing, you're going to end up with the aforementioned mile-high unwanted tat.

What comes across is that you really don't like your sister, OP. Analysing her choice of words like a high school English teacher marking an essay. I hope you're not her bridesmaid.

My sister wrote that in her wedding invites (without the wishing well), but I was there when she opened her cards with the ££££ signs flashing in her eyes counting up how much cash she had in total as she opened up each card.

IMO the words are used as a way of virtue signalling, but at the same time giving you the clear message “hand over your cash!”

If this was the concern the OP would be speaking to her sister about the costs of travel rather than writing unpleasant posts online about her sister saying that the guests didn’t need to bring a present.

Well, you choose an affordable but thoughtful gift, that you hope will express your love for the couple, such as a picture of somewhere meaningful to them, or something you hope they might use/see regularly and think of you…. oh wait. Nope, they only want cash, and the only way you can show your love for them that way is by giving a big amount. Which has crassly put you in a very difficult position. But the British expectation that gifts are meaningful items not money is being weird, apparently.

This. I don’t know why people get so worked up about this.

We said “no presents please” - still got an absolute ton of stuff. most got charity shopped/freecycled. Some had to move through 3 international moves because we felt guilty to throw out what the giver no doubt thought was a thoughtful gift…..and they probably still congratulate themselves on having chosen such an amazing gift.
Nothing, or cash if you absolutely must makes sense.

Absolutely. It’s so disingenuous and deliberately unpleasant. A really petty, unconvincing and mean post which indicates that the OP dislikes her sister. That would be the best thing for her to address, rather than this obsession about a wedding gift she’s already been told is not expected or necessary.

I understand OP. Your presence ISN’T their present, they would like money.
Better would be to say “If you would like to bring a gift, we have chosen to have a wishing well”

I haven’t been to a wedding that’s had a wishing well, I’m mid 50s so I guess it’s a modern thing. I have been to some second weddings but they have insisted on NO gifts, which guests have respected.

People don't carry cash anymore. Bars are cashless, so are taxis. So it's just a warning in advance. It took a while for churches to have contactless payments, because people would forget to take cash for the collection. People no longer want stuff. It's a cultural norm to give a wedding gift. I went to a wedding were it was made clear, to a few of their neighbours that they absolutely didn't want a gift of any type, the neighbours were skint. The rest of us put the money in our cards. Card/post boxes had become a thing. You can get a card for 80p, no-one knows if it's empty. Respect the wishes of the person who is inviting you and if you can't not make it all about you and go to wish them well, stay away.

No, your presence would be a present they would be very happy with but IF you want to give something material then cash would be preferred. And easiest for you too. It's the best of all worlds for both guests and the couple.

Whoopee.

Some would say that’s incredibly selfish. I wouldn’t. But some might.

She's just giving the guests a choice - there is no expectation of a gift and no offence will be taken if they don't bring a gift. But some people will always want to give a gift, and for them there is a wishing well to pop the card/envelope in.

I think your sister sounds sensible and gracious - not seeking gifts but understands that some people will give regardless and has made space for that too.

You on the other hand sound ghastly, bitching to strangers about your sister’s wedding in the middle of the night.

I'm with you OP. Such poor manners asking for cash and to make it worse masquerading under 'your presence is the gift'. Yuk.

She's not asking for cash.

I completely disagree, most people will feel odd giving no gift and they will still end up with 40 wine glasses.

It gives the people that dont want to or cant afford to buy gifts the option without having to feel bad.

When my husband and i got married we didnt need anything. We had been living together for 5 years.

We said no gifts, still received a tonne. Wish we had put something along cash would be preferred. As we have gifts we dont need that we feel too guilty to give away.

Its a sign of the times, most couples live together before marriage now.

Can't win with some people.

Sounds pretty normal to me, not seen the wishing well bit before normally seen it followed up with something about honeymoon contributions. Most people will read it as it’s not a requirement but if you want to give something money would be great. Wedding couple get an amazing honeymoon and wedding guests don’t have to think about what to buy just put some cash on an envelope. Win win.

YABU, your sister is making it clear that nobody has to give anything but if they want then they can give cash.
I prefer to give cash. If I give a present then it might not be exactly what the want or it might be the same as someone else has given. I don’t have to lug a present to the wedding.

But I bet there are lots of other rules from that era that you DON'T follow?

My mum doesn't congratulate women on their engagements as it was considered rude, that they might have been pursuing the man.

Old rules aren't necessarily good rules.

I wish cash was just standard as a gift and didn’t need it to be said so people don’t have to feel the couple were being cheeky or rude or twee and the guest didn’t have to raid tk maxx or John Lewis if you’re posh looking for something unique and to their taste than 5 other guests also thought was a great idea. Fuck gifts, cold hard cash pls.

that’s what I think everyone should write - don’t waste your time choosing a gift, it will undoubtedly be wrong and we’ll all feel shit, if you want to give us something that will warm our heart, then just stick cash into a card.
It almost rhymes. 😂