Wedding invite says “your presence is present enough” but also “we will have a wishing well”

[Sweetunicorn1]

What do you think, my sisters wedding invite says your presence is present enough to us but also if you want to make a contribution there will be a wishing well. Personally, I hate the wishing well thing and don’t think you should put you hand out for people to ‘contribute’ to your wedding. People who want to give you a cash gift (like grandparents and parents) will do so without a wishing well. Also, I just think it seems disingenuous to say “your presence is present enough” but then in the next breath that there’s a wishing well. Pick a lane.

Presumably they wrote the same message on everyone’s invitation but they are aware that not everyone’s situation is the same. So they probably don’t want guests coming from abroad and spending a lot of money and annual leave to attend their wedding to feel like they should give a cash gift on top of that. But they may also have friends and family coming from close by who they genuinely would like to receive a cash gift from that would go towards replenishing their savings after paying for the wedding or whatever.

I got married in Vegas in the early 1990s. Had a party on our return, and used the 'your presence is present enough' line.

Everyone bought us towels. I am still getting through those towels as I appear to have gained custody of them after our divorce.

The wishing well is a good option for preventing things like this

Well not everyone has huge amounts of spare money to chuck about.

Maybe just be happy for your sister instead of such a misery?
They’re trying to be nice, by taking the pressure off those who might not have much, and allowing those who wouldn’t go empty-handed (like me) the opportunity to give something.

I think this is standard format. Don't feel obliged but we'd like cash. "No boxed gifts" is the other naff wording.

One invite I've received gives a qr code to pay direct to their bank. I honestly felt this was fine. The couple are throwing a lovely party. We all want to go. They were upfront that the cash is going towards the cost of the wedding. I also think they genuinely aren't bothered if people gift or not or how much.

I imagine your sister would note who doesn't gift because it's pretty poor for friends not to gift but close family I'd say you're OK not to gift.

Not all my siblings and siblings in law gave wedding gifts.

Did she give to you? If you aren't married yet she can choose not to give you a wedding gift in future.

At my daughter’s wedding some people gave a cash contribution and some gave nothing at all. Nobody was judged. As said on the invitation it is a choice.

This, some people need to move with the times. Unless it's a real fancy toaster, kettle (Smeg etc) then no one is going to want a double up.

I got married in 1997 and just last week while having a clear out I found the mug hangers that my brother gifted me...still in the dusty box. Never used them (never had the need), offered them to my adult DD and she doesn't want them either. So, off to the charity shop they go after cluttering up my house for nearly 30 years.

We said no presents on our invite but, if you would like to mark our day, we have a webpage for donations to charity.

We got married after 10 years of being together. There was nothing we needed for home set up and we were fortunate enough to not need cash either. Most guests were traveling to our wedding, so it was already expensive for them. But we knew if we only said "no need for gifts" full stop, we would still get some and we wanted to try and channel that.

I totally get why this couple have said what they said.

People will always question or ignore the statement "I just want you there on the day". And I'm prepared bet some people will have thought/will think, asking for charity donations was us trying to make ourselves look good. It wasn't. But people will misconstrue most things.

Even with our set up, we still got 3 physical gifts.

Yabu.

they aren’t ’having It both ways’

they are giving their guests the option of choosing the way they want.

this isn’t really difficult to understand I don’t think. Most people want to give something - we get that you don’t but I for example would be embarrassed to go to a wedding and not take a gift of some sort - so ‘your presence is our present’ covers people like you and you don’t have to give, and ‘wishing well’ would be perfect for me as I will happily do that (whatever it is).

It means please don't give us a bunch of tat for the sake if it, we don't want a pile of presents to sort out. If you can't bring yourself to come empty handed put a tenner in a card.

It's so naff.
If you can't afford the wedding without the guests being asked to give cash then scale back your plans.
We don't invite people to other parties and ask for a contribution.
If you don't want toasters and towels have a gift list so guests can give you what you do want.
Many companies now allow guests to give a contribution to a more expensive gift if they can't afford the whole item.
But basically saying " we're inviting you to a party and we'd like you all to pay for it" is so rude

Interesting that this is how you’d frame the cost of attending the wedding of a sibling. That attitude to family explains many of your other comments.

Where did it say the cash would be used to pay for the wedding?! That’s a bit of a wild assumption.

I don't see a problem. Instead of gifts that may be duplicated, what's wrong with a wishing well? If you're on a tight budget you can give what you can afford and not be subjected to choosing an expensive gift that your sister may not like or even need. Win/win.

Money is totally standard gift upon marriage is many many cultures. Nothing weird or grabby.

A lot of people really want to give gifts....

Weddings are also tricky to navigate. I found this when i married, I didnt even want gifts and was basically pushed into a gift list and received a lot of cash.

You sound like you are on the spectrum from your writing style (and I dont say that often on here). This pick a lane chat is bizarre.
Her invite says "we dont need you to gift anything but if you want to we prefer cash" thats a clear "lane choice" to me.

Unless you hate her and want to make some point... Irrespective of what you think of her "lane" and the well....put £50 in a card, put on a nice dress and smile and be pleasant for the requisite 6 hrs like any decent sisslter would do.
If you cant do that, do everyone a favour and make a plausible excuse, save the money you seem to begrudge spending, and just dont attend.

I’ve come across countless situations where the peoole gettung married insist on no presents abd people insist they possibly cannot attend without giving anything at all. Hence this combo, I imagine.
It’s not a big deal. At all.
I assume good been on with them saying if you insist on giving something, give it to charity? Some still insist on giving the newlyweds something.

Don't see anything wrong with it

They may sincerely mean that people's presence is present enough but also appreciate that the vast majority of people attending weddings want to give money or a gift

They could have selected much better wording, but the intention is ok.

A lot of guests don't like contributing money, but this is 2026 and most couples live together before marriage and have furnished a home. We have to accept that today's couples would prefer to have cash towards the home or holidays.

It's a very clumsy way of saying "don't buy things we don't want or need, but you can give cash if you want'.

Agree op it’s one or the other.

Honestly the things people choose to moan about on here that are completely normal...some posters could pick an argument in an empty room.

The wording on the invite is standard and has been for decades. If you don't want to give anything, don't, your sister really won't care. However, the faux naivety of pretending its so confusing just makes you sound daft.

Then decline an invitation.

If you don't have the money you don't have the money. Full stop. Attending a wedding abroad will cost thousands. Would you expect someone to get into debt to go? Or not go to a close relatives wedding? Because that's what it boils down to for many.

It's like when people talk about the cultures where it's the norm to give hundreds of pounds/dollars/euros as a wedding gift. What on earth do you do if you don't have that sort of money to spare. Because many don't.

Why do you think that's what they are doing? They have said they don't want or expect cash, just that if you want to give us something that would be lovely. And don't want a load of stuff.

When we said we really don't want or need any presents but if you really want to some vouchers would he great or a charity contribution to these charities we meant it. We were trying to give everyone all the options to make it easiest for them.

Sod all to do with collecting to pay for the party.

You must live in a very privileged little bubble if you can’t understand that not everyone can afford to simply declare “Oh, but it’s family!” and happily write out a cheque. That clueless attitude explains many of YOUR comments.

I think it’s very sensible. A lot of people will want to get something even when told not to, and this avoids bride and groom getting inundated with stuff they don’t want or need and allows those who feel they need to get something a solution. But also letting people know they don’t expect anything.