Wedding invite says “your presence is present enough” but also “we will have a wishing well”

[Sweetunicorn1]

What do you think, my sisters wedding invite says your presence is present enough to us but also if you want to make a contribution there will be a wishing well. Personally, I hate the wishing well thing and don’t think you should put you hand out for people to ‘contribute’ to your wedding. People who want to give you a cash gift (like grandparents and parents) will do so without a wishing well. Also, I just think it seems disingenuous to say “your presence is present enough” but then in the next breath that there’s a wishing well. Pick a lane.

I'd hate to be the sister you actually disliked then...

How can the OP be unreasonable?

They're not saying people won't want to give a gift, but if the B+G say being there is gift enough, it's clearly not if there's a wishing well. I.e bring your cash or cheque folks!

My DD and her fiancé are saying if you wish to give a gift, it’s a contribution to a wine list they have at a wine merchant. No stuff needed! They don’t need anything.

We just put no gifts necessary, makes it more comfortable for people who don't want to or can't afford. Saying that we got like 3 cards 😂 2 family members gave some money and a friend

Some weddings are so ridiculously expensive. Like putting on a conference (often in same venue), with full dinner and buffet, for hundreds of guests. Personally, I can’t understand why people spend that much.

I guess people could ask wedding guests to buy tickets to cover half the cost of their meals etc. But asking for voluntary contributions (including via a wishing well) is a compromise. Better than a load of gifts they don’t really want.

I guess a better way to have phrased is: ‘We’d really like you to come to help us celebrate. We don’t expect or want wedding gifts in return, as we have everything we need. But, if you’d like to gift something, a contribution of £xx per guest towards the party or honeymoon in our wishing well would be gratefully received’.

I would read that if you are not financially able to provide a gift , please come as we really want to spend this time with you - however if you do want to contribute any amount towards our day then you can ?

Because she's fundamentally missing the point that the couple are giving people every option and making it easiest for their guests. They are saying your presence is your present and mean it, IF you as the guest are also happy with that. But understanding that lots of people won't be and will want to get something here's what we are also offering to make it easy for you to give some cash if you'd rather.

Yes she is asking for cash. Otherwise people would be bringing along their toasters and wine glasses and throwing them into the "wishing well".

I don’t see the problem with it. They’re saying you’re under no pressure to give a gift, just come and enjoy the day. BUT, if you really want to, please don’t buy us a random carriage clock or photo frame, give us the cash instead’.

I remember organising a surprise big birthday for my mum and making the rookie error of not saying anything about gifts. She ended up with 3 very similar carriage clocks and all sorts of things that she couldn’t use. She was very grateful for people’s kindness and generosity but what do you do with dozens of gifts from well-meaning people, that you know you’ll never use? Best thing to do is state your preferences up front as your sister has done. No biggie.

'I'll give a tenner if it lasts five years'.
Save yourself a tenner.

She's not. You're missing the point. They don't want gifts, most couples these days don't want physical gifts as they already live together. They are merely acknowledging that lots of people will still want to get something so letting people know there will be somewhere to put cards and cash should they wish to give it

No one turns up to a wedding empty handed even when a couple have said no gifts. Anyone who claims to not understand that this is perfectly normal and not some money grab is just looking for something to complain about.

Just throw a few quid in 😁

All wedding invites i have had in recent tears string out this silly untrue nonsense. You have to bring a check or I suppose notes. That is well understood now.

You can’t win on here with weddings. Crass to expect gifts, crass to have a gift list, crass to say no gifts, crass to say what would actually be useful instead of receiving 50 photo frames. I sometimes wonder if a lot of people on MN actually like the people whose weddings they go to?

This is such a reasonable thing to say, that presents are not required or expected but if you insist (which a lot of people ultimately will) make it cash.

I think you must have some bigger beef going on with your sister if it’s bothering you so much because this is a totally normal and clear invite.

If you say no gifts people winge and moan and you end up fielding endless phone calls about what people can get you - I would read that as you don’t have to give anything but if you are the kind of person who can’t stand that then cash please

You sound incredibly uptight

Just because you’re materialistic, it doesn’t mean that everyone else is.

We asked for no gifts at our wedding and didn’t realise that some people struggle with that request and bought us something anyway.

It was actually a bit annoying as we were moving abroad and already having to get rid of stuff, so the unwanted extra stuff just added to our burden.

As someone who once gave far more than we could afford to buy the cheapest thing on the list (£600 for DH work friend) and a few years later was told "oh yes, you gave us that awful ugly lamp" ..... embrace the wishing well.
They don't want to make a list and are better people than to just tell some shop to make one for them.

On our wedding invites we literally did not mention presents. There was no gift list/registry or a tacky line asking for cash for honeymoon or whatever.

people will give a gift regardless and in this day and age most people will give cash anyway. I just don’t think it needs to be mentioned. You wouldn’t put a line about gifts on an invite to any other party so I don’t get why people do it for weddings

Nothing wrong with the invitation.

Don't feel obliged to bring gifts of any kinds, if you do, we prefer money over stuff.

Without the second part they would still end up with things - and having to feel grateful for them, whether it is regifted crap or carefully selected expensive item which just doesn't match their taste.

I’d much rather give people what they want.

This is called projection. Pathetic tbh.

Yeah you can't say presence is a present then add that they're open to cash gifts tbh. We put your presence is a present on ours and made it clear we didn't expect anything because a) most people had to travel and book a hotel to attend our wedding where we lived and b) there was free wine and craft ale kegs but that's all, the bar wasn't free so it was costing people enough to come, we just wanted them to have fun and not worry a out thenadded expense of a gift too. We did end up with gifts that we didn't expect though 😅

@LifeisLemons we had exactly the same experience - about to move abroad, said we didn’t want presents, and people though a box of champagne flutes was an ideal present….. it actually cost us money to get rid of some presents….