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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To end my two friendships over this? (Pregnancy)

349 replies

Fluffymop · 14/02/2026 12:44

I recently found out I was pregnant, and although I’m only 7 weeks I’m excited. No cramping and no blood or anything. So far so good.

i have two best friends. (They don’t know each other)- but both have reacted terribly.

My first friend has reacted the strangest. I told her because we talk every single day, do things together often and my partner works away and family are quite far, so thought it would be good for someone to know. I’ve been there for her through everything, break ups, her dad’s illness, driving to hospitals at 4am, lent her money when she’s been short. Helped her move house.

So when I told her her first comment was “well don’t get attached as there’s a 50% likelihood you’ll miscarry” so I agreed, though don’t believe it’s that high, but said that of course I’ll be cautious until 12 weeks. She then proceeded to ignore me for 9 days. We usually speak daily on WhatsApp. I didn’t actually mind the peace but then she sent me a long message saying that I had basically ruined her life. She wants children (she’s in a brand new relationship). She can’t control her emotions or anger towards my situation and will be fine as long as baby is never mentioned. That she can’t put into words how she feels but she isn’t pleased at all. She just kept saying repeatedly she’s struggling with her emotions.

She has never struggled with infertility or anything and has been on birth control for the last fifteen years. Of course, if this was the case then I’d have been more sensitive. There’s no reason to suggest she couldn’t fall next month. I now feel just bitter and upset towards her. And made to feel guilty for being pregnant even though I’m a woman in her mid thirties and own my own home etc.

Next friend, bit more understandable. She had an ectopic 17 years ago. I had to tell her as we had a holiday to the US booked two weeks after my expected due date. She was fine but said that she wouldn’t be able to speak to me until baby is here. I sadly said that’s fine and have given her space.

but I just feel upset. I’m not expecting anyone to jump for joy. End of the day nobody is really excited for a baby other than family, but I’ve stuck by these two people through thick and thin. I’ve been there at 4am through breakups, driven hours to pick them up places, just always been a loyal and good friend and both have cut me out because I’m pregnant. We are mid 30’s by the way.

It’s making me feel like even if I go to my 12 week scan and my pregnancy isn’t successful. I dont want to be their friends anymore? AIBU?

OP posts:
DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 14/02/2026 12:46

Ditch them both. They sound horrible.

Forestfire12345 · 14/02/2026 12:49

Christ, what self centered friends . Ditch them . Look for people who would react the way you would for a friend. They've both requested radio silence- indulge them !

Thattimenow · 14/02/2026 12:51

It doesn’t seem like either really regard you as a friend let alone a best friend.

Beebumble2 · 14/02/2026 12:51

Oh my! How awful are these young women! Congratulations on your pregnancy, enjoy every minute of being a mother.
I’m a bit long in the tooth, but when I read posts like these I really don’t understand how women like this come to be so horrifying self indulgent.

Thattimenow · 14/02/2026 12:51

I dont want to be their friends anymore?

sadly I don’t think they want to be friends with you

LadyKenya · 14/02/2026 12:52

Have you cancelled the holiday? That is the first thing that I would be doing, and the second, is giving those Women indefinite space.

Fluffymop · 14/02/2026 12:53

Thank you all. I wanted perspective as I really felt like I’d done something wrong. I’d even offered to fully pay for holiday and for friend to take someone else so she didn’t miss out! Bone silence. If we cancel now we only lose our deposit of £100, and I’d happily give her that back also or let her keep mine to compensate herself! It’s all bonkers!

OP posts:
HeadLake · 14/02/2026 12:54

That’s fairly extreme behaviour I think from both of them. Very disappointing. Congrats on your pregnancy, great news!

aintnospringchicken · 14/02/2026 12:54

A true friend wouldn’t be so nasty.I would ditch them and block them.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 14/02/2026 12:56

That's awful OP. Not to sound unsympathetic but the second friend who can't cope with you being pg is also being really selfish. I think you are too kind saying it's somewhat understandable. Yes she had her struggles but many women do, she needs to grow up and accept what life has thrown at her. I understand she might be pissed off over the holiday but that's different, she is allowed be annoyed her holiday plans have changed but not be annoyed with you. I don't even know what to say about the first friend, she sounds pathetic and immature.

If they come back apologising in the next few weeks maybe there is some hope, friends are hard to come by and a mediocre friend may be better than none if you want to go out and have fun. If they don't apologise I think you are well rid. I feel really bad for you, you deserve support and positivity at this time.

Brefugee · 14/02/2026 12:57

congratulations OP. I think it is perfectly fine to tell people before 12 weeks, if they are the people you might also get support from if it all goes pear shaped.

Fingers crossed for you.

Bin them off. Either delete or archive their numbers, and if they contact you at all just ignore. Nobody needs jealous idiots in their lives. Least of all when you are pregnant. Good friends, no matter their own situation, are happy for you when you are happy and support you when you are sad. That is not these two.

Joopy · 14/02/2026 12:58

Congratulations! Some people are very self-centred.

Twooclockrock · 14/02/2026 12:58

So they are not true friends. At least you know now. How horrible of them.

Thattimenow · 14/02/2026 12:59

How long have you been “best friends” with them?

ToriMounj · 14/02/2026 12:59

These two are fucking ridiculous. Bin them both.

Fourfurrymonsters · 14/02/2026 13:01

Both of these “friends” are batshit. I wouldn’t have anything more to do with either of them.

Fluffymop · 14/02/2026 13:01

I’ve known and been friends with them both about fifteen years.

First friend has only ever really mentioned children in passing, and again is in a new relationship they’ve only been together nine weeks!

Second friend and her husband decided they didn’t want to have children, they considered adoption but both have health issues so again aside from the ectopic there are not on going fertility struggles however I am being gentle.

I just will get a massive ick if they can’t support or be there during my pregnancy but will expect to come and snuggle baby at the end of it all! No thanks!

OP posts:
TSW12 · 14/02/2026 13:02

Congratulations! You will find that your pregnancy and new baby will open up a whole new world of friendships. Enjoy, I loved being a new mum, even though it was a long time ago, and I'm sure you will too.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/02/2026 13:04

They both sound vile. Ditch! Congrats on your pregnancy OP!

Thattimenow · 14/02/2026 13:04

Fluffymop · 14/02/2026 13:01

I’ve known and been friends with them both about fifteen years.

First friend has only ever really mentioned children in passing, and again is in a new relationship they’ve only been together nine weeks!

Second friend and her husband decided they didn’t want to have children, they considered adoption but both have health issues so again aside from the ectopic there are not on going fertility struggles however I am being gentle.

I just will get a massive ick if they can’t support or be there during my pregnancy but will expect to come and snuggle baby at the end of it all! No thanks!

And in the 15 years of friendship… have either of them ever displayed this kind of behaviour?

JLou08 · 14/02/2026 13:05

They're awful! I was nervous telling my 2 best friends about my pregnancy as they'd been trying to conceive longer than I had and one had experienced a miscarriage. They were both really happy for me and the friendship didn't change at all.
I'd consider this the end of both friendships. They don't care about you sadly.

Heyheyitsanotherday · 14/02/2026 13:06

I actually think you’re being far too nice to them both. I’d have to tell them how horrid they’re both being and ditch them. Who needs enemies with friends like that. Congratulations with your pregnancy. Do not let them ruin this experience for you.

SMM2020 · 14/02/2026 13:08

Both are being massively unreasonable - appreciate the friend who had an ectopic struggles with that, but is she going to avoid pregnant people for the rest of her life? She’s also made a conscious decision not to try for children and that’s no-one else’s choice but hers.

The first friend can take a run and jump! What a bloody awful thing to say! I didn’t tell a friend when I fell pregnant with my first until the 12 weeks scan because she’d experienced a lot of loss and me losing a baby would have broken her heart - but this came from a place of love not jealousy.

I know we’re all being taught to have boundaries and express our feelings but things have crossed over too far imo!

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 14/02/2026 13:08

I'm not one for calm collected reactions and I'd have to have it out with them, particularly friend 1. Absolutely disgusting behaviour from the pair of them. Congratulations op, don't let them taint your happy news.

Yiayoula · 14/02/2026 13:08

What a nasty pair.
Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy, you will make plenty of new friends at ante-natal classes and as a new Mum.
Look forward to the great times to come !

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