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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To end my two friendships over this? (Pregnancy)

349 replies

Fluffymop · 14/02/2026 12:44

I recently found out I was pregnant, and although I’m only 7 weeks I’m excited. No cramping and no blood or anything. So far so good.

i have two best friends. (They don’t know each other)- but both have reacted terribly.

My first friend has reacted the strangest. I told her because we talk every single day, do things together often and my partner works away and family are quite far, so thought it would be good for someone to know. I’ve been there for her through everything, break ups, her dad’s illness, driving to hospitals at 4am, lent her money when she’s been short. Helped her move house.

So when I told her her first comment was “well don’t get attached as there’s a 50% likelihood you’ll miscarry” so I agreed, though don’t believe it’s that high, but said that of course I’ll be cautious until 12 weeks. She then proceeded to ignore me for 9 days. We usually speak daily on WhatsApp. I didn’t actually mind the peace but then she sent me a long message saying that I had basically ruined her life. She wants children (she’s in a brand new relationship). She can’t control her emotions or anger towards my situation and will be fine as long as baby is never mentioned. That she can’t put into words how she feels but she isn’t pleased at all. She just kept saying repeatedly she’s struggling with her emotions.

She has never struggled with infertility or anything and has been on birth control for the last fifteen years. Of course, if this was the case then I’d have been more sensitive. There’s no reason to suggest she couldn’t fall next month. I now feel just bitter and upset towards her. And made to feel guilty for being pregnant even though I’m a woman in her mid thirties and own my own home etc.

Next friend, bit more understandable. She had an ectopic 17 years ago. I had to tell her as we had a holiday to the US booked two weeks after my expected due date. She was fine but said that she wouldn’t be able to speak to me until baby is here. I sadly said that’s fine and have given her space.

but I just feel upset. I’m not expecting anyone to jump for joy. End of the day nobody is really excited for a baby other than family, but I’ve stuck by these two people through thick and thin. I’ve been there at 4am through breakups, driven hours to pick them up places, just always been a loyal and good friend and both have cut me out because I’m pregnant. We are mid 30’s by the way.

It’s making me feel like even if I go to my 12 week scan and my pregnancy isn’t successful. I dont want to be their friends anymore? AIBU?

OP posts:
Jeschara · 14/02/2026 14:12

Congratulations, only you know if you want these needy, self absorbed friends.
Do you think they used you when needed? It does sound to me like they want it to be all about them.
I have never heard a friend say I want a baby so can't talk to you. That is an unbelievable attitude and one you can do without.

liamharha · 14/02/2026 14:12

Fluffymop · 14/02/2026 12:44

I recently found out I was pregnant, and although I’m only 7 weeks I’m excited. No cramping and no blood or anything. So far so good.

i have two best friends. (They don’t know each other)- but both have reacted terribly.

My first friend has reacted the strangest. I told her because we talk every single day, do things together often and my partner works away and family are quite far, so thought it would be good for someone to know. I’ve been there for her through everything, break ups, her dad’s illness, driving to hospitals at 4am, lent her money when she’s been short. Helped her move house.

So when I told her her first comment was “well don’t get attached as there’s a 50% likelihood you’ll miscarry” so I agreed, though don’t believe it’s that high, but said that of course I’ll be cautious until 12 weeks. She then proceeded to ignore me for 9 days. We usually speak daily on WhatsApp. I didn’t actually mind the peace but then she sent me a long message saying that I had basically ruined her life. She wants children (she’s in a brand new relationship). She can’t control her emotions or anger towards my situation and will be fine as long as baby is never mentioned. That she can’t put into words how she feels but she isn’t pleased at all. She just kept saying repeatedly she’s struggling with her emotions.

She has never struggled with infertility or anything and has been on birth control for the last fifteen years. Of course, if this was the case then I’d have been more sensitive. There’s no reason to suggest she couldn’t fall next month. I now feel just bitter and upset towards her. And made to feel guilty for being pregnant even though I’m a woman in her mid thirties and own my own home etc.

Next friend, bit more understandable. She had an ectopic 17 years ago. I had to tell her as we had a holiday to the US booked two weeks after my expected due date. She was fine but said that she wouldn’t be able to speak to me until baby is here. I sadly said that’s fine and have given her space.

but I just feel upset. I’m not expecting anyone to jump for joy. End of the day nobody is really excited for a baby other than family, but I’ve stuck by these two people through thick and thin. I’ve been there at 4am through breakups, driven hours to pick them up places, just always been a loyal and good friend and both have cut me out because I’m pregnant. We are mid 30’s by the way.

It’s making me feel like even if I go to my 12 week scan and my pregnancy isn’t successful. I dont want to be their friends anymore? AIBU?

You are not responsible for the unfortunate situations and emotions these other ladies are feeling.
It must be difficult to have a friend who has been blessed with something they have lost or desperately want BIT it doesmt mean it gives them the right to be shitty and disrespectful to you.

BoredZelda · 14/02/2026 14:14

People have their own struggles with pregnancies. They are right to do whatever helps them in that situation. Just as you can choose whether to ditch them or not. Nobody is right or wrong, just incompatible.

amber763 · 14/02/2026 14:15

Congratulations to you first of all. I wish you and your baby all the very best and hope everything goes well.

Those people are not your friends. What weird, horrible reactions. Fuck them both! Tell them that too. Especially friend 1. I dont know anyone who would react like this in these circumstances

💐

Createausername1970 · 14/02/2026 14:16

Oh OP, what awful reactions to your good news.

Having been the person who had pregnancy problems and eventually adopted, I do understand their emotions, and how upsetting other people's pregnancy news was. But I would never have reacted in they way they did.

I had to work with a colleague who had fallen pregnant at the same time I did, and it was difficult to deal on a daily basis with her pregnancy progressing and mine not. I had some dark moments. But I tried my very hardest to get on with it and not create issues for her or me - or the rest of the office for that matter.

Good luck with everything and to be honest you will have your hands full for the next few years, and you won't have headspace for needy friends. As sad as this seems now, you will probably make other friends along the way. I still have existing friendships, but also some good friends I met through nursery and school.

💐

vickylou78 · 14/02/2026 14:21

Cut them both off. They sound awful and you deserve better.. You'll never forget this. I couldn't. Hope you pregnancy goes really well. Congratulations Op x

RaininSummer · 14/02/2026 14:21

They are not nice women and I am sorry you got that response.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/02/2026 14:24

Ime its the big events in life that show us who people really are. Weddings bringing out the bridezillas/BMzillas etc. Buying a house brings out the bitter envy in some. Having a baby....same.

Sounds like "friend" one doesnt like the fact that you have something that makes you special and she doesnt. Pathetic.

Second "friend" may simply be unable to deal with pregnancy if it brings back trauma from her ectopic. Tokophobia is real and hard to deal with but she shouldnt be so nasty about it.

neilyoungismyhero · 14/02/2026 14:24

Congratulations...lovely news...you need to ditch this gruesome twosome ASAP. Like a pp poster I would have to give them both a piece of my mind before you do. Their behaviour is both weird and indefensible.

everypageisempty · 14/02/2026 14:25

Congratulations on your happy news @Fluffymop

Your 'friends' are really friends, I'm afraid, if you're not allowed to have things in life that they don't. Hence the vile reactions to your happy news. You don't need people like that in your life.

PS5Gamer · 14/02/2026 14:26

Congratulations!

Enjoy your pregnancy without those two drains in your life! They are not your friends.

Tablesandchairs23 · 14/02/2026 14:26

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Ditch these people. They're selfish shitty people.

Randomlygeneratedname · 14/02/2026 14:26

For 7 long years I struggled with fertility, when friends announced they were pregnant it was like a real knife to the heart.

How did it react TO THEM? Well, I was excited, happy for them (genuinley) and threw baby showers, gave gifts, allowed these children to become like nieces and nephews. It was not their fault I couldn't get pregnant and it was not their burden to bare. Yes I quietly had a cry to my husband in private but that was for myself, not for their happiness which I never begrudged.

Ditch these people, YANBU.

Chipsahoy · 14/02/2026 14:27

My friend has multiple losses including a very late one where she had a traumatic induction and birth. She was nothing but lovely and supportive during my pregnancy yet I know that it must have caused her so much pain.
I tried to be sensitive but she still rang and text abs asked after the baby. That’s a friend.

YellowStockings · 14/02/2026 14:28

Congratulations, OP. Your 'friends' sound hugely self-centred and unkind, wishing you a smooth and healthy pregnancy.

I've had multiple miscarriages and it would never occur to me to be anything other than (outwardly at least) delighted for a close friend who is pregnant.

Katemax82 · 14/02/2026 14:29

Congratulations on your pregnancy! It's awful your friends have reacted this way!! I wish you all the best xx

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2026 14:30

"I’ve known and been friends with them both about fifteen years."

Have a think about those fifteen years with the pair of them. Whilst you've been supporting them through breakups, house moves, being broke, parent's illness, and "driving to hospitals at 4am" - what have they being doing for you?

What I'm asking is - are they really friends? Friendship is a two-way thing, and I suspect these friendships have predominantly travelled one-way; from you to them. I doubt you will feel much loss in your life if you never see them again.

I'd definitely be ditching the first friend and probably by telling her what an awful fucking human being she is. The second one, I'd cancel the holiday and rejoice in her losing her deposit too. Fuck the pair of them!

dapsnotplimsolls · 14/02/2026 14:30

They're both utter twats. Find better friends.

WagathaCreamT · 14/02/2026 14:31

I've only read the OP and rarely comment but I can't read this and move on. OP, firstly congratulations on your exciting news!
Secondly, these two sound like awful people and you're far better off without them. Life is too short to wonder why and try to fix things. They've reacted really unkindly in response to a really happy time for you, and you owe them nothing.

Feelingsadtodayagain · 14/02/2026 14:31

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I’m sorry that these people are being so awful to you. They are not your friends. I would definitely cancel the holiday.

MaggieBsBoat · 14/02/2026 14:32

WHat a ridiculous pair of attention seekers.

an ectopic pregnancy 17 years ago?! A poor excuse for this kind of reaction. And the other one? What on earth.

Get better friends.

Congratulations! 🥳

Frugalgal · 14/02/2026 14:32

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2026 14:30

"I’ve known and been friends with them both about fifteen years."

Have a think about those fifteen years with the pair of them. Whilst you've been supporting them through breakups, house moves, being broke, parent's illness, and "driving to hospitals at 4am" - what have they being doing for you?

What I'm asking is - are they really friends? Friendship is a two-way thing, and I suspect these friendships have predominantly travelled one-way; from you to them. I doubt you will feel much loss in your life if you never see them again.

I'd definitely be ditching the first friend and probably by telling her what an awful fucking human being she is. The second one, I'd cancel the holiday and rejoice in her losing her deposit too. Fuck the pair of them!

Edited

This. One million percent!!

Frugalgal · 14/02/2026 14:34

Congratulations! Do not let that vile selfish pair of witches ruin this for you. And the 50% pregnancy loss thing is rubbish, it's about 20% and most of those are very early.

Hotpants123 · 14/02/2026 14:35

Ummm, I think they both have enjoyed having your undivided attention, when ever they need you. You have been their support crutch. Have they ever been there for you?
They will nolonger be centre of your world. I think they are needy friends and this is not an equal friendship.
Pull away and do your own thing. Find friends who celebrate you.
Congrats on the pregnancy and enjoy your moment.

Biker47 · 14/02/2026 14:36

Yeah, the pair of them can fuck off as far as I'm concerned, then when they get there, they can fuck off some more.

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