My child is being assaulted

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DD 7has been assaulted multiple times by 2 boys in her year. She has been punched, slapped, kicked and pushed over.

Schools advice is for her to "keep away from the boys she knows are known to be volatile" so when they are playing whole year games, for example, the school have suggested she "uses clear language to ensure they are ready for theor turn, so as not to provoke their anger" and "when explained to the girls that their are some boys who are prone to angry outbursts, and the girls should avoid being around them"

AIBU, or is this absolutely ridiculous?!

I have an idea of what working in a school is like. Teachers like you refusing to take any responsibility whilst children are violently attacked or their work smashed up, were a major factor in me deciding to quit.

Teachers are trained to teach. That's our job. Full stop.

We're not behavioural psychologists. We're not parenting coaches. We're not social workers. We're not the police. People expecting us to do all these things while also somehow educate children is why the job is impossible.

It should never be our responsibility to restrain children and manage extreme behaviour of the sort many teachers are finding themselves having to deal with every day.

It is not teachers' responsibility to deal with this kind of behaviour. It is parents' responsibility.

People like you, blaming teachers for wider societal problems and expecting schools to raise children rather than their own parents, are the problem. Not teachers 'like me'.

Try actually being a teacher for a day - rather than just someone working in a school - and you might have a better idea of the reality.

@EnidSpyton well what can parents do to support teachers? To help support them with ensuring that these children who are violent and agressive and are frequently attacking others, children and staff, are suspended and if necessary permanently excluded?

Sorry if someone has said this but I'd be requesting a formal interview for you and DH with the Head, the Chair of Governors and the child's teacher. Take a written record with you. This whole situation entirely unacceptable.

Sounds like your child goes to the same one as my daughter. It’s unreal to be told this, we’ve been through the same and are unable to get a school move as we don’t live near any other schools with spaces.

Thankfully when she moved up a year she has a much stricter teacher who has had a handle on these boys and reduced the incidents to near zero from daily - some teachers actually do take responsibility, unlike what has been suggested in the post above.

That’s good to hear @kurotora weve had too much of the “kind hands” “well everyone is equally involved” nonsense!!

No obviously not
However it would explain the school asking her not to

Rather than the school making the fact she’s being punched the issue?

You don't know what has been said or done towards the boy wo has punched, for all you know he's been given detentions, suspended. Placed in special measures, reduced timetable, op would have no idea because it wouldnt be shared with her. The only bit she gets to know is what they've said to her child. Which is 'font keep going up to a child deliberately who is hurting you' because IST the only change she can make.

this country has gone to pots

None of this has been done, his parents have been informed, and the entire class has had a talking to about being kind and not using your hands, from the assistant head.

Feckless parents make feckless children. These boys probably don't have nice daddies.

I don't know thw main child's dad, but the mum seems pleasant and has chatted to me prior to this. The usual niceties at pick up and drop off. The other child is a new start and I know nothing about his family.

How would you know? They can't tell you if he's had punishment etc. or do you know the mum?

I have a daughter as well as a son and as a woman definitely if I hadn't seen the dynamics in my son's class I never would have believed how much the space invader kids cause chaos then stand back bewildered. Watch your daughter in the situations and ask yourself is she crowing/being inappropriate? Do the school say she is? Because that is not acceptable behaviour either and does need worked on.

This posters daughter is crowding a child a lot by the sounds of it, enough that school have spoke. To her about her behaviour and her mum doesn't see why she should address her child's behaviour at all. That's also feckless

So 2 separate children?

Not close friends either so not a group of kids picking on her.

Do the same boys hot other children? It does sound a lot like your daughter may be provoking something. Especially because of your complete unwillingness to accept a girl who has ASD and ADHD could be anything other than socially appropriate

Oh you seem like the beacon of all knowledge and wisdom... please do tell me how I should parent my child, because I clearly have no clue. Or maybe, just maybe, you should read my updates, and see my child is doing nothing wrong

🙄

I think people are just trying to say things may not be as they seem. You have no idea if your daughter is invading their space because you're not there, she well could be.

You seem absolutely certain of what's happened to the boys because of their behaviour but you don't actually know for sure because they wouldn't tell you, just like you don't know whether your daughter is behaving inappropriately towards these boys.

There are two children. One main child, boy, who has hit my daughter several times. A second boy, who pushed her once because he wanted past her and she was facing away from him, so instead of as, he shoved her, and because she has been assaulted by the first child twice that week, she got up off the ground and shoved him back, as I had advised her to do with the first child.

I always teach all my children to be kind, never raise their hands first. But I do also tell them they can always hit back. The pushing back incident was the only time any of my children have ever done so.

And yes, they are hitting other children. Only girls, mind you.

Your updates certainly state you don't think she's doing anything wrong but you seem completely unwilling to accept your child can have done anything wrong.

Yet 2 different children are struggling with her behaviour

The teachers are definitely taking the stance that her behaviour is causing a problem.

As I say, my son has never pushed/hit out etc again the girl who crowds him but her crowing effects him massively. If he was a kid who struggled not to hit out I'd definitely understand why he'd be hitting out in that scenario.

Why are you so against your child being asked not to deliberately annoy other children?

Hi there - I’m a teacher. Get the “advice” to stay away from/not “provoke” in writing.
then go to ofsted they will take this seriously especially at that age lmk if you need more info/help xx

I do know that the boys haven't been excluded, I do know that they haven't missed a single break time or lunch time, and I do know that they haven't been supervised, because I have another child at the school, along with family and friends children who can confirm this. It's a very small school.

So a child, who had never bothered her before. Shoved past her and she shoved him back? That's the biggest non event in school history.