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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

one holiday too many?

317 replies

robbys82 · 13/02/2026 21:57

Quite a long one here. I'll try to be succinct.
am I unreasonable to try to have the same summer holiday with my brother/sister again? sister has a summer villa in France that we can visit for no cost. ⁹and I want to go again this summer but partner does not.

we went last summer, and 3 and 4 years before. I accept it's repetitive, and also in a very quiet area of France, but it's also really cheap, has a pool, and our 2 boys (6 and 8) love the time with their cousins ( and want to go again). it's for 2 weeks. but partner will be working for 1. so I suggest they join us for the 2nd week only .

For context, my partner and I both get decent summer holidays and wage. but I am part time (3 days a week compared to 5) . partner earns approx double (25 Vs 50). I do absolutely all the house care and child care. but I want to see my family in the summer (brother lives in Canada and this is the time he can visit each year and sister lives away and is usually working).

dh says he doesn't want to spend so long away from our boys and doesn't want to go again to France. but I'd argue that he will be working anyway for 1 week in uk (and it's only 8 days that he would have to be there in France afterwards). I should also say that there is a 4 week gap beforehand when we are both off work ( and the school holidays for the kids) where I would be willing to go along with any other holiday plans whatsoever.

am I being unreasonable to go ahead and book flights? ultimately, can I insist on 14 days that I dictate in the year and just take the boys away? or should I take a year off from seeing my brother and stay at home wishing we were there, while my partner works each day? I doubt there could be anything in the middle

OP posts:
flossydog · 13/02/2026 22:07

I don't think you're being unreasonable considering it's nice, it's free to stay and you can see family at the same time. As you'll be saving money going there, could you also take a second holiday this year somewhere more to his liking?

likelysuspect · 13/02/2026 22:11

I think its pretty selfish to want the same holiday 4 years in a row which is your preference and not take his preference into consideration. Go next year.

Original poster
robbys82 · 13/02/2026 22:11

thank you for your comment. I would be willing to go along with their holiday plans beforehand

OP posts:
Original poster
robbys82 · 13/02/2026 22:15

not quite 4 years in a row, but I do take your point. but there are 52 weeks in a year. is it unreasonable to insist on 2 how I want and the kids so as well? Im sure I could accept the same each year in return

OP posts:
ChalkOrCheese · 13/02/2026 22:16

Youve tried meetingnin the middle and no compromise from him so tell him you're going out there and offering to take the kids. He can join, stay home with the kids or let the kids go with you. He chooses. You still go away.

Pippa99999 · 13/02/2026 22:16

As a compromise why don’t you just go for a week with the boys while your partner is working? Then go somewhere else as a family. I’d guess your husband might not want to spend his holidays with your wider family.

LVhandbagsatdawn · 13/02/2026 22:17

The answer is simple - you go and see your brother and sister in France with your children for the week while your H is working.

When your H is off work you can do a different holiday.

Everybody wins.

WhoamItoday11 · 13/02/2026 22:18

I take my kids to visit my family while my husband stays home to work and look after the dog. It works for all of us. He's happy because he is not that interested in seeing my family, I'm happy because I get to see my family and a cheap holiday staying with them. My kids are happy-ish to get a holiday but as they are now teens so becoming less interested. I usually throw in a couple of days at a hotel or caravan park at a holiday town to make it more interesting for all of us.

Maybe just got for 9 or 10 days while your husband is working. Ingore his BS about not wanting to be away from the kids for that long. That's no time in the big scheme of things. If you can spare the leave time and still have a family holiday with him, I don't see the problem.

Isthateveryonethen · 13/02/2026 22:18

I would be very irritated to waste a weeks worth of leave on a holiday that’s not really a holiday. The place sounds very boring and remote and not really something i would want to waste my leave on. I certainly would not be doing this every year as well. Why can’t you go just for the one week?
or for 10 days and he joins just for 2/3 days. It’s also a bit wrong imo to take the kids away for 2 weeks from their parent if the parent isn’t happy about it.

likelysuspect · 13/02/2026 22:19

I though the whole point is he didnt want to be separated from hs children that long?

Working isnt the point because if they were at home he would see them mornings and evenings.

Isthateveryonethen · 13/02/2026 22:20

LVhandbagsatdawn · 13/02/2026 22:17

The answer is simple - you go and see your brother and sister in France with your children for the week while your H is working.

When your H is off work you can do a different holiday.

Everybody wins.

I would do this too.

how would you feel if your dh took the kids away for 2 whole weeks? Pretty sure you would not be happy with that

Brideofclover · 13/02/2026 22:20

Pippa99999 · 13/02/2026 22:16

As a compromise why don’t you just go for a week with the boys while your partner is working? Then go somewhere else as a family. I’d guess your husband might not want to spend his holidays with your wider family.

I was about to suggest the same thing 👍

SaltyTea · 13/02/2026 22:23

Can you not suggest to your brother and sister that you try somewhere else one year?

Original poster
robbys82 · 13/02/2026 22:25

in response to the " how would you feel" post, actually I reckon I'd manage fine, the peace and quiet would be welcome. and I think it would be very illuminating for them to manage the day to day ( feeding, dressing, cleaning) for 2 whole weeks, considering that I've always done all of this for the last 8 years.

OP posts:
likelysuspect · 13/02/2026 22:25

ChalkOrCheese · 13/02/2026 22:16

Youve tried meetingnin the middle and no compromise from him so tell him you're going out there and offering to take the kids. He can join, stay home with the kids or let the kids go with you. He chooses. You still go away.

Meeting in the middle means coming to a compromise about where to go, somewhere they both want to go. This isnt it.

Original poster
robbys82 · 13/02/2026 22:26

actually I reckon I'd manage fine, the peace and quiet would be welcome. and I think it would be very illuminating for them to manage the day to day ( feeding, dressing, cleaning) for 2 whole weeks, considering that I've always done all of this for the last 8 years

OP posts:
Winederlust · 13/02/2026 22:32

Pippa99999 · 13/02/2026 22:16

As a compromise why don’t you just go for a week with the boys while your partner is working? Then go somewhere else as a family. I’d guess your husband might not want to spend his holidays with your wider family.

Yes, this seems like the most obvious and logical solution.

FourForksSake · 13/02/2026 22:33

Do you live in each others pockets?
Book your flights (or train) and go for two weeks. Your DH can join - or not.

FWIW we often took our DC away separately, to stay with our respective extended family.

Original poster
robbys82 · 13/02/2026 22:34

I think the problem with doing something else for the 2nd week is cost. we could go somewhere else afterwards for a week. or we could go somewhere else before hand as well and I could stay for 2 weeks with the kids for almost no extra cost. so I guess I'm trying to get 3 weeks holiday instead of 2

OP posts:
Winederlust · 13/02/2026 22:36

So it's essentially all about what you want (that free extra week holiday for yourself) and absolutely no consideration for the rest of your family.
YABU

Original poster
robbys82 · 13/02/2026 22:42

fair point. but the boys also want to go to France to see their cousins

OP posts:
Poppinjay · 13/02/2026 22:43

It seems very reasonable for you and your sons to have a holiday you will all enjoy, as long as you are also able to have a holiday as a whole family that all four of you will enjoy.

Does your DH have issues with you spending time with family in other ways? It feels a bot controlling of him to want to keep the three of you at home when you could be enjoying time with other people you're close to.

Alouest · 13/02/2026 22:59

YANBU at all. This is essentially an almost free holiday and you both have time off work to do a different holiday if you want to. Your partner doesn't have to come along, though France, quiet, pool, family sounds like my ideal holiday tbh!

Changename12 · 13/02/2026 23:17

YABU. You have had your way for several years. I would not like to spend 2 weeks every year with my husband’s siblings. I would just go for a week. Your DH has been for many years and doesn’t want to go fair enough. He is not being unreasonable if he wants to see his children when he is not working and they are off school.
Go for a week and have another two week holiday with your husband and children.

LameBorzoi · 13/02/2026 23:23

The kids are old enough for you to take them on your own. It's very cheap, family time is important, and he doesn't have to come. It's petty of him to not want you and the kids to go