one holiday too many?

[robbys82]

Quite a long one here. I'll try to be succinct.
am I unreasonable to try to have the same summer holiday with my brother/sister again? sister has a summer villa in France that we can visit for no cost. ⁹and I want to go again this summer but partner does not.

we went last summer, and 3 and 4 years before. I accept it's repetitive, and also in a very quiet area of France, but it's also really cheap, has a pool, and our 2 boys (6 and 8) love the time with their cousins ( and want to go again). it's for 2 weeks. but partner will be working for 1. so I suggest they join us for the 2nd week only .

For context, my partner and I both get decent summer holidays and wage. but I am part time (3 days a week compared to 5) . partner earns approx double (25 Vs 50). I do absolutely all the house care and child care. but I want to see my family in the summer (brother lives in Canada and this is the time he can visit each year and sister lives away and is usually working).

dh says he doesn't want to spend so long away from our boys and doesn't want to go again to France. but I'd argue that he will be working anyway for 1 week in uk (and it's only 8 days that he would have to be there in France afterwards). I should also say that there is a 4 week gap beforehand when we are both off work ( and the school holidays for the kids) where I would be willing to go along with any other holiday plans whatsoever.

am I being unreasonable to go ahead and book flights? ultimately, can I insist on 14 days that I dictate in the year and just take the boys away? or should I take a year off from seeing my brother and stay at home wishing we were there, while my partner works each day? I doubt there could be anything in the middle

Maybe it's not possible for them to save up and make compromises - it isn't fro everyone.

Nobody is saying OP and her kids need to miss out entirely, just that they may have to accept that they only visit relatives every other year. Maybe the cousins and siblings could come to England instead occasionally?

But they’ve got another 4 week gap when they can go anywhere.

Id say it’s pretty selfish to stop your partner and kids spending time together.

OP has mentioned cost, so it sounds like they can't afford to just go anywhere.

So they should go.

Doesn’t sound like that at all simply that a cheap holiday is a plus.

She actually says they both get “decent summer holidays and wage” and there’s another chunk of time she’s willing to go anywhere he wants.

She also said she wants to stay in France the extra week because it's cheaper and she gets more time with her siblings.

Which is understandable but it shouldn't come at the expense of them going away as a family of four.

I would hate for every single summer holiday to revolve around the needs of my DH and his siblings with no thought to me.

Right?

OP can take her sons off for a couple of weeks to see her family and then plenty of time for them to have a different holiday altogether.

They only have to pay for the flights. That isn’t affected by how long they go for.
They go for a week or they go for two, they have to buy return flights regardless.

I’d hate to have a marriage where either one of us was so spiteful.

What a miserable way to be.

And so she should.

It doesn’t have to come at the expense of them going away together as she has said there is a 4 week window where she’s happy to go wherever DH wants.

They can take another 2 week holiday as a family to a place of DP’s choice.

You might feel like a long weekend once a year with a sibling is fine, but some are closer than that. She's also said that her children e joy the time with their cousins, which is an important thing to factor in.

Personally I could go all year without speaking to my sister, we're not that close. But DH would never tell me I couldn't have time with her when I wanted it or that I couldn't take DD for time with her family.

That's the point here. And it's fine saying she could go without the kids, aside from the fact they want to go, but why is it fine for her to not be with them when he couldn't possibly spend a week (a working week at that) without them?

Double standards.

Actually she said that when the choice is an extra free week in France or paying to go somewhere else, she'd prefer to do the free week.

Who wouldn't?

She's also said she's happy to go elsewhere with him and that they can afford it and the leave.

Who wouldn’t?

Her partner. Probably because he doesn’t want to holiday with her wider family yet again.

There's nothing spiteful about wanting to spend some of your summer holiday not surrounded by your in-laws 😂

I wouldn't want a free week in France if it meant I had to spend it with my in-laws. I don't think that's especially controversial!

But he doesn't HAVE to, he just doesn't HAVE to stop her and their children spending some time with THEIR family.

So he doesn’t have to go. They can book a family holiday somewhere else.

Doesn’t mean OP and kids should forego the enjoyment of seeing her family.

No. But there is in stopping your wife and kids having a cheap holiday with people they love and rarely get to see

I was telling you what OP said she'd prefer. I'd prefer to not have to pay for a second week of holiday too.

It doesn't stop them deciding to though, seeing as she's also said they can do that.

Her partner doesn't have to spend that time with his in laws. But he shouldn't stop her and their children spending time they want to with family they want to...

If your DH wanted to take the kids away for a couple of weeks to see his family and booked a fortnight for you all in a place of your choice would still stop them from seeing DH’s family?

He's not stopping them, he said he doesn't want to go for two weeks - again. Like they've done for the past four years.

OP's family doesn't get to take priority every summer just because they're abroad.

Are you purposely missing out that he doesn’t want them to go without him?

Or did you miss that part?

And that’s fine he doesn’t have to go. But he does need to let them go.

Oh my god learn to read!

The kids want to go. He's said they can't go without him. And that he won't go.

THAT IS STOPPING THEM.

No, I've said several times on the thread that they should go while he's working.

Or did you miss that part?

And he's said she can't take the kids that week. You really are missing bits.