one holiday too many?

[robbys82]

Quite a long one here. I'll try to be succinct.
am I unreasonable to try to have the same summer holiday with my brother/sister again? sister has a summer villa in France that we can visit for no cost. ⁹and I want to go again this summer but partner does not.

we went last summer, and 3 and 4 years before. I accept it's repetitive, and also in a very quiet area of France, but it's also really cheap, has a pool, and our 2 boys (6 and 8) love the time with their cousins ( and want to go again). it's for 2 weeks. but partner will be working for 1. so I suggest they join us for the 2nd week only .

For context, my partner and I both get decent summer holidays and wage. but I am part time (3 days a week compared to 5) . partner earns approx double (25 Vs 50). I do absolutely all the house care and child care. but I want to see my family in the summer (brother lives in Canada and this is the time he can visit each year and sister lives away and is usually working).

dh says he doesn't want to spend so long away from our boys and doesn't want to go again to France. but I'd argue that he will be working anyway for 1 week in uk (and it's only 8 days that he would have to be there in France afterwards). I should also say that there is a 4 week gap beforehand when we are both off work ( and the school holidays for the kids) where I would be willing to go along with any other holiday plans whatsoever.

am I being unreasonable to go ahead and book flights? ultimately, can I insist on 14 days that I dictate in the year and just take the boys away? or should I take a year off from seeing my brother and stay at home wishing we were there, while my partner works each day? I doubt there could be anything in the middle

Have you been mentioning to them all time about seeing their cousins or did they bring it up without any prompting at all?

Would that be your only holiday?

Because like fucking hell would I want to spend every annual holiday with my in-laws. Or actually any wider family group. I like them well enough but fucking hell. And that's without the fact it'd be the 4th time going to the same place. Just no.

Why can't you just go for a week when he's working?

Hmmm, I voted YANBU, but I might have already changed my mind.

Not unreasonable for you and the kids to have a week away together while DH is working. BUT, it is unreasonable if it means there's no money left in the budget for the whole family to go somewhere else together.

Reading your follow up posts, it sounds like it only work if DH agrees to go somewhere else in France, so there are no extra flights. In which case, yes, four years in a row is a lot.

Maybe for next year, now that both kids are clearly at school, you go back to work for one extra day a week. Put the extra funds into a holiday fund so that next year you can afford two weeks with your sister (one week your DH doesn't attend) and then another week somewhere that your DH would also like to visit.

That extra day of work would probably cover the extra week away and a weekend break or two during the year too.

I don't think you're unreasonable for wanting to go on the holiday, but I do think it would be unreasonable to go ahead and book it when he said he doesn't want to. I wouldn't like it if my husband booked something I'd said I didn't want to do. Can you take the children just for the week that he is working? Would be be okay with that?

No i would not book anything for someone else if they said no, it is not a mature reaction

Can’t you compromise and just for for the week he’s working with your boys?

I know you have other time you could go but he probably wants to spend the other week together as a family and it’s fair enough he doesn’t want it to be with your extended family.

This. Its a fair compromise

Some of this is a bit unclear. Can you afford a family holiday the 4 of you then for you and the kids to join your family for a week?

All my in laws live abroad (for at least part of the year) so if we want to see them we have to travel. I don’t want to use al my a/l on it but am very happy for DH and DS to go for a week and the young cousins to all spend time together.

Could you just do a week out there with your children on your own? Then something together. I can understand your DP not wanting to do the same holiday again but feels unfair to stop you going when they will be working anyway especially where it is your only chance to see your brother if he is living abroad.

I agree with doing a week. If cost is an issue that month (assuming August) do a family week at May half term elsewhere instead. It is cheaper!

I personally can't think of anything worse than a villa in the middle of nowhere with my in-laws year after year. And I like mine.

If you and the boys want to go then I think just go and do a week somewhere else with your husband and kids.

As others have said, you and the kids can go for one week while your DH is working, it's the obvious solution.

If you can take 3 weeks off, or even 4, I would do 1-2 with brother and sister in France with boys and their cousins but no partner, and then a week or two somewhere else.

it’s highly unreasonable of your partner to get in the way of the one cheap and fun opportunity you have each year for your family and the cousins to all see one another

boring or not, when you have a sibling or parent who lives abroad that is the ‘family tax’ you pay - repetitively going somewhere. I used to live in Australia and my ‘family tax’ was holidays always back in Britain rather than NZ, Fiji or any of the other incredible places I could have gone to

Annual leave is precious, as is family time. I would hate to do the same, nice but boring thing every year. I am with your husband.

I’d go for the two weeks but he can stay at home.

There is no way on this planet I would go on holiday with my in-laws - and I certainly wouldn’t be going every single summer for two weeks 🫣

You’ve had your way four times now - when does your DH get to choose what you do?

I think it's pretty selfish to say "you can't see your brother at all this year because I don't fancy France" tbh.

I’m guessing your partner doesn’t much want to spend all that time with your family because he’s not as keen on them as you are, and there’s little for him to do. He probably feels a bit of a spare part. Maybe he’d like to go somewhere else as a family? That said, I’d insist he did more than half of the parenting and any chores while you were away, since you say he doesn’t normally lift a finger.

I’m similar to you only my dh would find it b difficult to travel on his own there. He would also hate to be on his own. As a teacher though I get so much more leave I do want to work towards this otherwise we’re just waiting around at home for him!

can be work from there at all?

Is his counter suggestion that you just all stay home for two weeks? If so, yanbu!

He’s not saying that. OP could always go on her own if she wanted.

I find it controlling he won’t let you and your sons go for the week he is working. This seems so odd.

then you fly and meet him somewhere else?

What about going for 10 days as s compromise.

I take my Dd to see her French aunty without DH and I take my son to see his French cousin. DH works more. I have term time holidays. We have the money and flexibility to do this.

If you do too I can’t see the problem!

Go for 10 days and then do a weeks holiday somewhere he wants to go. Sorry but I think you’re selfish to want to go all the to the same place. It’s boring and not fair on him, you are meant to be a family let him pick some places too.