one holiday too many?

[robbys82]

Quite a long one here. I'll try to be succinct.
am I unreasonable to try to have the same summer holiday with my brother/sister again? sister has a summer villa in France that we can visit for no cost. ⁹and I want to go again this summer but partner does not.

we went last summer, and 3 and 4 years before. I accept it's repetitive, and also in a very quiet area of France, but it's also really cheap, has a pool, and our 2 boys (6 and 8) love the time with their cousins ( and want to go again). it's for 2 weeks. but partner will be working for 1. so I suggest they join us for the 2nd week only .

For context, my partner and I both get decent summer holidays and wage. but I am part time (3 days a week compared to 5) . partner earns approx double (25 Vs 50). I do absolutely all the house care and child care. but I want to see my family in the summer (brother lives in Canada and this is the time he can visit each year and sister lives away and is usually working).

dh says he doesn't want to spend so long away from our boys and doesn't want to go again to France. but I'd argue that he will be working anyway for 1 week in uk (and it's only 8 days that he would have to be there in France afterwards). I should also say that there is a 4 week gap beforehand when we are both off work ( and the school holidays for the kids) where I would be willing to go along with any other holiday plans whatsoever.

am I being unreasonable to go ahead and book flights? ultimately, can I insist on 14 days that I dictate in the year and just take the boys away? or should I take a year off from seeing my brother and stay at home wishing we were there, while my partner works each day? I doubt there could be anything in the middle

Cheap holiday for his kids and wife that he doesn’t have to go to if he doesn’t want to…
”pandering”

Ay alright

I wish my in laws had to be “pandered to” like this

People have families, if you can’t cope with that then don’t get married.

He could have chosen to live near his parents. He could spend the week his wife and kids are away with them if he wanted to!

I don’t think you are unreasonable at all. It’s a win win, nice weather, free accommodation and a pool. Kids love it and have time with special family as do you. Sounds like DH is being a whinny little bitch. If he doesn’t want to come at all, that would be fine with me but he shouldn’t stop you and your kids spending time with family. It’s one week out of 52. He needs to stop being selfish and put his wife and kids first.

If the boys are 6 and 8 surely he can manage without seeing them for 2 weeks!

But if he’s really saying that he can’t, I’d offer to go by myself and leave them home with him and he can book a holiday club for his work week…..

Are you the DH? I've been away from this thread for a day or two and you're still battling anyone who suggests he's unreasonable...

Can you go for the week he’s working then go somewhere with him. He clearly doesn’t want to go to the families place.
to be honest it might be nice for you to catch up but do you not feel restrained in what you can do? It’s his holiday to, and different people have different ideas of holidays. One is to get away from everyone and everything you know just to chill.

This. It’s family time which is more relevant than it’s in France. It’s enriching for the kids, and cousin time. Maybe just go the week he’s working?

Ultimately though, don’t not go at all.

My family also lives and I think its weird he is not keen on his children spending some time with their cousins they don't see often - just because he misses them? It's france why doesn't he pop over for the weekend in between the two weeks.

Tell your DP you're going if he doesn't want the boys to go he can care for them while you go. If he's working one of the weeks then let him sort childcare out etc. YANBU to want to spend time with your family for 2 weeks out of 52 & your boys enjoy spending time with their cousins so why would your DP want to stop you all going? If you're happy to go & take your Sons with you go & suggest a family holiday elsewhere that you both agree on.

There is no way i would spend my summer holiday with my in-laws family every year!

As the OP is flying out with her sons why can’t she just fly back with them after a week or (compromise) 10 days? It’s not necessary to spend a fortnight each summer with extended family.

Even worse !! Why is unhappy that you are away with the children seeing their cousins and you your siblings who live on the other side of the world when he is working? What a dreadfully selfish and controlling man. He should be encouraging and facilitating family bonds, warmth and joy for his children and wife - what’s the fuck is wrong with the miserable git? Family is precious. Childhood is precious especially these opportunities to build incredible life links.

Cherish this don’t let him piss on your chips with his mood of reluctantly ‘letting’ you go. Do the right thing by your boys and stay another week.

Why shouldn't OP spend time with her family? It's her brother and sister! The kids love it, it's cheap, and they have plenty of time to travel elsewhere. OP's husband can just stay home if he doesn't like it.

No-one is saying she shouldn’t, including her husband. He’s just saying he’d rather she didn’t spend a fortnight there (but hasn’t said she shouldn’t go at all) and that this year he’d rather holiday somewhere else when they do their family hols this year. Doesn’t seem unreasonable.

he’d rather holiday somewhere else when they do their family hols this year.

The OP has been clear that they can holiday as a family in a different location as well.

I don't agree at all. It's free, it's a chance for the kids to interact with their cousins. It doesn't have to be the family summer holiday.

@robbys82 I think you should go ahead and book for you and your kids. Let your partner make his own arrangements.
And say you'll have a separate family holiday wherever he wants.

I think it's VERY selfish of your DP to try and stop the three of you who want to go - why would he do that (it's bordering on controlling).

so it does come down to me wanting more than a single week in France with my family, especially knowing that I would then come home with the kids and spend a week at home before the kids go back to school - because he doesn't want to join us for the second week and doesn't want to be away from the boys so long ( but won't join us)

What it boils down to is:
A. He doesn't want to spend his holiday time with your family (every year) - that's fair enough,
and
B. He doesn't want you to go for 2 whole weeks - which is selfish and controlling.

@robbys82 you have been very clear that (a) you want to go for a fortnight (b) your kids want to go for a fortnight, (c) your partner is making no alternative plans for the family - he just wants to deprive the three of you from having a nice time.

It's a "no-brainer". Go for your fortnight holiday and tell him to book the family summer holiday where you'll all go together.

Abso-fucking-lutely….

Don’t let this fun sponge drain your children’s childhood - you only have x number of summers before they are off with their mates to Magaluf of backpacking around India…..or their cousins (if they are older) will be doing this and won’t be gone.