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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

one holiday too many?

317 replies

robbys82 · 13/02/2026 21:57

Quite a long one here. I'll try to be succinct.
am I unreasonable to try to have the same summer holiday with my brother/sister again? sister has a summer villa in France that we can visit for no cost. ⁹and I want to go again this summer but partner does not.

we went last summer, and 3 and 4 years before. I accept it's repetitive, and also in a very quiet area of France, but it's also really cheap, has a pool, and our 2 boys (6 and 8) love the time with their cousins ( and want to go again). it's for 2 weeks. but partner will be working for 1. so I suggest they join us for the 2nd week only .

For context, my partner and I both get decent summer holidays and wage. but I am part time (3 days a week compared to 5) . partner earns approx double (25 Vs 50). I do absolutely all the house care and child care. but I want to see my family in the summer (brother lives in Canada and this is the time he can visit each year and sister lives away and is usually working).

dh says he doesn't want to spend so long away from our boys and doesn't want to go again to France. but I'd argue that he will be working anyway for 1 week in uk (and it's only 8 days that he would have to be there in France afterwards). I should also say that there is a 4 week gap beforehand when we are both off work ( and the school holidays for the kids) where I would be willing to go along with any other holiday plans whatsoever.

am I being unreasonable to go ahead and book flights? ultimately, can I insist on 14 days that I dictate in the year and just take the boys away? or should I take a year off from seeing my brother and stay at home wishing we were there, while my partner works each day? I doubt there could be anything in the middle

OP posts:
Myfridgeiscool · 14/02/2026 08:07

Going to see someone else’s family for two weeks is not my idea of a holiday, especially when it’s been done for the previous few years.
I'm with DH - I’d want a proper holiday…but I wouldn’t stop you going to see your family.
Hopefully you’ll find a compromise, book something that you’ll all enjoy and you and boys visit for a short period of time.
If I worked hard all year and my summer holiday was hanging out with family I’d be fed up.

PollyBell · 14/02/2026 08:09

Peclet · 14/02/2026 07:49

I find it controlling he won’t let you and your sons go for the week he is working. This seems so odd.

then you fly and meet him somewhere else?

Yet the op is not controlling at all?

PriscillaD · 14/02/2026 08:11

Why don't you go for a week on your own with your kids, then your partner could fly out, have a weekend with your family and then hire a car and go off somewhere else with the kids for the second week?
Or maybe you could fly direct from the French airport somewhere more to DP's liking and meet him there, halfway through the fortnight?

Ukholidaysaregreat · 14/02/2026 08:12

I think your partner is being selfish not to see how important it is to you to have your family in one place and for all the cousins to play together. These are really formative years for them that they can look back on as adults. I would be really pleased to be at work knowing my children were having a lovely time on holiday. Maybe look at another holiday in the year that would suit your partner more and do that as well. In short I think he is being an arsehole about it.

ThisHeartySloth · 14/02/2026 08:16

You mentioned that you do all the childcare. Is that the same when you are on holiday? Do you feel more supported with childcare when your sister and brother etc are there, so it feels like more of a break for you?
I find it a bit off that your husband doesn't want you all to go when he's working. Would he feel the same if he was carrying part of the caring role when he got home from work?

likelysuspect · 14/02/2026 08:32

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 14/02/2026 07:14

I think it's pretty selfish to say "you can't see your brother at all this year because I don't fancy France" tbh.

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She can see her brother any time she likes independently surely?

Doesnt have to mean the family holiday and husbands opportunity for a holiday is hijacked every single year.

When does he get his choice?

Not much evidence of joint working here

Peclet · 14/02/2026 08:34

PollyBell · 14/02/2026 08:09

Yet the op is not controlling at all?

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She can holiday with the children independently of DH then don’t holiday he wants as a family after that??

How on earth is she controlling?

He’s working, op and kids go to France for one week, she returns home or meets him for a family holiday without her family.

Again- explain how this is controlling??

CommonlyKnownAs · 14/02/2026 08:35

robbys82 · 13/02/2026 22:34

I think the problem with doing something else for the 2nd week is cost. we could go somewhere else afterwards for a week. or we could go somewhere else before hand as well and I could stay for 2 weeks with the kids for almost no extra cost. so I guess I'm trying to get 3 weeks holiday instead of 2

I'm a bit unclear on some of this.

Two weeks away without him is too much if he doesn't want to be away from the kids that long, regardless of whether or not you think you'd like a fortnight without them yourself. Can you afford:

a) You going away with just the kids to French villa for 1 week, and a completely separate week away some other time?
b) You going away with just the kids to French villa for 1 week and then travelling from there to somewhere not too far away such as northern Spain for a week and meet DH there?

Because those seem the obvious compromise options.

rookiemere · 14/02/2026 08:36

I have ticked YABU because I do think that the two week holiday is too much.
As others have suggested you should go on your own with the DCs for one week and find something else to do for another week.
Neither of you are wrong - it’s nice for the DCs to play with their cousins and it’s nice to have a cheap holiday, but also it’s good to do some holidays with just your family. If the cost of two sets of flights is too much, see if you can find something in the UK.

Peclet · 14/02/2026 08:37

There is compromise to be had. From both parties.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 08:39

Really strange and controlling for your husband to effectively disallow you and your children from seeing your side of the family.

ArcticSkua · 14/02/2026 08:39

99pwithaflake · 14/02/2026 07:38

He’s not saying that. OP could always go on her own if she wanted.

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How could she go on her own if he's working that week? Who would look after the kids while he's working?

Or do you mean on her own with the kids? It says in the OP that he doesn't want her to do that.

Ophy83 · 14/02/2026 08:42

I think it's fine so long as you also have a family holiday with dh, certainly for the week when he is working. Kids love holidays where they don't have to "do" a great deal and just get to play all the time so it sounds ideal from that perspective with the pool and their cousins. They like returning to the same place. I think it is also important for them to maintain/develop strong links with the extended family.

likelysuspect · 14/02/2026 08:44

ArcticSkua · 14/02/2026 08:39

How could she go on her own if he's working that week? Who would look after the kids while he's working?

Or do you mean on her own with the kids? It says in the OP that he doesn't want her to do that.

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She can go on her own any time in the year surely if she wants to see her brother in France.

And if he doesnt live in France (Im assuming he does) then she can see him any time in this country

Moonnstarz · 14/02/2026 08:45

You are both being unreasonable. I wouldn't want to holiday with the in laws once, let alone 4 years! (To be fair I wouldn't want to holiday with my own family either!).
If this is your only holiday then I totally see his point. If however you have something else booked or are planning on booking then I don't think it's unreasonable.

I also think more details would be needed regarding costs, as to me you have a good household income and could afford something else rather than a free holiday with in laws.

CommonlyKnownAs · 14/02/2026 08:46

likelysuspect · 14/02/2026 08:44

She can go on her own any time in the year surely if she wants to see her brother in France.

And if he doesnt live in France (Im assuming he does) then she can see him any time in this country

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He doesn't live in France, that's the whole point. He lives in Canada.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 08:47

likelysuspect · 14/02/2026 08:44

She can go on her own any time in the year surely if she wants to see her brother in France.

And if he doesnt live in France (Im assuming he does) then she can see him any time in this country

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In Canada?

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 08:49

Moonnstarz · 14/02/2026 08:45

You are both being unreasonable. I wouldn't want to holiday with the in laws once, let alone 4 years! (To be fair I wouldn't want to holiday with my own family either!).
If this is your only holiday then I totally see his point. If however you have something else booked or are planning on booking then I don't think it's unreasonable.

I also think more details would be needed regarding costs, as to me you have a good household income and could afford something else rather than a free holiday with in laws.

But if this is the only holiday they can afford, they wouldn’t be able to afford to go on an actual holiday.

Moonnstarz · 14/02/2026 08:50

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 08:49

But if this is the only holiday they can afford, they wouldn’t be able to afford to go on an actual holiday.

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That is unclear. And also it doesn't sound like she is taking into account the fact he is having to holiday with in laws every year. Would she like this if she had to go with his family every single year? Maybe he would even prefer a shorter break in the UK if it meant not going with others.
They both need to talk about it more and see it from the others perspective.

Zanatdy · 14/02/2026 08:51

Agree with everyone else, you go for 1wk. Sure you want to go for 2wks plus, but you need to compromise. Your DH doesn’t want the kids gone for 2wks, and maybe that is a little selfish as they want to go, and will have a good time, but you’re meant to be a partnership so need to take into account his feelings too.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 08:51

To simplify

Sister lives in France in a villa with a pool. Brother lives in Canada and visits once a year. This is the only opportunity OP gets to see her siblings and nieces/ nephews. This is the only opportunity her children get to see their aunt, uncle and cousins.

The accommodation is free and the travel there is cheap. It is not taking up the family holiday budget.

She has offered to go without him but he has said he doesn’t want his children to be away from him for so long.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 08:52

Moonnstarz · 14/02/2026 08:50

That is unclear. And also it doesn't sound like she is taking into account the fact he is having to holiday with in laws every year. Would she like this if she had to go with his family every single year? Maybe he would even prefer a shorter break in the UK if it meant not going with others.
They both need to talk about it more and see it from the others perspective.

Show quote history

They’re not “holidaying with in laws every year”

Its the only time she gets to see her family at all.

rookiemere · 14/02/2026 08:59

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 08:51

To simplify

Sister lives in France in a villa with a pool. Brother lives in Canada and visits once a year. This is the only opportunity OP gets to see her siblings and nieces/ nephews. This is the only opportunity her children get to see their aunt, uncle and cousins.

The accommodation is free and the travel there is cheap. It is not taking up the family holiday budget.

She has offered to go without him but he has said he doesn’t want his children to be away from him for so long.

This is a good summary, but I am not sure that the flights are cheap as OP seems to be trying to cobble together some bolt on to the same trip. Personally I think keep them separate and get the absolute cheapest route there and back for a week. I can see why DH doesn’t want to be without his DC for a fortnight or always holiday in the same place.

Charlize43 · 14/02/2026 09:02

You can never have enough of France... or holidays.

Maybe time to visit a divorce lawyer.

Snaletrale · 14/02/2026 09:02

He’s going to deny his kids a holiday and time with their cousins because he can’t bear to be parted for two weeks? That’s very selfish.

But I understand he doesn’t want to waste his precious leave on a trip to your family.

Go for 10 days or so then meet your dh somewhere else of his choosing. Flights can be cheap if you choose carefully. You’d have to pay for three extra flights to meet him there. This would be cheaper than coming home then going on holiday again with him. You and the kids would have three flights each, and he would have two. Can you afford this?