To wonder what makes a mum be like this?

[Ovenpizzafordinner]

Very driven and ambitious in terms of the children. Head of PTA, attends school trips, all school competitions and so obviously wants to win.
Lots of after school activities, no rest for the kids, various tutors. Pushing children to do shows and perform for others.
Holidays always very educational, lots of walking, historical sights.
Lots of mingling with wealthier families or wanting to be around influential/successful families. Cooking everything from scratch, being very strict about eating chocolate etc. Very strict about screen time.

Whilst I agree/admire some of this, it must be exhausting surely? Plus, is it good for the children?

What makes a mum like this? It doesn’t look a happy place to be

God, anything. Sometimes a recreation of their own houthoused/helicopter parent childhood. Sometimes they had an awful upbringing and want to go the other way and fill their child's life with opportunity (whether they want it or not). Sometimes it's boredom from leaving a corporate job with lots of control and plates spinning to be a SAHM. Sometimes it's just too much consumption of mum-influencers.

Unfulfilled ambitions perhaps. Or maybe just wants her children to do well in life.

Better than the parents who hold their children back because of the “if it was good enough for me…” culture, that you sometimes hear about.

I find it so interesting

True, I think there’s a balance though

There are many factors.

Past trauma meaning they want to give their children the opposite of their own childhood is a big one but can also lead to extreme views and behaviours at the other end of the spectrum and over compensating.

She us obviously just different from you.

This is a big mixed up and very judgmental and lots of what you say about the woman I admire. Volunteers are always needed or nothing happens

but calling her out for cooking from scratch? I mean calling her out for caring about her children’s heath ? Really? Caring for their physical and mental health well being ? And that’s wrong in your eyes?

Judging the holidays because OMG they involve walking ? And history and other fun stuff?

which means the only phrase that sound odd about “pushing the children “ I have to ignore as you might well mean “encourage “ given your obvious hatred

I have a suggestion - encourage your children to be as healthy as possible, as well educated as possible because the future is a scary place and there will be lots of people who will regret their childhood or aspects of it

Anxiety, feeling of not being good enough or never doing enough.

driven, wants to be ‘the best’, wants a family who are ‘successful’

social media influence- insta perfect values

thinks it’s normal as was raised this way

abusive household, being held to account by a partner

many reasons,

Hopefully she's too busy to go on MN because you've given quite a bit of info here.

Freud (I think) said there's nothing as damaging to a child as the life their parent never lived. Maybe that's what is going on here.

Don’t know any different
Think they are doing the right thing
Boredom/distraction/guilt

“Lots of walking” 😆
How terrible. she must be psychotic.

Is going on educational holidays a problem? Maybe she and the kids enjoy them?

For tutors I think that can be a great thing eg music or languages etc, if I had more money I’d definitely do more of this.

The cooking from scratch thing I don’t do consistently but do aspire to. But again maybe she enjoys it?

We don't mingle with the rich - but you could say a lot of the other offences about us.
Families and children aren't the same I suppose.

I know a couple of mums like this, both SAHMs and I'd never voice it irl but I honestly think they'd be happier if they had maintained a career (or a high level voluntary role I suppose). With one in particular I just see someone with enormous drive, energy and intelligence. Parenting just isn't that interesting or challenging, it's like there's not enough to do there to occupy her talents.

Or maybe they just have different family dynamics.

My dc did lots of afterschool activities. Not because I pushed them but because they wanted to. The only rule I had was that once they committed to a term of the activity they had to see out the term. One of them liked performing and did activities that involved performing. Sometimes she inflicted that on family members.

They had tutors in secondary if they requested it. Why wouldn't I provide help if they were struggling with a subject. Again, I had one rule. They needed to work at the subject. I was not paying if they weren't putting in the effort.

I was on the PTA in primary school because it was a lovely school and I wanted to contribute. Same for secondary.

Holidays tended to be a mix but we all enjoyed historical sights etc. We also did some stuff dh and I enjoyed that the kids weren't mad on and vice versa because it's important to have a compromise.

Depending on how you define scratch (Ie.g. I don't make my own pasta), I nearly always cook from scratch because I think it's important for our health. Plus I prefer food that is not overly processed. I limited rubbish to occasional treats.

But guess what, the one thing I didn't/don't do is judge people for doing things differently to me.

I work full-time now and worked part-time when the kids were younger.

So this mum provides her dcs with a decent diet rather than UPF. She offers her dcs social and extra curricular opportunities and likes holidays that involve walking.😮

It sounds completely normal to me but I'm not keen on junk food or sitting around holiday resorts for a week either.

It doesn't say it's a SAHM.

I mean, why do any of us parent the way we do? The answer is the same.

I agree with PPs that cooking from scratch isn't really tied into some of the more performative aspects of parenting! Ideally we would all do this at least some of the time.

Whoever she is, you really don’t like her do you? 😆

I feel like I want to be that parent but I am not for various reasons. Mine is from my childhood, my parents had too many kids, I felt like love was conditional and they didn’t really care if I tried hard or not. There wasn’t enough attention to go around, I never went to clubs or learnt to swim. A lot of my childhood was spent just playing outside not getting in the way of my parents. I never met my potential academically as it wasn’t really a think to aspire too.

So I am very different, my kids have swim lessons, a sports club and cubs / girl guiding. If I didn’t work I would join the PTA but my time is limited and I want to pour into my kids. I want them to feel special, loved and wanted.

This poster is just commenting that the two she knows happen to be, surely?

Don't think so.

I'm more interested in wondering why you'd even think to start a thread about her?

She sounds great and hopefully her and her kids are very happy.

I mean it's not like she's doing anything wrong 🤷‍♂️

Why would she not be happy? I can’t see anything there that indicates she isn’t happy. Just because you wouldn’t be happy with it, doesn’t mean she isn’t.

Do you try and analyse what makes you the type of mum you are? It sounds exhausting constantly analysing everyone, can’t you just go with the flow and accept people like what they like? I can’t stand strictly come dancing, but I’ve never thought about analysing people to see why they do - what a waste of my time!!

I also read the post as the poster saying the two she knows are SAHMs.