To wonder what makes a mum be like this?

[Ovenpizzafordinner]

Very driven and ambitious in terms of the children. Head of PTA, attends school trips, all school competitions and so obviously wants to win.
Lots of after school activities, no rest for the kids, various tutors. Pushing children to do shows and perform for others.
Holidays always very educational, lots of walking, historical sights.
Lots of mingling with wealthier families or wanting to be around influential/successful families. Cooking everything from scratch, being very strict about eating chocolate etc. Very strict about screen time.

Whilst I agree/admire some of this, it must be exhausting surely? Plus, is it good for the children?

What makes a mum like this? It doesn’t look a happy place to be

Ok I can't read that. At all.

Pregnant with my first (and only) right now and hope this is how I am as a mother - it’s certainly how I intend to parent!

For me it’s basically just about giving my child the best start in life. I was raised fairly similarly and it did me very well. I might not do tutoring etc. unless necessary as I think that can be intense (and didn’t have that) but everything else sounds ideal.

Maybe reread? She says: "I know a couple of mums like this, both SAHMs"

I'm struggling to see how you read it as referring to the person the op is referring to or others like her.

It doesn’t look a happy place to be

What evidence do you have that its not happy place to be?

I know mothers like the one OP has described working full time.

Really? I think both are damaging.

I'd say it's usually frustrated ambitions of their own.

That just sounds like good parenting to me. I'm not doing it. I'm lacking in time/energy/organisational skills but hats off to anyone who can manage it.

She sounds like she has her head screwed on right.

Don't think there's one reason (probably not a shock to hear!).

It can be driven by insecurity in social status. Worry about not missing opportunities and creating a successful future for their child.

Also parents can see children as an extension of themselves. The child's success is validating ("dance mums" is a classic stereo type with this). This can stem from their own upbringing (high expectations placed on them as a child) or trying to give opportunities they lacked.

There's something called 'concerted cultivation' — which is actively organising children’s time with structured activities, enrichment, and adult-led opportunities to build skills and confidence. You could look that up to get more insightif you want.

Ovenpizzafordinner ?
Okay I can't see she has a connection with SAHM in her presentation of the in her eyes being too much mother type. But nevermind.

I think swimming is absolutely essential and not negotiable . but apart from that I’m not that pushed about extra curricular activities unless the child is very interested. I was in everything when I was younger: language , dancing , drama , musical instrument. I really don’t know how much any of that stuff benefitted me personally in the long run.

One of my aunts was like this with my cousins. They did dance and they were all over the place at competitions and rehearsing after school and at weekends. She managed to keep them going during those teen years when dc tend to drop everything.

They have grown up to be confident adults. They are close to one another and to their parents. They have shared experiences and travelled all over for competitions.

They had lots of friends from outside of school who were also from families who were ambitious for their children.

They were fit as a butchers dog from all the exercise and they are both still in fighting form.

My female cousin has her own dance school which supports her family. All five of my cousins children dance as a hobby.

Having too much time on her hands.

I am a 'slow down outside the school and chuck em out' mu. I've got places to be (like work). I refuse to be part of the cliquey women on the PTA.
I will always be there for the nativity play, parents evenings and the summer show, but I do not have the time or desire to live my life through my kids.

We are screen free though. And cook from scratch as I like it (and it doesn't take much more effort).

Honestly, you could be describing me and my family, especially when my kids were younger.

Lots of activities because they wanted to and it's good for them. Helped out with the PTA because they needed help and I had the time. Didn't really go in for "school competitions" and we don't have a culture of parents going on trips etc here.

Lots of holidays to historical places because they enjoyed it. Not a gourmet chef by any means but cook mostly from scratch because why wouldn't I? Crap food is limited because why wouldn't it be? Same for screen time.

This kind of smacks of inverse snobbery, to be honest.

I'm sorry, I don't understand your post. There's nothing in LayM's post about them being too much mother type. I also don't understand your question about pizza? Or is that someone's username?

Come on. Read the presentation done by Ovenpizzafordinner.
Nothing is said about SAHM.
But nevermind.

Bit weird to think that volunteering for the PTA is living life through one's kids!

Though I haven't been involved for over a decade so perhaps it's more intense now.

I also had work to get to, by the way.

How do you know all of this? Unless you are intimately involved in their life, how can you possibly know these details? So in reality, you are on the outside looking in and making judgments on the parenting of another mum.

May I suggest you get a hobby because it really isn’t healthy to take such interest in another family. This is borderline stalking.

Control I think. We have an illusion that we can control how our children turn out, and so do all the stuff/make them do it in order to get a successful adult, when in reality children don't need half of that stuff, just to feel unconditionally loved.

Of course lots of the responses are saying they are just like this mum, classic MNs!

I'm genuinely curious about this. Why is it classic MN?

I can't see anything outrageous in the OP.

So what if the op didn't mention SAHMs?

The poster you quoted and stated "It doesn't say it's a SAHM." was referring to two people she knows who are like that. They are both SAHMs. She believed the reason they are like that is connected with them being SAHMs as they have a lot of drive that is potentially not being fulfilled in their role as a SAHM. She did not say the woman in the op was probably a SAHM or that all mothers who are like the one referenced in the op are SAHMs. She was simply relating her own experience which is very common on posts here. It is also an appropriate response given the OP asked "What makes a mum like this?" as she described one potential reason.

A stereotype, maybe based on jealousy and insecurity in the person judging them?

Because she can and she wants to? I assume the kids would let her know soon enough if they weren’t happy it!
If she’s confiding in you that she’s doing all of this and it’s making her miserable then that would be different (and you’d be a rubbish friend for putting it on here)

Nothing wrong with a lifestyle like that. The children would most likely not know any different. If they are surrounded by similar situations.

Just because it's too difficult or not right for you and your family, it doesn't mean it isn't right for hers.