To wonder what makes a mum be like this?

[Ovenpizzafordinner]

Very driven and ambitious in terms of the children. Head of PTA, attends school trips, all school competitions and so obviously wants to win.
Lots of after school activities, no rest for the kids, various tutors. Pushing children to do shows and perform for others.
Holidays always very educational, lots of walking, historical sights.
Lots of mingling with wealthier families or wanting to be around influential/successful families. Cooking everything from scratch, being very strict about eating chocolate etc. Very strict about screen time.

Whilst I agree/admire some of this, it must be exhausting surely? Plus, is it good for the children?

What makes a mum like this? It doesn’t look a happy place to be

This feels very strange to me. Is it truly so baffling that someone may want to do things differently to you? She’s hardly abusing them by being on the pta and encouraging them into extra curriculars, just let women make their own choices without the judgement. Why do we have to do others down to try and feel better about ourselves?

This is it in a nutshell. She’s doing what she thinks is best for her kids. If your style is radically different, chances are she wouldn’t describe your parenting in flattering terms either. Presumably if the kids aren’t happy, they’ll tell her and object to some of the activities. I my experience, kids’ activities naturally drop off as they get older and more opinionated about their likes and dislikes.

Which part is performative?

No, that suggests they are doing it for you. They aren't. They are doing it for real and it makes you feel inadequate. They probably don't ever think about how you and your 'normal' mates are parenting because they aren't constantly checking themselves against the pack.

Surprising how people have enough time on their hands to catalogue what other mums do and why it's all wrong. And how they must have a mental disorder because they try to do their best for their kids, as everyone (we hope) does.

A lot of that stuff is just basic parenting - giving your kids opportunities and keeping them healthy.

Also, it's not your job to make your kids 'happy'. Most kids would profess to be happy if given a massive chocolate bar on the sofa to veg it, but it's not actually good for them or a good habit to instill (more often than once in a while). A parent should be helping to create an independent, resilient and well rounded adult. The people who don't even have the executive function to get their kids to a club on time are just going to pass that on to their kids. Those are extreme examples, obviously, but still true.

What makes a parent interested in their kids' physical, social, and mental well-being? Keeping them engaged and busy? Actively involved at their school? Limiting screens?

Really?

As opposed to what? Kick them out of the house with the be home for dinner style? Or sit in their room gaming all the time?

This is a pretty common parenting style, you sound almost shocked by it.

I could do any of these things, I choose not to, def not jealous at all

Oh come off it, it’s not outing at all, there will be literally thousands of women like this. Every school I know of has at least 2-3 per year, all battling to be Sainted Mum and Queen Bee of the PTA and bitching behind each others backs

This feels very strange to me. Is it truly so baffling that someone may want to do things differently to you?

Lol, would MNs actually exist if people didn’t do things differently?!

Pushy parent syndrome.
Very difficult for the children who never meet their parents expectations

I have always been very wary of pushing DD (she’s autistic so would have been very bad anyway). I know 2 women who pushed and pushed their children as they wanted them to be the best/top unis. They both crashed and burned in their first term and dropped out. Probably because there was no one stood over them organising their lives for them.

Yes, I’m interested if big issues cause this

I can recognise bits of myself in this-I left a 17 year high level career to be a SAHP. Of COURSE I was PTA chair…..!

Maybe she's trying to give her children the best life possible, great experiences, great activities etc. I'd think she loves her kids tbh

This is a pretty common parenting style, you sound almost shocked by it

It isn’t though, the average parent is not doing everything that the OP has listed. Some of it? yes. All of it? nope.

You choose not to cook properly and choose not to restrict screen time?

I don't think the mum you're referencing is the one that should be being judged...

I know someone like this, I think it's a superiority thing, she wants to be the best, get praised etc Her kids seem happy though.

Such a weird question! I might counter with something like “I wonder what drives someone to have children they aren’t interested in—no home cooking, no trips for walking and historic interest, denying them socialization with teammates ir exposure to the arts. See how weird and judgmental that sounds?

Are these things so bad?

To me it sounds like she wants to be involved with her children's school and to help where she can, she wants her family to eat healthily, she wants her kids to try a range of different activities and be interested in the world and provide opportunities for them and she wants them to be well rounded people without the need to have their heads stuck in front of a screen for unlimited time.

I feel like shes someone I should aspire to be like 😬

Yes, agree with this

Your choices don't sound very good for your kids, tbh.

You've kind of answered your own question. It's because they are naturally very driven with lots of energy and enthusiasm, so need to channel it.

I’m totally not, but I’ve known these people long enough (2 are siblings, one is a cousin) to be able to see reality.
I do some of the same stuff myself.. but the point is constant hamster-wheeling whilst the parent is so fucking unhappy.

This is what worries me