To wonder what makes a mum be like this?

[Ovenpizzafordinner]

Very driven and ambitious in terms of the children. Head of PTA, attends school trips, all school competitions and so obviously wants to win.
Lots of after school activities, no rest for the kids, various tutors. Pushing children to do shows and perform for others.
Holidays always very educational, lots of walking, historical sights.
Lots of mingling with wealthier families or wanting to be around influential/successful families. Cooking everything from scratch, being very strict about eating chocolate etc. Very strict about screen time.

Whilst I agree/admire some of this, it must be exhausting surely? Plus, is it good for the children?

What makes a mum like this? It doesn’t look a happy place to be

Gawd knows. I guess they're just aspirational and value educational attainment a lot. And sound like they're very competitive perfectionists. I don't really have anything in common with people like that.

So yeah. I can imagine the kids rebelling severely against it all as soon as they can if it's really stifling. Which it must be. You'd feel they wouldn't be satisfied until the child was top of the class for everything, all the time.

Exactly. People do this stuff because they enjoy it.

Just because you don't enjoy it, and don't understand it, doesn't mean they're wrong.

I'm actually struggling to understand your posts.

The op didn't say whether the woman was a working parent or a sahp. She said nothing about the woman's attitude to working parents. Or to SAHPs for that matter.

I did a lot of that as a working parent. Others, who were SAHPs didn't do most of that. It's irrelevant whether the parent is working or not, although activities are often easier to access if you are a SAHM or have some way of getting the dc to them during the day.

Yes the dance thing is very big with the girls in the family, they don’t look to enjoy it at all but spend weekends doing lots of competitions

@MaggiesShadow

The problem is though that none of this sounds bad, does it

As I said nuance. The mums I know that fit this stereotype don’t allow their dc anything UPF or no socialising for the AW term because they are preparing for grammar tests.

You sound very jealous op i wonder if shes doing some things you wish you were doing but cant be bothered??
You seem awfully invested in what this mum is doing. Why don't you concentrate on your own family.

Also parents can see children as an extension of themselves.

This is a thing and often means dc are pushed into activities they don’t want to do.

🙄

She’s family

They don’t look happy

This is particularly nasty. And weird. Plenty of working mothers manage to feed their children well and limit screentime!

Among the people I know like this, it is a displacement activity for: in person A their eating disorder; in person B their anxiety (probably low self esteem) and person C their fact their father is a bully to the point of being a monster.

God I thought this was going to be about a mum moving from boyfriend to boyfriend and neglecting their children. She’s hardly committing the crime of the century.

Ah, so it is jealousy. I figured. Is this a SIL?

Hmm I don’t know, I do a lot of stuff on OP and I guess I find it easier than doing the other stuff? Eg educational holidays and walking … interesting and keeps me fit. Cooking from scratch … tasty and keeps us all feeling good and healthy. Less screen time … keeps the children happier and sleep better. So some of it is long term thinking over short term reward maybe?

I do lots of this stuff. I’m so baffled by this thread.

I enjoy cooking and it’s not exactly difficult, so my children eat well. What else would I do? Deliberately eat food that I don’t like?

and holidays - those types of holidays are what my husband and I enjoy! Why would I take holidays that I don’t enjoy?

I do very much like the idea that other school mums may be hypothesising about some imagined trauma causing my life choices, though. I’m quite a dull person so any extra intrigue is helpful!

You sound like a mental health expert 🙄

All mums think what they do is right and the best thing and what all the other mums do is too much or too little. Just do your best and don't complain about what other people do, they probably think you are a rubbish mum too for all different reasons but just as justified in their minds.

Hahaha
I do most of this stuff too. I thought cooking healthy meals, encouraging hobbies and limiting choc and screen time is just normal parenting. I def admire people who can deal with all the PTA crap though. I just donate and run a mile.

Performative parenting, “look at how good I am at mumming!”

There are a LOT of these relentless Type A mothers on MN 😂 there was one the other day proudly regaling us with the time her adult daughter wasn’t “getting ahead” at work, so she took her out and spent ££££ on “pastel blouses” and suits - and hey presto! Promotion! They have learned very early in life that appearances are everything, accruing as much moolah as possible is the meaning of life and if you’re not winning, you’re losing. They’re everywhere in life, but they tend to go into a special kind of overdrive when they have children.

Me too! My children are young adults/late teens now and don't appear to have been driven to eating disorders or chronic anxiety because they played sports thrice a week but I suppose time will tell.

Or just like to give the kids healthy meals? What’s that do with performative anyway??

some of you have massive chips on their shoulders

I understand but they seem miserable and barely play or relax

We have different ideas of Type A mums because nothing in OP suggests this woman is anything other than a pretty good mum...

And pretty low standards if feeding children actual food rather than ready meals is showing off!