To wonder what makes a mum be like this?

[Ovenpizzafordinner]

Very driven and ambitious in terms of the children. Head of PTA, attends school trips, all school competitions and so obviously wants to win.
Lots of after school activities, no rest for the kids, various tutors. Pushing children to do shows and perform for others.
Holidays always very educational, lots of walking, historical sights.
Lots of mingling with wealthier families or wanting to be around influential/successful families. Cooking everything from scratch, being very strict about eating chocolate etc. Very strict about screen time.

Whilst I agree/admire some of this, it must be exhausting surely? Plus, is it good for the children?

What makes a mum like this? It doesn’t look a happy place to be

Why do you choose not to?

Wanting their children to have a better start in life than they did.

I do those things…I do not do all of it and to this extent, it’s a lot

Wonder what your relative would say about your parenting

@Randomuser2026 Lots of my classmates had eating disorders (highly academic girls grammar school).

Tbh I lean towards the pushy parenting style of parenting although I have no interest in the PTA or ferrying my dc around at all hours for a sport. However my dc are different to me & don’t like that pressure so I have to compromise.

For those saying some of these mums (ones with children competing in lots of areas like sport/academics) are not doing it performatively - some are. I know one who has posted every single detail of her daughter's uni applications process for a difficult subject (selfies at university X and Y, cheering photo for each offer and so on). Photo of sweaty daughter on every run as she is training for a half marathon. Every result of each school hockey/netball match or cross country race. It is relentless and she never ever mentions the two younger ones who are less sporty and academic. Interestingly - both boys.

I went to a school where failure in GSCEs / A levels was considered failure in life and that the best people went to Oxbridge, with everyone else thought of as inferior to some degree.

I now see that happiness is more important than success or money, but the indoctrination at the time was totally consuming.

Yes it frightened us to get better results than if we had not been scared / programmed, but there were occasional suicides due to the pressure. It's not worth it.

AND there's no great correlation between school results and eventual success in career or money either.

Because I want my children to be happy and relaxed

What makes a mum be like this?

Presumably, they enjoy it? Believe it's best for their children? I can't think of any other reasons.

My personal experience is that children who are enrolled in multiple activities suffer from that but not from the rest of it.

My children are adults now. But I cooked from scratch every night, they both did clubs and activities but my rule was one creative (choir or a musical instrument); one sport (swimming, gymnastics, dance) and one life skill/sociable (Brownies, Cubs etc). They were also allowed to change and try other things. And we also did 'educational' holidays (places of historical interest and not beach/lying by the pool holidays).

But that's because I thought that eating proper food was important, I did similar activities as a child and went on similar holidays. I also had plenty of time to play and engage in creative activities at home as did my children.

We did lots of camping, hiking, were members of the National Trust, and I took them to music festivals, the Proms, outdoor theatres, we baked and made jam and even ginger beer because I enjoyed those things and so did they. I've never taken them on an all inclusive holiday, to a holiday park and I've never bought chicken nuggets.

It's just the lifestyle I was brought up with so the one I continued for my children because I thought it was a good lifestyle for them to have. I was able to do more things with them than my parents did with me because I had a higher income and enjoyed things that parents hadn't. Higher income was relative though - I still had a fairly low income and was a single parent for much of it but I prioritised doing those things.

YABU

People are allowed to have ambitions for their kids.

Not sure what wrong with taking kids on outings or having after school clubs.

I think the mum you've described is over the top and doubt there's any that do all of that. But most mums are probably doing some activities with their kids.

We did lots of camping, hiking, were members of the National Trust, and I took them to music festivals, the Proms, outdoor theatres, we baked and made jam and even ginger beer because I enjoyed those things and so did they. I've never taken them on an all inclusive holiday, to a holiday park and I've never bought chicken nuggets

Mine love a camping trip and chicken nuggets …

And the mum you talk about doesn't want that for her children?

Holidays always very educational, lots of walking, historical sights.

Maybe they just, gasp, like those things?

Lots of mingling with wealthier families or wanting to be around influential/successful families.

Maybe they just, gasp, like those people? Since I imagine those people don't include you, I can only assume that your rather snotty view is at a distance to this person's actual life, rather than your imagined one.

Regardless, having a clear idea about what you're providing for your child and a good ability to carry it through isn't a bad thing.

Think about the opposite of everything you said - that would be a bad childhood, wouldn't it?

I have known loads of these type.
Come the teenage years they had murder because the children downed tools and said no more.

Several were so talented, one in rugby, completely refused any involvement.
The parents were bereft.

I've seen it in tennis loads of times too.
You can encourage your children for sure and give opportunities, but when they become teens, they will decide with their feet.

OP does say she agrees/admires some of this. It’s maybe just the relentless pursuit of perfection she is questioning. Nobody has to do ALL the things.

And a lot of the teens carry on with classes ans sports.
Let us not forget that.

@Floraposte1

A lot of that stuff is just basic parenting - giving your kids opportunities and keeping them healthy.

Exactly. Cooking meals from scratch! What a jumped up cow! Who does she think she is?

I hate this race to the bottom mentality that seems to have crept into our society at the moment that any kind of ambition or drive to better yourself is "exhausting" or pretentious. No wonder we have the lowest productivity of pretty much any country in the world.

See also the endless bellyaching on here about the importance of allowing children to "be bored". Invariably parroted by people harking back to the 1970s or 1980s as a halcyon period for family life. I lived through the 1970s when benign neglect was standard parenting and it didn't do my generation any favours. It really irritates me that this is now held up as an aspiration.

I won't apologise for wanting to give my child all the chances I can afford and trying to give her a healthy, varied, educational and interesting life. That doesn't mean I aim to be a highly strung helicopter parent. But give me that any day over a sluggish half-existence of no aspiration.

And that’s only possible with junk food, lots of screens, no hobbies, AI holidays? I think you’re judgemental and jealous

I wasn't suggesting they were mutually exclusive, just describing what I did.

The OP hasn’t said that though.

@GreyCarpet I was just standing up for chicken nuggets!

Exactly. But it’s well known levels of reading comprehension are very low on forums.

You should be thankful of families like this - they’re lifestyle choices are lowering your taxes.

I expect the cooking from scratch and sport will save the NHS £££ in chronic conditions related to obesity.

I expect the removal of screen time will support their emotional development and reduce their risk of chronic MH and social issues as teenagers which saves the NHS and allows them to work and contribute tax to society.

I expect all the money this parent as head of PTA raises for your school supports the school budget and other childrens education.

Equally her volunteering on school trips allows sufficient adult headcount for the trips to even go ahead and others children benefit from her effort.

Participation in after school activities and tutoring is keeping small businesses ticking over.

How do you know she wants them to win every competition - maybe she recognises the grit developed from participating, trying and failing.

Looks to me that her chosen lifestyle doesn’t just benefit her children directly but also contributes to society at a national and local level financially and logistically and we all benefit (including your DCs) from people like this.

Even their choice to walk on holiday and go to historic places may also be a relief to you that they are not in your way or taking up space on your holiday destination.

What’s not to love?

It depends on your kids surely?

DC1 was happy with plenty of downtime. Great!

DC2 isn’t. She is a duracell bunny, very social and wants to be doing ALL the activities and seeing all her friends all the time. So, yep, as much as possible I facilitate this. I would much rather be at home on the sofa than driving to bloody hockey netball gymnastics etc believe me!

Cooking from scratch (ish) and limited screen time, I do because I think it’s important and I have the time. And I don’t like ready meals.

We don’t do school competitions because I and they CBA. But I know kids who want to do them. I volunteer at school an above average amount because I’m not working but I’m definitely not going to be head of the PTA. But I’m glad someone is, and I wouldn’t denigrate them for it.

Basically you sound like you have a massive chip on your shoulder about how much effort this woman and others like her make.

But she is scornful of people who like going for walks or sightseeing on holiday, people whose children attend activities after school, people who monitor their children's screen time and people who cook their own food.

What other conclusion would you draw?