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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU, fear of death

216 replies

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:48

I was raised a Christian and grew up believing in god however I've recently come to the realisation that god is very very unlikely. For anyone interested here is my reasoning behind this conclusion:

A lot of people argue that the universe has to have a cause. The universe doesn't have to make sense, we cant just extend human logic to the universe. According to Einsteins Theory of Relativity, the big bang was the beginning of time. The argument "what came before the universe" or "how could the universe have appeared out of nowhere" doesn't make sense as there is quite literally no BEFORE the universe (time emerged alongside it). I know, mindboggling. That's why I said the universe doesn't' have to make sense it doesn't follow human logic.

Second of all it's very clear that all religions are created by humans. There is no reason to believe we are the centre of gods creation. Animals have conscience and it is VERY likely intelligent life exists somewhere else in the universe. There is no reason to assume we are special (like mosts religions suggest) simply because we appear to have more intelligence than other species. Also it's illogical to assume that god, the creator of the entire universe, would care about petty things, such as sex before marriage, gay sex, all these sins in the bible, these are very clearly moral values imposed by humans.

Also religion is very clearly based on fear. People are scared of death and so they resort to believing in a higher power and an afterlfie for comfort. People are scared of the unkown and so they use religon to explain concepts that cannot be explained. In the Roman Empire people used to believe gods are responsible for storms. Now we know that storms are caused by weather cycles and so this explanation falls apart. And yet we still have many unanswered questions, such as why does the universe exist, and so people resort to religion to explain them. People are also very scared to question religion, as they fear leaving it could lead to eternal suffering, hell. Religion is so powerful because most never question it due to fear of what happens if they do and due to how powerfully they've been indoctrinated.

There is no reason to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion. I used to be christian and I used to convince myself that christianity is real based on "all of the evidence for christ". Now that I look at this evidence from an objective standpoint it's very clear it cannot be held as actual evidence. For example the proof we have that Jesus resurrected are accounts written 100 years after his death by people who weren't alive at the time of his life. All religion has equal evidence. NONE. It is irrational to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion simply because of faith. There's literally zero reason when all have no evidence. Everyone claims their religion is the ONLY true religion.

As a result I've become quite sad recently, acknowledging that all of us have an inevitable death. Neuroscience makes it clear that conscience is an illusion created by the brain. As neurological activity ceases, conscience also ceases. I've heard that you won't suffer during death as you won't be aware of your non existence, just like before birth. But can you imagine your conscience not existing forever? It's crazy that one day we will not exist for eternity. I understand we won't feel it, just like we didn't feel anything before birth, but at least before birth our lives were still to come and after death what if there's nothingness forever? Sad really.

Is my fear irrational, has anyone been in a similar situation?

If we were born even 500 years later, biological immortality will maybe be possible. Death wouldn't be an issue. If only we were born a little later...

OP posts:
Cat1504 · 12/02/2026 17:50

So what’s your question?

raspberets · 12/02/2026 17:51

I wouldn’t want to be immortal.

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:52

raspberets · 12/02/2026 17:51

I wouldn’t want to be immortal.

would you rather cease to exist forever

OP posts:
raspberets · 12/02/2026 17:53

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:52

would you rather cease to exist forever

Yes. The idea of hell frightened me when I tried religion.

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 17:55

I have s similar history to you and I see all the points you've raised, but I still have the fear of what if we are actually wrong, and God is real, and we end up being tortured in hell for eternity.

TheMorgenmuffel · 12/02/2026 17:55

People use the idea of an afterlife to comfort themselves because the idea of just becoming nothing is frightening.
Its understandable.

BlueJuniper94 · 12/02/2026 17:56

You mention sex before marraige and gay sex just being arbitrary man made morals - they're not, there is actually very coherent theological reasons to do with the telos of man.

Would you consider speaking to a priest about this?

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 12/02/2026 17:57

So what if there is nothingness forever? Once we are gone and left this world then we won't be aware of it so it won't matter. Just like the world existed before we were born into it.

Do you really want immortality? And its something that would be hideous as the world would be so overpopulated. Where the hell would everyone go/live? There would come a time when there would be no room for us all which would have its own consequences. I don't think I would want to be here for that.

And I don't want to live forever. I want to live a nice, long and happy life and then leave this world with no regrets and a sense of gratefulness for the life that I led. This is what I strive for everyday.

LoftyPlumLion · 12/02/2026 17:57

Don’t you find it liberating? Isn’t the meaning we create in life enough? Doesn’t looking up at the stars give you the sense of awe?

i don’t want that moment of death to hurt but apart from that not existing should not be scary.

I’ve enjoyed my time on this earth and hope to enjoy more but if the universe has other plans then so be it.

Be thankful you’re not a wild animal, nature is brutal. Base your ethics on getting a society as far from that as possible. Compassion and empathy are much better guides for ethics than some fictional magic book.

for what it’s worth i actually believe in a god, but I see nothing around me in the universe that indicates omnipotence. So a flawed prime mover makes sense to me. I’d not try and force it on you though, make up your own mind. The whole thing is preposterous, don’t take yourself too seriously, nobody in a hundred years will care. So don’t worry about it.

KeyboardCat · 12/02/2026 17:57

I completely agree with you, and it's a fascinating debate. I believe, personally, that religion was invented as a method of control, and that we can't comprehend not existing.

However, everyone on the planet didn't exist before 1800, but it happened, we understand it as history but somehow doesn't correlate in our consciousness that we, too, will cease to exist.

I think that it's absolutely true that we can't comprehend death, and we try to make it better by saying there's an afterlife. I would love to think there's a spirit or essence left after a loved one dies (I have lost 2 this year already) but I think of it more as they live on in our memory and we find comfort in that. Which is a very good thing.

Ricky Gervais put it quite well when he said 'I bet I believe in only one less God than you', because there are so many nuances and contradictions between religions and quite literally there can be no 'one true religion'.

It's something I think about a lot, what gives us comfort and we're conditioned to believe.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 17:58

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 17:55

I have s similar history to you and I see all the points you've raised, but I still have the fear of what if we are actually wrong, and God is real, and we end up being tortured in hell for eternity.

I feel that that would make god a monster.

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 17:58

raspberets · 12/02/2026 17:58

I feel that that would make god a monster.

I agree. But what if its true?

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:58

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 17:55

I have s similar history to you and I see all the points you've raised, but I still have the fear of what if we are actually wrong, and God is real, and we end up being tortured in hell for eternity.

That's exactly the issue with religion!!! It is so powerful because of FEAR. Do you really believe an all-loving god would send you to eternal hell simply because you did not worship him. Hell is very clearly a human made concept that keeps people from thinking clearly. Also if your only reason for believing in god becuase you are scared of an eternal hell, do you really love god? it's ridiculous how religion is made

OP posts:
raspberets · 12/02/2026 17:59

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:58

That's exactly the issue with religion!!! It is so powerful because of FEAR. Do you really believe an all-loving god would send you to eternal hell simply because you did not worship him. Hell is very clearly a human made concept that keeps people from thinking clearly. Also if your only reason for believing in god becuase you are scared of an eternal hell, do you really love god? it's ridiculous how religion is made

This is the conclusion I came to with my flirtation with religion.

MaggiesShadow · 12/02/2026 17:59

YABU to be scared of something you won't be aware of.

Personally, I can't think of anything worse than forever. I was brought up Catholic and this idea of heaven was supposed to be our prize for "good behaviour". Even as a child I felt like eternity sounded more like a punishment.

Anything, even something supposedly good, lasting for ALL ETERNITY makes me absolutely terrified. Nothing should last forever.

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 18:00

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:58

That's exactly the issue with religion!!! It is so powerful because of FEAR. Do you really believe an all-loving god would send you to eternal hell simply because you did not worship him. Hell is very clearly a human made concept that keeps people from thinking clearly. Also if your only reason for believing in god becuase you are scared of an eternal hell, do you really love god? it's ridiculous how religion is made

I think its actually very clever how religion is made. Diabolical even.

Randomuser2026 · 12/02/2026 18:00

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:52

would you rather cease to exist forever

Yes, if the alternative is immortality.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:01

MaggiesShadow · 12/02/2026 17:59

YABU to be scared of something you won't be aware of.

Personally, I can't think of anything worse than forever. I was brought up Catholic and this idea of heaven was supposed to be our prize for "good behaviour". Even as a child I felt like eternity sounded more like a punishment.

Anything, even something supposedly good, lasting for ALL ETERNITY makes me absolutely terrified. Nothing should last forever.

I agree. When I die I want complete oblivion. I’m exhausted with life and won’t have any energy to deal with life after death.

1000StrawberryLollies · 12/02/2026 18:01

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:48

I was raised a Christian and grew up believing in god however I've recently come to the realisation that god is very very unlikely. For anyone interested here is my reasoning behind this conclusion:

A lot of people argue that the universe has to have a cause. The universe doesn't have to make sense, we cant just extend human logic to the universe. According to Einsteins Theory of Relativity, the big bang was the beginning of time. The argument "what came before the universe" or "how could the universe have appeared out of nowhere" doesn't make sense as there is quite literally no BEFORE the universe (time emerged alongside it). I know, mindboggling. That's why I said the universe doesn't' have to make sense it doesn't follow human logic.

Second of all it's very clear that all religions are created by humans. There is no reason to believe we are the centre of gods creation. Animals have conscience and it is VERY likely intelligent life exists somewhere else in the universe. There is no reason to assume we are special (like mosts religions suggest) simply because we appear to have more intelligence than other species. Also it's illogical to assume that god, the creator of the entire universe, would care about petty things, such as sex before marriage, gay sex, all these sins in the bible, these are very clearly moral values imposed by humans.

Also religion is very clearly based on fear. People are scared of death and so they resort to believing in a higher power and an afterlfie for comfort. People are scared of the unkown and so they use religon to explain concepts that cannot be explained. In the Roman Empire people used to believe gods are responsible for storms. Now we know that storms are caused by weather cycles and so this explanation falls apart. And yet we still have many unanswered questions, such as why does the universe exist, and so people resort to religion to explain them. People are also very scared to question religion, as they fear leaving it could lead to eternal suffering, hell. Religion is so powerful because most never question it due to fear of what happens if they do and due to how powerfully they've been indoctrinated.

There is no reason to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion. I used to be christian and I used to convince myself that christianity is real based on "all of the evidence for christ". Now that I look at this evidence from an objective standpoint it's very clear it cannot be held as actual evidence. For example the proof we have that Jesus resurrected are accounts written 100 years after his death by people who weren't alive at the time of his life. All religion has equal evidence. NONE. It is irrational to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion simply because of faith. There's literally zero reason when all have no evidence. Everyone claims their religion is the ONLY true religion.

As a result I've become quite sad recently, acknowledging that all of us have an inevitable death. Neuroscience makes it clear that conscience is an illusion created by the brain. As neurological activity ceases, conscience also ceases. I've heard that you won't suffer during death as you won't be aware of your non existence, just like before birth. But can you imagine your conscience not existing forever? It's crazy that one day we will not exist for eternity. I understand we won't feel it, just like we didn't feel anything before birth, but at least before birth our lives were still to come and after death what if there's nothingness forever? Sad really.

Is my fear irrational, has anyone been in a similar situation?

If we were born even 500 years later, biological immortality will maybe be possible. Death wouldn't be an issue. If only we were born a little later...

Did you mean consciousness rather than conscience? I don't see what conscience has to do with it!

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:01

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 18:00

I think its actually very clever how religion is made. Diabolical even.

Control.

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 18:01

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 17:58

I agree. But what if its true?

there is absolutely ZERO rational reason to believe its true. Prove to me that there isnt another universe with spider-man in it. You can't because it's an unfalsifiable claim. Just because something cannot be proven false doesnt mean its reasonable to assume its real.

OP posts:
ObliviousCoalmine · 12/02/2026 18:02

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:52

would you rather cease to exist forever

Yes.

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 18:04

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 18:01

there is absolutely ZERO rational reason to believe its true. Prove to me that there isnt another universe with spider-man in it. You can't because it's an unfalsifiable claim. Just because something cannot be proven false doesnt mean its reasonable to assume its real.

I KNOW!!!

BUT WHAT IF!!

That childhood teaching is powerful.

Respect to you if you've managed to get out without doubts xx

LoftyPlumLion · 12/02/2026 18:04

BlueJuniper94 · 12/02/2026 17:56

You mention sex before marraige and gay sex just being arbitrary man made morals - they're not, there is actually very coherent theological reasons to do with the telos of man.

Would you consider speaking to a priest about this?

Oh my, I’ll bite. What theological reason is there?

if the bible says man should not lie with another man, it also says don’t wear mixed fibres, and gives practical tips on how to beat one’s slaves. The bible is no source to base morality from, we had to fight against the church to get women’s rights.

look up at the majesty of creation, look at the pictures from the James Webb telescope, someone that created that does not care if you eat fish on a Friday, wear a burka or get your jollies off with somebody of the same sex.

Stop pedaling snake oil, it is immoral.

cardibach · 12/02/2026 18:04

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 17:55

I have s similar history to you and I see all the points you've raised, but I still have the fear of what if we are actually wrong, and God is real, and we end up being tortured in hell for eternity.

There’s not a lot of biblical evidence for this as an idea is there?
Plus my dad always said (as a very religious man) that there was nothing his children coukd do that would stop him loving them or which he couldn’t forgive, and he didn’t believe he was (or coukd be) a better father than God.

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