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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU, fear of death

216 replies

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:48

I was raised a Christian and grew up believing in god however I've recently come to the realisation that god is very very unlikely. For anyone interested here is my reasoning behind this conclusion:

A lot of people argue that the universe has to have a cause. The universe doesn't have to make sense, we cant just extend human logic to the universe. According to Einsteins Theory of Relativity, the big bang was the beginning of time. The argument "what came before the universe" or "how could the universe have appeared out of nowhere" doesn't make sense as there is quite literally no BEFORE the universe (time emerged alongside it). I know, mindboggling. That's why I said the universe doesn't' have to make sense it doesn't follow human logic.

Second of all it's very clear that all religions are created by humans. There is no reason to believe we are the centre of gods creation. Animals have conscience and it is VERY likely intelligent life exists somewhere else in the universe. There is no reason to assume we are special (like mosts religions suggest) simply because we appear to have more intelligence than other species. Also it's illogical to assume that god, the creator of the entire universe, would care about petty things, such as sex before marriage, gay sex, all these sins in the bible, these are very clearly moral values imposed by humans.

Also religion is very clearly based on fear. People are scared of death and so they resort to believing in a higher power and an afterlfie for comfort. People are scared of the unkown and so they use religon to explain concepts that cannot be explained. In the Roman Empire people used to believe gods are responsible for storms. Now we know that storms are caused by weather cycles and so this explanation falls apart. And yet we still have many unanswered questions, such as why does the universe exist, and so people resort to religion to explain them. People are also very scared to question religion, as they fear leaving it could lead to eternal suffering, hell. Religion is so powerful because most never question it due to fear of what happens if they do and due to how powerfully they've been indoctrinated.

There is no reason to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion. I used to be christian and I used to convince myself that christianity is real based on "all of the evidence for christ". Now that I look at this evidence from an objective standpoint it's very clear it cannot be held as actual evidence. For example the proof we have that Jesus resurrected are accounts written 100 years after his death by people who weren't alive at the time of his life. All religion has equal evidence. NONE. It is irrational to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion simply because of faith. There's literally zero reason when all have no evidence. Everyone claims their religion is the ONLY true religion.

As a result I've become quite sad recently, acknowledging that all of us have an inevitable death. Neuroscience makes it clear that conscience is an illusion created by the brain. As neurological activity ceases, conscience also ceases. I've heard that you won't suffer during death as you won't be aware of your non existence, just like before birth. But can you imagine your conscience not existing forever? It's crazy that one day we will not exist for eternity. I understand we won't feel it, just like we didn't feel anything before birth, but at least before birth our lives were still to come and after death what if there's nothingness forever? Sad really.

Is my fear irrational, has anyone been in a similar situation?

If we were born even 500 years later, biological immortality will maybe be possible. Death wouldn't be an issue. If only we were born a little later...

OP posts:
raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:01

lessglittermoremud · 12/02/2026 18:55

I think it’s natural to be scared of the unknown, the idea of dying scares me but I wouldn’t want to live forever.
My main fear is dying whilst my children are still young, I want to see them grown up and living their best lives.
I went to Sunday School and was christened, my Mother on hearing I wasn’t christening my children said that if God was real then they would be in limbo….
I replied that if they chose to get baptised when they were old enough then I would fully support them and if they died before they could choose if a God put them into limbo for my choice not to christen them then he wasn’t a God that should be worshipped.
I come into contact with many older people due to my work, a few have told me not to live as long as them (90 years plus) because it’s a miserable existence with limited mobility/sight, continence issues, their friends/spouses are dying, and many exist for days with only carer visits to look forward to but they don’t want to leave their homes.
There is no dignity in getting old one of my clients said ‘aging is not for cowards’ he was 97 years old and in relatively good health but he said that when he opened his eyes in the morning he always groaned at the fact he was still here…

This is my fear too. I think it would be kind to allow people to die peacefully when they get to feeling that way.

HK04 · 12/02/2026 19:03

You’re not being unreasonable. Your logic well thought through, but although we all know we are going to die one day the key is to also recognise and embrace that is all the more reason to live life to the full first… give meaning everywhere you possibly can, make a difference, and live every day as if it’s your last as one day we’ll be right.

PandoraSocks · 12/02/2026 19:07

Sexentric · 12/02/2026 18:42

Its funny. Im ok with the fact that one day I will no longer exist (although hopefully that time is a long time away!) But I read a book a couple of years ago called The End of Everything and it was full of theories as to what will happen to the universe eventually. Basically everything is expanding and cooling. One day there will be no more stars, they'll eventually burn out, everything will have expanded away from each other. The universe will be cold, and dark and NOTHING. and there will be no civilisation, or life or heat or light and nothing to even remember that there once was! THAT upset me way more than I thought it would. Im nit sure why really. It will be billions of years after im gone anyway. But it's the thought of NOTHING. Ugh.

I read a theory, can't remember where, that the universe will expand and expand and expand then collapse in on itself.

Then it will begin expanding again in the exact same way as it did previously. Everything that happened before will happen all over again in exactly the same way. Every single living thing which has lived and died will do so again in exactly same way.

I am not keen that theory.

Jaffalemons · 12/02/2026 19:08

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 17:55

I have s similar history to you and I see all the points you've raised, but I still have the fear of what if we are actually wrong, and God is real, and we end up being tortured in hell for eternity.

That’s brain washing for you. It goes deep.

FWIW I’m also a reformed believer so also had that fear.

Sexentric · 12/02/2026 19:10

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:47

That makes me very sad for nature. Flora and fauna. It’s a beautiful planet when allowed to do its own thing,

Exactly. And not just our planet but all planets everywhere. Its so sad

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:14

Sexentric · 12/02/2026 19:10

Exactly. And not just our planet but all planets everywhere. Its so sad

It’s that which I’ll miss, the birds and animals and beautiful landscape.

MaggiesShadow · 12/02/2026 19:17

This thread has made me realise I'm a lot more pragmatic and unfeeling about death than I thought I was.

I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

Allusernamesaretakendammit · 12/02/2026 19:18

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:48

I was raised a Christian and grew up believing in god however I've recently come to the realisation that god is very very unlikely. For anyone interested here is my reasoning behind this conclusion:

A lot of people argue that the universe has to have a cause. The universe doesn't have to make sense, we cant just extend human logic to the universe. According to Einsteins Theory of Relativity, the big bang was the beginning of time. The argument "what came before the universe" or "how could the universe have appeared out of nowhere" doesn't make sense as there is quite literally no BEFORE the universe (time emerged alongside it). I know, mindboggling. That's why I said the universe doesn't' have to make sense it doesn't follow human logic.

Second of all it's very clear that all religions are created by humans. There is no reason to believe we are the centre of gods creation. Animals have conscience and it is VERY likely intelligent life exists somewhere else in the universe. There is no reason to assume we are special (like mosts religions suggest) simply because we appear to have more intelligence than other species. Also it's illogical to assume that god, the creator of the entire universe, would care about petty things, such as sex before marriage, gay sex, all these sins in the bible, these are very clearly moral values imposed by humans.

Also religion is very clearly based on fear. People are scared of death and so they resort to believing in a higher power and an afterlfie for comfort. People are scared of the unkown and so they use religon to explain concepts that cannot be explained. In the Roman Empire people used to believe gods are responsible for storms. Now we know that storms are caused by weather cycles and so this explanation falls apart. And yet we still have many unanswered questions, such as why does the universe exist, and so people resort to religion to explain them. People are also very scared to question religion, as they fear leaving it could lead to eternal suffering, hell. Religion is so powerful because most never question it due to fear of what happens if they do and due to how powerfully they've been indoctrinated.

There is no reason to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion. I used to be christian and I used to convince myself that christianity is real based on "all of the evidence for christ". Now that I look at this evidence from an objective standpoint it's very clear it cannot be held as actual evidence. For example the proof we have that Jesus resurrected are accounts written 100 years after his death by people who weren't alive at the time of his life. All religion has equal evidence. NONE. It is irrational to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion simply because of faith. There's literally zero reason when all have no evidence. Everyone claims their religion is the ONLY true religion.

As a result I've become quite sad recently, acknowledging that all of us have an inevitable death. Neuroscience makes it clear that conscience is an illusion created by the brain. As neurological activity ceases, conscience also ceases. I've heard that you won't suffer during death as you won't be aware of your non existence, just like before birth. But can you imagine your conscience not existing forever? It's crazy that one day we will not exist for eternity. I understand we won't feel it, just like we didn't feel anything before birth, but at least before birth our lives were still to come and after death what if there's nothingness forever? Sad really.

Is my fear irrational, has anyone been in a similar situation?

If we were born even 500 years later, biological immortality will maybe be possible. Death wouldn't be an issue. If only we were born a little later...

Its terrifying and strangely liberating (mostly terrifying) but having lost 2 close friends and a parent in my 30s, as horrifying as it is, it shook me to prioritise trying to live my damn life. I would bring them back in a heartbeat but to make sense of it, making the most of what we have in this moment is easier now with these realisations.

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 19:18

PandoraSocks · 12/02/2026 19:07

I read a theory, can't remember where, that the universe will expand and expand and expand then collapse in on itself.

Then it will begin expanding again in the exact same way as it did previously. Everything that happened before will happen all over again in exactly the same way. Every single living thing which has lived and died will do so again in exactly same way.

I am not keen that theory.

it's pretty unlikely as the universe is expnding at a FASTER and FASTER. Dark energy is the reason as to why the universe is expanding whilst gravity is the force that pulls it back in. it appears as tho dark energy is a space constant so its as space expands the same amount of energy is produced per amount of space expanded. dark energy is stronger than gravity which is why the universe is expanding. not only that dark energy keeps increasing whilst gravity just gets weaker because particles spread out. as a result the universe is very likely to jsut keep acclerating and eventually there will be even nothingness in the universe itself

OP posts:
raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:19

MaggiesShadow · 12/02/2026 19:17

This thread has made me realise I'm a lot more pragmatic and unfeeling about death than I thought I was.

I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

It has to be a good thing! It’s inevitable so best to accept it peacefully.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 12/02/2026 19:20

I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of being dead. I think of all the things I'll miss out on. All the people I'll leave behind. I think about, what if my kids (who are adults now, but that doesnt matter) NEED me. There will be so many life events they will have that I wont be there for, good and bad. It would be a comfort if I believed there was life after death, then I could see those who have already passed that I miss and know that I would again see my kids and grandkids one day. But sadly none of that makes one bit of realistic sense. Once we are gone, we are gone. I never want to die.

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 19:23

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 12/02/2026 19:20

I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of being dead. I think of all the things I'll miss out on. All the people I'll leave behind. I think about, what if my kids (who are adults now, but that doesnt matter) NEED me. There will be so many life events they will have that I wont be there for, good and bad. It would be a comfort if I believed there was life after death, then I could see those who have already passed that I miss and know that I would again see my kids and grandkids one day. But sadly none of that makes one bit of realistic sense. Once we are gone, we are gone. I never want to die.

i guess the best hope is just freezing ourselves after we die and hoping for the best. its the best hope we have to be brought back to life eventually. the technology is very likely going to exist one day. yes when the body is frozen some damage is done to the brain but surely damage that is fixable through future biotech. the biggest risk is that the company goes bust before such tech is invented and so they dispose of our bodies. the more people who freeze themself the bigger the chances we get brought back as it reduces the chances the company actually goes bust

OP posts:
Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:25

I find the idea of ceasing to exist forever terrifying. I choose to believe that we reincarnate and I will be aware of myself as a consciousness inside a body once again. I have existed once!

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:26

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 19:23

i guess the best hope is just freezing ourselves after we die and hoping for the best. its the best hope we have to be brought back to life eventually. the technology is very likely going to exist one day. yes when the body is frozen some damage is done to the brain but surely damage that is fixable through future biotech. the biggest risk is that the company goes bust before such tech is invented and so they dispose of our bodies. the more people who freeze themself the bigger the chances we get brought back as it reduces the chances the company actually goes bust

What if you’re very old and not in the best of health though? Or are you hoping they will have come up with some scientific way to restore you to a younger model?

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:28

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:25

I find the idea of ceasing to exist forever terrifying. I choose to believe that we reincarnate and I will be aware of myself as a consciousness inside a body once again. I have existed once!

You’ll have to start all over again as a baby, learning from scratch and will have no recollection of your previous existence.

GalaxyJam · 12/02/2026 19:29

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:52

would you rather cease to exist forever

Personally yes. I find this idea really comforting. I knew nothing before I was born, and I’ll know nothing after I die.

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:31

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:28

You’ll have to start all over again as a baby, learning from scratch and will have no recollection of your previous existence.

I know that, I don't mean "me" as a product of my experiences. Just the "me" that means I am awake, looking out of some eyes, using a brain and aware I exist. In the way I am me and not anyone else. Might not even be human.

HoppityBun · 12/02/2026 19:32

Well, as Woody Allen said, I’m not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Dust we are, and unto dust we return. I find that quite comforting. What I dread is age and enfeeblement

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:33

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:31

I know that, I don't mean "me" as a product of my experiences. Just the "me" that means I am awake, looking out of some eyes, using a brain and aware I exist. In the way I am me and not anyone else. Might not even be human.

Edited

In your possibility, could you reincarnate as an animal for example?

Wilnis7 · 12/02/2026 19:34

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 17:58

I agree. But what if its true?

true that god is a monster?

cardibach · 12/02/2026 19:36

HoppityBun · 12/02/2026 19:32

Well, as Woody Allen said, I’m not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Dust we are, and unto dust we return. I find that quite comforting. What I dread is age and enfeeblement

Edited

This exactly. My worries are about becoming a burden and losing independence.

Catza · 12/02/2026 19:36

Correct. And I would much rather make the most of every short moment on this planet before my existence ends forever than be hanging on a cloud for eternity, reincarnate as a cockroach or burn in hell.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:37

cardibach · 12/02/2026 19:36

This exactly. My worries are about becoming a burden and losing independence.

It plays on my mind a lot. Even worse than a feeble body is a feeble mind. It’s a cruel existence.

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:37

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:33

In your possibility, could you reincarnate as an animal for example?

Yes, I did say potentially not human.

Purplestarballoon · 12/02/2026 19:37

What I find mind scrambly if we’re talking about our existence having a definite start and finish, is what was there before our universe and in billions of years what next? I think we like neat little stories that start and end but that gives me more questions…