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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU, fear of death

216 replies

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:48

I was raised a Christian and grew up believing in god however I've recently come to the realisation that god is very very unlikely. For anyone interested here is my reasoning behind this conclusion:

A lot of people argue that the universe has to have a cause. The universe doesn't have to make sense, we cant just extend human logic to the universe. According to Einsteins Theory of Relativity, the big bang was the beginning of time. The argument "what came before the universe" or "how could the universe have appeared out of nowhere" doesn't make sense as there is quite literally no BEFORE the universe (time emerged alongside it). I know, mindboggling. That's why I said the universe doesn't' have to make sense it doesn't follow human logic.

Second of all it's very clear that all religions are created by humans. There is no reason to believe we are the centre of gods creation. Animals have conscience and it is VERY likely intelligent life exists somewhere else in the universe. There is no reason to assume we are special (like mosts religions suggest) simply because we appear to have more intelligence than other species. Also it's illogical to assume that god, the creator of the entire universe, would care about petty things, such as sex before marriage, gay sex, all these sins in the bible, these are very clearly moral values imposed by humans.

Also religion is very clearly based on fear. People are scared of death and so they resort to believing in a higher power and an afterlfie for comfort. People are scared of the unkown and so they use religon to explain concepts that cannot be explained. In the Roman Empire people used to believe gods are responsible for storms. Now we know that storms are caused by weather cycles and so this explanation falls apart. And yet we still have many unanswered questions, such as why does the universe exist, and so people resort to religion to explain them. People are also very scared to question religion, as they fear leaving it could lead to eternal suffering, hell. Religion is so powerful because most never question it due to fear of what happens if they do and due to how powerfully they've been indoctrinated.

There is no reason to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion. I used to be christian and I used to convince myself that christianity is real based on "all of the evidence for christ". Now that I look at this evidence from an objective standpoint it's very clear it cannot be held as actual evidence. For example the proof we have that Jesus resurrected are accounts written 100 years after his death by people who weren't alive at the time of his life. All religion has equal evidence. NONE. It is irrational to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion simply because of faith. There's literally zero reason when all have no evidence. Everyone claims their religion is the ONLY true religion.

As a result I've become quite sad recently, acknowledging that all of us have an inevitable death. Neuroscience makes it clear that conscience is an illusion created by the brain. As neurological activity ceases, conscience also ceases. I've heard that you won't suffer during death as you won't be aware of your non existence, just like before birth. But can you imagine your conscience not existing forever? It's crazy that one day we will not exist for eternity. I understand we won't feel it, just like we didn't feel anything before birth, but at least before birth our lives were still to come and after death what if there's nothingness forever? Sad really.

Is my fear irrational, has anyone been in a similar situation?

If we were born even 500 years later, biological immortality will maybe be possible. Death wouldn't be an issue. If only we were born a little later...

OP posts:
cardibach · 12/02/2026 18:05

BlueJuniper94 · 12/02/2026 17:56

You mention sex before marraige and gay sex just being arbitrary man made morals - they're not, there is actually very coherent theological reasons to do with the telos of man.

Would you consider speaking to a priest about this?

Is there bollocks

NotMeAtAll · 12/02/2026 18:05

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:52

would you rather cease to exist forever

I would.

BTW the Big Bang and Relativity are different things. One isn't a necessary consequence of the other.

namechangeabc123 · 12/02/2026 18:06

I do believe, in a non Christian way, that we live on, but I’m still really scared of death. I’m scared of the pain, the process, the unknown. Whether we have souls that survive the dying process or not, I still think it’s a terrifying thought. I try to not think about it too much.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:06

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 18:04

I KNOW!!!

BUT WHAT IF!!

That childhood teaching is powerful.

Respect to you if you've managed to get out without doubts xx

Yes, a child’s mind is so open to that fear and it’s hard to get rid of even when you become an adult.

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 18:07

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 18:04

I KNOW!!!

BUT WHAT IF!!

That childhood teaching is powerful.

Respect to you if you've managed to get out without doubts xx

If we are being rational that is not a likely outcome AT ALL... If god did create this universe there's no reason to assume he would care about human morality at all. we are very clearly not the centre of this universe, we exist because we are lucky, because we can.

also if hell and heaven exists, where do babies go after death? if they go to hell that's cruel because they didnt get a fair chance at life. if they go to heaven thats also not fair because it means some get a free pass to heaven. Hell and heaven are ABSURD.

OP posts:
raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:07

namechangeabc123 · 12/02/2026 18:06

I do believe, in a non Christian way, that we live on, but I’m still really scared of death. I’m scared of the pain, the process, the unknown. Whether we have souls that survive the dying process or not, I still think it’s a terrifying thought. I try to not think about it too much.

I get scared about how I will die and hope it doesn’t last long. My grandmother died in her sleep which has to be the kindest way.

BudgetBuster · 12/02/2026 18:08

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:52

would you rather cease to exist forever

100%
I plan to live my life, then die in peace and that'll my stint over.

I would hate to be immortal. I wouldn't be excited for or appreciate anything in life if I thought it was going to go on forever.

LoftyPlumLion · 12/02/2026 18:08

raspberets · 12/02/2026 17:53

Yes. The idea of hell frightened me when I tried religion.

Edited

Why would an all powerful being need to scare you into behaving?

All I would need is some scientifically verifiable proof of their existence and I’d worship the hell out of them.

why invent the scientific method , make it massively compelling and then exclude themself from it? Seems dishonest to me.

namechangeabc123 · 12/02/2026 18:09

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:07

I get scared about how I will die and hope it doesn’t last long. My grandmother died in her sleep which has to be the kindest way.

Yes, that’s got to be the best way. I’ve had loved ones who were given a terminal diagnosis and I always think that must be so frightening.

1000StrawberryLollies · 12/02/2026 18:09

I agree with you that there is no god, that the universe doesn't have to make sense, and that religions were made up by humans - initially as a way to rationalise things they didn't understand in the world, but then they soon started using is as a means of control. And yes, stories of afterlives were obviously invented to make people less scared of death.

The difference between you and me, OP, is that none of this bothers me much. I am fine with there not being a god or a divine plan. Fine with the idea of me not existing after I die, just like I didn't exist before I was born. The only thing that bothers me about death is the prospect of a painful death through sickness or injury. Maybe it's because I was not brought up religious, so I don't feel I have 'lost' anything.

Ilovemycatalot · 12/02/2026 18:11

Most of the time life is shit with a few good bits sprinkled in to keep you going.
Death is really nothing to fear.

Viviennemary · 12/02/2026 18:12

Its the not knowing that bothers me. I dont think there is anything after death. I used to but don't now, But can't be 100% sure.

frozendaisy · 12/02/2026 18:12

Unless we as humans all start to get along better and work to build self sustaining cities on stilts there won’t be a planet capable of supporting never ending immortal humans. If we could fix the body never to decay we will find another way of destroying ourselves.

All we know is the life you have today it’s more beneficial to enjoy that and face the end when it comes rather than waste your life worrying beforehand

BlueJuniper94 · 12/02/2026 18:12

LoftyPlumLion · 12/02/2026 18:04

Oh my, I’ll bite. What theological reason is there?

if the bible says man should not lie with another man, it also says don’t wear mixed fibres, and gives practical tips on how to beat one’s slaves. The bible is no source to base morality from, we had to fight against the church to get women’s rights.

look up at the majesty of creation, look at the pictures from the James Webb telescope, someone that created that does not care if you eat fish on a Friday, wear a burka or get your jollies off with somebody of the same sex.

Stop pedaling snake oil, it is immoral.

What is moral?

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 18:12

LoftyPlumLion · 12/02/2026 18:08

Why would an all powerful being need to scare you into behaving?

All I would need is some scientifically verifiable proof of their existence and I’d worship the hell out of them.

why invent the scientific method , make it massively compelling and then exclude themself from it? Seems dishonest to me.

Exactly!! People like to assume the whole universe operates on their logic. If there was a god it ridiculous to assume he would have such a fragile ego that he needs to be worshiped by his creation.

also many rleigions teach gay sex etc. is immoral. Clearly a god who created rhw whole universe understands that minds are wired differently. some are attracted to men. some to women. whats inherently immoral about having sex with who you want? literally nothing

OP posts:
LoftyPlumLion · 12/02/2026 18:12

What if vampires are true? Better put some garlic above the door.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:13

namechangeabc123 · 12/02/2026 18:09

Yes, that’s got to be the best way. I’ve had loved ones who were given a terminal diagnosis and I always think that must be so frightening.

I also fear living too long, not being able to look after myself, relying on others, losing dignity. Tbh I would welcome a terminal diagnosis where I could see an end in sight.

BlueJuniper94 · 12/02/2026 18:14

cardibach · 12/02/2026 18:05

Is there bollocks

It's ok to disagree, but the reasoning is actually there.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:15

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 18:12

Exactly!! People like to assume the whole universe operates on their logic. If there was a god it ridiculous to assume he would have such a fragile ego that he needs to be worshiped by his creation.

also many rleigions teach gay sex etc. is immoral. Clearly a god who created rhw whole universe understands that minds are wired differently. some are attracted to men. some to women. whats inherently immoral about having sex with who you want? literally nothing

He allegedly made us that way after all! So it would mean he made mistakes with his creations.

cardibach · 12/02/2026 18:16

BlueJuniper94 · 12/02/2026 18:14

It's ok to disagree, but the reasoning is actually there.

Interesting you didn’t just share it.
I also love the way religious people think non-religious people arrived at their opinion out of ignorance, rather than from a lot of reading and studying.

namechangeabc123 · 12/02/2026 18:16

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:13

I also fear living too long, not being able to look after myself, relying on others, losing dignity. Tbh I would welcome a terminal diagnosis where I could see an end in sight.

It depends on the age it’s given, I guess. I do think an awful lot of people live far too long in bad health these days. I fear that.

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 18:17

Viviennemary · 12/02/2026 18:12

Its the not knowing that bothers me. I dont think there is anything after death. I used to but don't now, But can't be 100% sure.

Neuroscience makes it very clear that life after death is very unlikely. According to neuroscience, consciousness is an illusion created by electrical signals in our neurons. When they cease so does consciousness. There is no soul very likely, life is an illusion created by electricity. People often ask, can AI ever gain consciousness and the answer is it probably can if consciousness is just VERY VERY VERY VERY complex electrical connections.

Our brains make lots of illusions. According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, the past the present and the future are all happening simultaneously. It's our brains which create this illusion of the flow of time. In the same way that glowing whitish time is created by our brains, so is consciousness.

I reckon one day we will find a way to slow down this flow of time. Some animals experience time quicker some slower. If we find a way to change this clock life will feel much much longer without actually being longer.

OP posts:
MaggiesShadow · 12/02/2026 18:17

LoftyPlumLion · 12/02/2026 18:12

What if vampires are true? Better put some garlic above the door.

Aside from the garlic thing, I would argue that it's more realistic that vampires exist, honestly...

TheMorgenmuffel · 12/02/2026 18:17

BlueJuniper94 · 12/02/2026 18:14

It's ok to disagree, but the reasoning is actually there.

Are you going to share it?

NotMeAtAll · 12/02/2026 18:18

BlueJuniper94 · 12/02/2026 17:56

You mention sex before marraige and gay sex just being arbitrary man made morals - they're not, there is actually very coherent theological reasons to do with the telos of man.

Would you consider speaking to a priest about this?

There isn't. The thing about theological justifications is that you have to first accept axioms, and build your argument from that. There is no logical basis to these fundamental beliefs, and this is how one religion's self-evident "truths" may be heresies in another religion.