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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU, fear of death

216 replies

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:48

I was raised a Christian and grew up believing in god however I've recently come to the realisation that god is very very unlikely. For anyone interested here is my reasoning behind this conclusion:

A lot of people argue that the universe has to have a cause. The universe doesn't have to make sense, we cant just extend human logic to the universe. According to Einsteins Theory of Relativity, the big bang was the beginning of time. The argument "what came before the universe" or "how could the universe have appeared out of nowhere" doesn't make sense as there is quite literally no BEFORE the universe (time emerged alongside it). I know, mindboggling. That's why I said the universe doesn't' have to make sense it doesn't follow human logic.

Second of all it's very clear that all religions are created by humans. There is no reason to believe we are the centre of gods creation. Animals have conscience and it is VERY likely intelligent life exists somewhere else in the universe. There is no reason to assume we are special (like mosts religions suggest) simply because we appear to have more intelligence than other species. Also it's illogical to assume that god, the creator of the entire universe, would care about petty things, such as sex before marriage, gay sex, all these sins in the bible, these are very clearly moral values imposed by humans.

Also religion is very clearly based on fear. People are scared of death and so they resort to believing in a higher power and an afterlfie for comfort. People are scared of the unkown and so they use religon to explain concepts that cannot be explained. In the Roman Empire people used to believe gods are responsible for storms. Now we know that storms are caused by weather cycles and so this explanation falls apart. And yet we still have many unanswered questions, such as why does the universe exist, and so people resort to religion to explain them. People are also very scared to question religion, as they fear leaving it could lead to eternal suffering, hell. Religion is so powerful because most never question it due to fear of what happens if they do and due to how powerfully they've been indoctrinated.

There is no reason to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion. I used to be christian and I used to convince myself that christianity is real based on "all of the evidence for christ". Now that I look at this evidence from an objective standpoint it's very clear it cannot be held as actual evidence. For example the proof we have that Jesus resurrected are accounts written 100 years after his death by people who weren't alive at the time of his life. All religion has equal evidence. NONE. It is irrational to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion simply because of faith. There's literally zero reason when all have no evidence. Everyone claims their religion is the ONLY true religion.

As a result I've become quite sad recently, acknowledging that all of us have an inevitable death. Neuroscience makes it clear that conscience is an illusion created by the brain. As neurological activity ceases, conscience also ceases. I've heard that you won't suffer during death as you won't be aware of your non existence, just like before birth. But can you imagine your conscience not existing forever? It's crazy that one day we will not exist for eternity. I understand we won't feel it, just like we didn't feel anything before birth, but at least before birth our lives were still to come and after death what if there's nothingness forever? Sad really.

Is my fear irrational, has anyone been in a similar situation?

If we were born even 500 years later, biological immortality will maybe be possible. Death wouldn't be an issue. If only we were born a little later...

OP posts:
raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:38

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:37

Yes, I did say potentially not human.

Do you think you’d have a choice? If so, what animal would you prefer?

PURPLErainiswhatmadePrincegreat · 12/02/2026 19:39

well, go back to Christianity , my dear. There is only one way to Heaven and this is Jesus. Believe it, this is all that it takes. A good heart to believe something beautiful, pure and sacrificial, freely given to you. Literally, what are you waiting for. And all others on this website

PURPLErainiswhatmadePrincegreat · 12/02/2026 19:40

we discussed already on another thread that people can discuss religion as much they like and all theories. Faith is a different matter, it is a way to God in a personal relationship

Echobelly · 12/02/2026 19:40

My feeling is that I won't feel anything when I'm dead, so why worry about it? I comfort myself with the old chestnut that you live on in the memories of those around you and yes, that will eventually pass into history too, but again it's not like I'll know.

I should add, not all religions play on the fear of death. I'm Jewish and the idea is to live a good life because its the right thing to do, rather than primarily about supernatural judgement after death. And we know that any religion with reincarnation also functions differently in that respect.

GalaxyJam · 12/02/2026 19:41

PURPLErainiswhatmadePrincegreat · 12/02/2026 19:39

well, go back to Christianity , my dear. There is only one way to Heaven and this is Jesus. Believe it, this is all that it takes. A good heart to believe something beautiful, pure and sacrificial, freely given to you. Literally, what are you waiting for. And all others on this website

I don’t believe that to be true. So in my opinion, I’d be waiting for… absolutely nothing. Because Heaven doesn’t exist.

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:41

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:38

Do you think you’d have a choice? If so, what animal would you prefer?

No, no choice. I didn't have one when I was born a human female. I don't know - ideally not one of those insects that is born with no mouth and lives 24 hours, like a mayfly!

Giant tortoise. 😁

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:41

PURPLErainiswhatmadePrincegreat · 12/02/2026 19:39

well, go back to Christianity , my dear. There is only one way to Heaven and this is Jesus. Believe it, this is all that it takes. A good heart to believe something beautiful, pure and sacrificial, freely given to you. Literally, what are you waiting for. And all others on this website

Are you suggesting we unbelievers con ourselves into believing?

GalaxyJam · 12/02/2026 19:42

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:38

Do you think you’d have a choice? If so, what animal would you prefer?

I fancy a Gnu.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:43

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:41

No, no choice. I didn't have one when I was born a human female. I don't know - ideally not one of those insects that is born with no mouth and lives 24 hours, like a mayfly!

Giant tortoise. 😁

Haha, yes a mayfly would be a short life!

A tortoise would be a pretty chilled, laid back life,

I’d like to experience being a little bird, a blue tit. They live a communal life and get to fly.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:44

GalaxyJam · 12/02/2026 19:42

I fancy a Gnu.

😁. Why?

Ninerainbows · 12/02/2026 19:46

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:43

Haha, yes a mayfly would be a short life!

A tortoise would be a pretty chilled, laid back life,

I’d like to experience being a little bird, a blue tit. They live a communal life and get to fly.

A bird would be amazing actually.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:46

Echobelly · 12/02/2026 19:40

My feeling is that I won't feel anything when I'm dead, so why worry about it? I comfort myself with the old chestnut that you live on in the memories of those around you and yes, that will eventually pass into history too, but again it's not like I'll know.

I should add, not all religions play on the fear of death. I'm Jewish and the idea is to live a good life because its the right thing to do, rather than primarily about supernatural judgement after death. And we know that any religion with reincarnation also functions differently in that respect.

Does your religion accept that once you die that’s it Echobelly?

GalaxyJam · 12/02/2026 19:46

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:44

😁. Why?

Not sure really, they just look quite cool 😁

AIBU, fear of death
BooneyBeautiful · 12/02/2026 19:47

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:06

Yes, a child’s mind is so open to that fear and it’s hard to get rid of even when you become an adult.

I consider myself to be a spiritual person, as opposed to a religious one, but I went to a C of E primary school and, to this day, I still have to eat fish on a Friday. Quite ridiculous really, but it somehow now seems to be ingrained!

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:47

GalaxyJam · 12/02/2026 19:46

Not sure really, they just look quite cool 😁

Handsome! And strong.

PandoraSocks · 12/02/2026 19:47

Echobelly · 12/02/2026 19:40

My feeling is that I won't feel anything when I'm dead, so why worry about it? I comfort myself with the old chestnut that you live on in the memories of those around you and yes, that will eventually pass into history too, but again it's not like I'll know.

I should add, not all religions play on the fear of death. I'm Jewish and the idea is to live a good life because its the right thing to do, rather than primarily about supernatural judgement after death. And we know that any religion with reincarnation also functions differently in that respect.

the idea is to live a good life because its the right thing to do, rather than primarily about supernatural judgement after death

I really like that philosophy.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 12/02/2026 19:49

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:52

would you rather cease to exist forever

I don't believe we cease to exist forever, we just cease to exist in this form.

I like that we don't know what came before or what will come after the universe has ended.

I like to think we aren't the first universe at all, and I like to believe the big bang/big crunch theory, and imagine that all the atoms in existence will crunch all together all at once and create another big bang, and they'll form new things in new ways, and everything that was me will get to experience being parts of everything else.

I'm not religious or spiritual, but I have had a fear of death that stopped me being able to go out and live life. These days I don't let it bother me.

NotMeAtAll · 12/02/2026 19:51

PURPLErainiswhatmadePrincegreat · 12/02/2026 19:39

well, go back to Christianity , my dear. There is only one way to Heaven and this is Jesus. Believe it, this is all that it takes. A good heart to believe something beautiful, pure and sacrificial, freely given to you. Literally, what are you waiting for. And all others on this website

Believing "something beautiful, pure and sacrificial, freely given to you" doesn't require what you believe in to actually exist.

Contrarymary30 · 12/02/2026 19:52

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:48

I was raised a Christian and grew up believing in god however I've recently come to the realisation that god is very very unlikely. For anyone interested here is my reasoning behind this conclusion:

A lot of people argue that the universe has to have a cause. The universe doesn't have to make sense, we cant just extend human logic to the universe. According to Einsteins Theory of Relativity, the big bang was the beginning of time. The argument "what came before the universe" or "how could the universe have appeared out of nowhere" doesn't make sense as there is quite literally no BEFORE the universe (time emerged alongside it). I know, mindboggling. That's why I said the universe doesn't' have to make sense it doesn't follow human logic.

Second of all it's very clear that all religions are created by humans. There is no reason to believe we are the centre of gods creation. Animals have conscience and it is VERY likely intelligent life exists somewhere else in the universe. There is no reason to assume we are special (like mosts religions suggest) simply because we appear to have more intelligence than other species. Also it's illogical to assume that god, the creator of the entire universe, would care about petty things, such as sex before marriage, gay sex, all these sins in the bible, these are very clearly moral values imposed by humans.

Also religion is very clearly based on fear. People are scared of death and so they resort to believing in a higher power and an afterlfie for comfort. People are scared of the unkown and so they use religon to explain concepts that cannot be explained. In the Roman Empire people used to believe gods are responsible for storms. Now we know that storms are caused by weather cycles and so this explanation falls apart. And yet we still have many unanswered questions, such as why does the universe exist, and so people resort to religion to explain them. People are also very scared to question religion, as they fear leaving it could lead to eternal suffering, hell. Religion is so powerful because most never question it due to fear of what happens if they do and due to how powerfully they've been indoctrinated.

There is no reason to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion. I used to be christian and I used to convince myself that christianity is real based on "all of the evidence for christ". Now that I look at this evidence from an objective standpoint it's very clear it cannot be held as actual evidence. For example the proof we have that Jesus resurrected are accounts written 100 years after his death by people who weren't alive at the time of his life. All religion has equal evidence. NONE. It is irrational to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion simply because of faith. There's literally zero reason when all have no evidence. Everyone claims their religion is the ONLY true religion.

As a result I've become quite sad recently, acknowledging that all of us have an inevitable death. Neuroscience makes it clear that conscience is an illusion created by the brain. As neurological activity ceases, conscience also ceases. I've heard that you won't suffer during death as you won't be aware of your non existence, just like before birth. But can you imagine your conscience not existing forever? It's crazy that one day we will not exist for eternity. I understand we won't feel it, just like we didn't feel anything before birth, but at least before birth our lives were still to come and after death what if there's nothingness forever? Sad really.

Is my fear irrational, has anyone been in a similar situation?

If we were born even 500 years later, biological immortality will maybe be possible. Death wouldn't be an issue. If only we were born a little later...

Enjoyable interesting post.

ObliviousCoalmine · 12/02/2026 19:52

I don’t know if being brought with zero religion and being very much encouraged to question and critically analyse things has played a part but I don’t fear death or whatever might be after that (I assume nothing).

I do fear the cruelty that humans impose on the dying. That’s the bit I’m actually worried about.

ImPamDoove · 12/02/2026 19:54

But death is frightening for most. How can the idea of just ceasing to be, be anything but? That’s why so many people believe (or convince themselves they believe) in something after death.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 19:57

I admit that I’ve thought seriously about ending my life on a couple of occasions and went down a terrifying rabbit hole about how suicides were punished in the most horrific way. Took me a long time to shake it off and realised it was just another person pushing his religion.

Catza · 12/02/2026 19:58

PURPLErainiswhatmadePrincegreat · 12/02/2026 19:39

well, go back to Christianity , my dear. There is only one way to Heaven and this is Jesus. Believe it, this is all that it takes. A good heart to believe something beautiful, pure and sacrificial, freely given to you. Literally, what are you waiting for. And all others on this website

But why? What's the attraction of eternal afterlife no matter how beautiful it may be?

GalaxyJam · 12/02/2026 19:59

ImPamDoove · 12/02/2026 19:54

But death is frightening for most. How can the idea of just ceasing to be, be anything but? That’s why so many people believe (or convince themselves they believe) in something after death.

It genuinely isn’t frightening to me. I didn’t exist before I was born. I will go back to that state. It is comforting to me rather than frightening. We’re just a tiny, tiny part of history.

User0311 · 12/02/2026 20:00

I’m terrified of death. What do you mean I only get 50 years (if I’m lucky) with my children? Then cease to exist forever and ever and never see them again!? My mind can’t comprehend it