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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU, fear of death

216 replies

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 17:48

I was raised a Christian and grew up believing in god however I've recently come to the realisation that god is very very unlikely. For anyone interested here is my reasoning behind this conclusion:

A lot of people argue that the universe has to have a cause. The universe doesn't have to make sense, we cant just extend human logic to the universe. According to Einsteins Theory of Relativity, the big bang was the beginning of time. The argument "what came before the universe" or "how could the universe have appeared out of nowhere" doesn't make sense as there is quite literally no BEFORE the universe (time emerged alongside it). I know, mindboggling. That's why I said the universe doesn't' have to make sense it doesn't follow human logic.

Second of all it's very clear that all religions are created by humans. There is no reason to believe we are the centre of gods creation. Animals have conscience and it is VERY likely intelligent life exists somewhere else in the universe. There is no reason to assume we are special (like mosts religions suggest) simply because we appear to have more intelligence than other species. Also it's illogical to assume that god, the creator of the entire universe, would care about petty things, such as sex before marriage, gay sex, all these sins in the bible, these are very clearly moral values imposed by humans.

Also religion is very clearly based on fear. People are scared of death and so they resort to believing in a higher power and an afterlfie for comfort. People are scared of the unkown and so they use religon to explain concepts that cannot be explained. In the Roman Empire people used to believe gods are responsible for storms. Now we know that storms are caused by weather cycles and so this explanation falls apart. And yet we still have many unanswered questions, such as why does the universe exist, and so people resort to religion to explain them. People are also very scared to question religion, as they fear leaving it could lead to eternal suffering, hell. Religion is so powerful because most never question it due to fear of what happens if they do and due to how powerfully they've been indoctrinated.

There is no reason to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion. I used to be christian and I used to convince myself that christianity is real based on "all of the evidence for christ". Now that I look at this evidence from an objective standpoint it's very clear it cannot be held as actual evidence. For example the proof we have that Jesus resurrected are accounts written 100 years after his death by people who weren't alive at the time of his life. All religion has equal evidence. NONE. It is irrational to believe your religion is any more true than any other religion simply because of faith. There's literally zero reason when all have no evidence. Everyone claims their religion is the ONLY true religion.

As a result I've become quite sad recently, acknowledging that all of us have an inevitable death. Neuroscience makes it clear that conscience is an illusion created by the brain. As neurological activity ceases, conscience also ceases. I've heard that you won't suffer during death as you won't be aware of your non existence, just like before birth. But can you imagine your conscience not existing forever? It's crazy that one day we will not exist for eternity. I understand we won't feel it, just like we didn't feel anything before birth, but at least before birth our lives were still to come and after death what if there's nothingness forever? Sad really.

Is my fear irrational, has anyone been in a similar situation?

If we were born even 500 years later, biological immortality will maybe be possible. Death wouldn't be an issue. If only we were born a little later...

OP posts:
MaggiesShadow · 12/02/2026 18:18

aliveandhealthy · 12/02/2026 18:17

Neuroscience makes it very clear that life after death is very unlikely. According to neuroscience, consciousness is an illusion created by electrical signals in our neurons. When they cease so does consciousness. There is no soul very likely, life is an illusion created by electricity. People often ask, can AI ever gain consciousness and the answer is it probably can if consciousness is just VERY VERY VERY VERY complex electrical connections.

Our brains make lots of illusions. According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, the past the present and the future are all happening simultaneously. It's our brains which create this illusion of the flow of time. In the same way that glowing whitish time is created by our brains, so is consciousness.

I reckon one day we will find a way to slow down this flow of time. Some animals experience time quicker some slower. If we find a way to change this clock life will feel much much longer without actually being longer.

Genuine question - why would you want this?

letmebetheone · 12/02/2026 18:18

Its like when you read about someone dying and someone writes 'Now reunited with suchabody'.
Really! So a wife is reunited with an abusive husband. Elizabeth Taylor is reunited with 5 husbands all waiting for her. My ex husband will have 3 wives joining him. Children are reunited with the parents who murdered them.
When you are gone, you are gone.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:19

namechangeabc123 · 12/02/2026 18:16

It depends on the age it’s given, I guess. I do think an awful lot of people live far too long in bad health these days. I fear that.

Yes, I’ve had to go for hospital appointments quite a lot lately with much waiting. Seeing old people lying on beds in corridors having to be changed by (super, lovely nurses) because they’ve lost control of their bodies. A lot of them don’t know where they are and it’s deeply upsetting.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:21

letmebetheone · 12/02/2026 18:18

Its like when you read about someone dying and someone writes 'Now reunited with suchabody'.
Really! So a wife is reunited with an abusive husband. Elizabeth Taylor is reunited with 5 husbands all waiting for her. My ex husband will have 3 wives joining him. Children are reunited with the parents who murdered them.
When you are gone, you are gone.

So Elizabeth still gets to have her pick even in death!

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:22

Ilovemycatalot · 12/02/2026 18:11

Most of the time life is shit with a few good bits sprinkled in to keep you going.
Death is really nothing to fear.

I agree and hope you’re right about the last bit.

letmebetheone · 12/02/2026 18:24

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:21

So Elizabeth still gets to have her pick even in death!

It will be Richard!

cardibach · 12/02/2026 18:24

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:22

I agree and hope you’re right about the last bit.

I think this view is pretty sad. Sorry your life is like this. Genuinely.

Random321 · 12/02/2026 18:25

Might be oversimplifying it but I think when I die, I'm gone, won't even know so it won't bother me.

I will only live on in the minds of those who have good memories of me and those too will fade over time.

Happy enough if people mourn me but only briefly as life is for the living. Nothing worse than one person dying but more than one stop stop living.

If there is anything there that reunites people in death, fantastic, great and I'll party with them all but if that's no the case, I won't even know.

BlueJuniper94 · 12/02/2026 18:25

cardibach · 12/02/2026 18:16

Interesting you didn’t just share it.
I also love the way religious people think non-religious people arrived at their opinion out of ignorance, rather than from a lot of reading and studying.

If you had done that much reading you would know the reason already (and then still be free to disagree) or have understood from what I have already said about the telos of sex. If you need me to explain, you haven't scratched the surface or done nearly enough reading or studying. Listening to 45 mins of Hitchens or Dawkins isn't really enough for something as expensive as this. And I'm not going to waste my time trying to explain something to someone who has no interest in learning. You have the internet. Ask the Catholics in r/Catholicism

Wilnis7 · 12/02/2026 18:27

BlueJuniper94 · 12/02/2026 18:12

What is moral?

doing bad things, asserting dominance over others through subteruge or instance

you don't think thats bad?

cardibach · 12/02/2026 18:29

BlueJuniper94 · 12/02/2026 18:25

If you had done that much reading you would know the reason already (and then still be free to disagree) or have understood from what I have already said about the telos of sex. If you need me to explain, you haven't scratched the surface or done nearly enough reading or studying. Listening to 45 mins of Hitchens or Dawkins isn't really enough for something as expensive as this. And I'm not going to waste my time trying to explain something to someone who has no interest in learning. You have the internet. Ask the Catholics in r/Catholicism

I don’t need you to explain. I just disagree that any of it amounts to a ‘reason’.
And in a. Religious level if being homosexual, for example, was an issue wouldn’t Jesus have said something? One word?

NotMeAtAll · 12/02/2026 18:29

"According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, the past the present and the future are all happening simultaneously."

Relativity doesn't say that. Saying that all things happen at the same time is like saying all things happen in the same place.

RaininSummer · 12/02/2026 18:30

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 17:55

I have s similar history to you and I see all the points you've raised, but I still have the fear of what if we are actually wrong, and God is real, and we end up being tortured in hell for eternity.

If you ended up being tortured in hell for eternity for considering quite reasonable questions then I think your God is a vengeful narcissist tbh. I subscribe to the oblivion belief I think.

Wilnis7 · 12/02/2026 18:33

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:15

He allegedly made us that way after all! So it would mean he made mistakes with his creations.

he made us and we messed up, so he punished us (great leadership there), then killed us all with a flood next time we messed up, then something about sending his son, who is him, but not him at the same time, to get killed to fix the next mess up we made, something about a blood sacrifice on a cross so we're all good again.

Harry Potter is more believable.

Wilnis7 · 12/02/2026 18:34

BlueJuniper94 · 12/02/2026 18:25

If you had done that much reading you would know the reason already (and then still be free to disagree) or have understood from what I have already said about the telos of sex. If you need me to explain, you haven't scratched the surface or done nearly enough reading or studying. Listening to 45 mins of Hitchens or Dawkins isn't really enough for something as expensive as this. And I'm not going to waste my time trying to explain something to someone who has no interest in learning. You have the internet. Ask the Catholics in r/Catholicism

that's not a very christian attitude

blubberyboo · 12/02/2026 18:34

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 17:58

I agree. But what if its true?

I would rather have an eternity of nothingness than spend an eternity in an idea of heaven with a god who coerced and manipulated people into loving him. If he exists he is a classic domestic abuser. Probably male invented by insecure males.

I mean whatever he thinks of as heaven must be so far removed from what we think of as heaven. Hes likely friends with Epstein up there.

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:37

blubberyboo · 12/02/2026 18:34

I would rather have an eternity of nothingness than spend an eternity in an idea of heaven with a god who coerced and manipulated people into loving him. If he exists he is a classic domestic abuser. Probably male invented by insecure males.

I mean whatever he thinks of as heaven must be so far removed from what we think of as heaven. Hes likely friends with Epstein up there.

He’s a schizophrenic god for sure.

Sexentric · 12/02/2026 18:42

Its funny. Im ok with the fact that one day I will no longer exist (although hopefully that time is a long time away!) But I read a book a couple of years ago called The End of Everything and it was full of theories as to what will happen to the universe eventually. Basically everything is expanding and cooling. One day there will be no more stars, they'll eventually burn out, everything will have expanded away from each other. The universe will be cold, and dark and NOTHING. and there will be no civilisation, or life or heat or light and nothing to even remember that there once was! THAT upset me way more than I thought it would. Im nit sure why really. It will be billions of years after im gone anyway. But it's the thought of NOTHING. Ugh.

VickyEadieofThigh · 12/02/2026 18:42

dairydebris · 12/02/2026 17:55

I have s similar history to you and I see all the points you've raised, but I still have the fear of what if we are actually wrong, and God is real, and we end up being tortured in hell for eternity.

Any god that would do that to you - because the brain HE gave you wouldn't allow you to believe in him - isn't very loving at all. Is he?

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 12/02/2026 18:43

YABU, it's scary, that's why people put their hope in religion. I find myself worrying more about my parents dying at the moment though. I asked ChatGPT for advice and it actually really helped. It said when I worry about my Dad dying to say "But he's here now" and it genuinely has helped me stop fretting.

A similar mantra about dying is:

"I don’t need forever to make today meaningful. I am alive now, and that is enough.”

I have heard a lot of people say that death is what makes life meaningful. Not sure that helps though!

xplodingkitten · 12/02/2026 18:47

I had a general anaesthetic for the first time last year. I don't know how anyone who has experienced complete loss of consciousness for a long period can believe in life after death. What is it that you think will survive the death of your body?

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:47

Sexentric · 12/02/2026 18:42

Its funny. Im ok with the fact that one day I will no longer exist (although hopefully that time is a long time away!) But I read a book a couple of years ago called The End of Everything and it was full of theories as to what will happen to the universe eventually. Basically everything is expanding and cooling. One day there will be no more stars, they'll eventually burn out, everything will have expanded away from each other. The universe will be cold, and dark and NOTHING. and there will be no civilisation, or life or heat or light and nothing to even remember that there once was! THAT upset me way more than I thought it would. Im nit sure why really. It will be billions of years after im gone anyway. But it's the thought of NOTHING. Ugh.

That makes me very sad for nature. Flora and fauna. It’s a beautiful planet when allowed to do its own thing,

raspberets · 12/02/2026 18:48

xplodingkitten · 12/02/2026 18:47

I had a general anaesthetic for the first time last year. I don't know how anyone who has experienced complete loss of consciousness for a long period can believe in life after death. What is it that you think will survive the death of your body?

I think some people believe that the consciousness/spirit lives on. And a general anaesthetic, I’d like to die like that.

lessglittermoremud · 12/02/2026 18:55

I think it’s natural to be scared of the unknown, the idea of dying scares me but I wouldn’t want to live forever.
My main fear is dying whilst my children are still young, I want to see them grown up and living their best lives.
I went to Sunday School and was christened, my Mother on hearing I wasn’t christening my children said that if God was real then they would be in limbo….
I replied that if they chose to get baptised when they were old enough then I would fully support them and if they died before they could choose if a God put them into limbo for my choice not to christen them then he wasn’t a God that should be worshipped.
I come into contact with many older people due to my work, a few have told me not to live as long as them (90 years plus) because it’s a miserable existence with limited mobility/sight, continence issues, their friends/spouses are dying, and many exist for days with only carer visits to look forward to but they don’t want to leave their homes.
There is no dignity in getting old one of my clients said ‘aging is not for cowards’ he was 97 years old and in relatively good health but he said that when he opened his eyes in the morning he always groaned at the fact he was still here…

PandoraSocks · 12/02/2026 18:58

Wilnis7 · 12/02/2026 18:34

that's not a very christian attitude

Indeed. I thought the whole point of Christianity was to spread the good news that we can all be saved.

Did Jesus or the apostles ever say "do your own research" @BlueJuniper94 ?

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