“Why would you have casual sex? Do you want a man to use your body and be done with you?l”

[Plorah]

I was with my family last weekend for a girls night. We were having a few glasses in the kitchen when an aunt said this to my 19 yo niece. I was taken aback and assumed everyone else was.

All the women present AGREED. I was really shocked as no one there is exactly a nun.

I’ve had a couple of ons and they were fun and carefree. I didn’t like the implication that sex is not about a woman’s pleasure.

This is an insane take right? I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of women I know are aligning a lot more with radical feminism these days ie Viewing and men quite cynically.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

I was just surprised this take was popular.

I am in my fifties. I had plenty of fun, casual sex back in the day. The idea that women cannot possibly enjoy sex just for the sake of it is so misogynistic.

I suppose if you can orgasm quite easily through penatrive sex ,it would be fun
But if you can't ,best hope the bloke your shagging cares enough to get you off .
Enough men in actual relationships can't be arsed to do that ,so I doubt very many ONS will

No. Never. I want to respect a bloke and want him to respect me. And I still do. But, each to their own. 🤷‍♀️

What if I want to use a man’s body for a night and be done with him?! Bloody hell, I think they are living in 1956!

The voting is 50/50? That’s also surprising!

And for women having ONS
How many would do exactly the same ,if alcohol wasn't involved

You could just reply that you were only interested in the penis. Not the thing attached to it. And even that had very limited appeal 😂

I don’t like the take. As women we have agency (I know some will argue subconsciously we don’t as we’ve been brainwashed by the patriarchy etc).

Seeking pleasure for the sake of it is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. I think it’s quite a controlling view.

Sound slike you've been doing it wrong. "Getting me off" is not an adjunct. It is part of the process.

I quite like the fingers and the tongue, too 😉

It’s very old fashion view of there’s and just makes it seem like sex is just for men.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman wanting sex with a man and not a relationship from him. It works both ways as long as everybody is on the same page.

Yes sex can be loving and deep and meaningful but it can’t also be passionate and impulsive and just sex, nothing more.

That's so surprising. of course a woman can enjoy casual sex as much as a man. all that matters is that it's safe and consensual. each to their own but that's horribly judgmental to say that.

I respect me too. And the guy I'm having casual sex with. What are you on about?

I had casual sex as a teenager but sadly it was more because I wanted attention and they wanted sex. They got what they want and I was essentially used. I wish I had more respect for myself! If the woman and man both know what they want and are happy with the arrangement then it’s fine.

Has anyone else noticed their female friends/family becoming a bit more radical in their views on sex and men? Especially women in their 30s and 40s. Or do I just live in a weird bubble.

That can certainly happen within a casual sexual relationship

Stupid women like this stole my 20s from me, convincing me that having a nice body meant I would be used

unforgivable

yanbu at all x

I find talking about one night stands with family quite bizarre.

Haha, true. But for these purposes let's keep it simple.. stronger message maybe? 😂

No I find the opposite, they are mostly eager to please
I’m mid 40s and having the best time of my life sleeping with different people and experiencing different things, bodies, techniques. It’s mutual pleasure and if there is using involved then it’s both people using each other! I hate these outdated attitudes
Though obviously it does happen that some women sleep with men hoping for relationships which don’t happen. They should learn to enjoy sex for sex sake.

I think there are more puritanical attitudes around these days, and they're not necessarily informed or influenced by religion, either. They're also not necessarily right-wing. (Communism in the Soviet Union had quite a puritanical flavour, in some respects.)

I call it "secular puritanism".

Why would you lack respect for someone you choose to have sex with?

Or do they think that once you've had one shag you're obliged to marry them in case it makes the poor person feel like they've been sold a fairytale.

'You shagged me but you don't even LOVE me?! Waaahh!!!'

Unless you're a manipulative liar to start with I don't see how that situation could ever arise?

Username checks out

I’m 50/50 on this.

I don’t like the way your aunt worded it. As though women can’t enjoy sex.

OTOH, I am a woman, and although I have had ons in the past, I can’t say I enjoyed them. They were usually the result of too much alcohol. I wouldn’t say that the men were using me though. In fact they generally wanted to pursue things further.

I think for me I need to have a connection with someone to enjoy the sex, whether that’s really fancying them or liking them as a person, and if you have those things then I’d want to see them again. So for me, a ons doesn’t really make sense.

Although I accept that other people feel differently.

I also think having casual sex could be risky for your health so I find it a bit grim tbh.

I'm entirely liberated when it comes to women enjoying sex as much as men, but my experience has been ONS sex has been crap, so if the bloke doesn't know how or can't be arsed to please you then it does end up benefiting him more. I'm way past that stage now sadly, but if I ever find myself there again I won't be partaking till I have reason to believe it'll be worth it for me!