“Why would you have casual sex? Do you want a man to use your body and be done with you?l”

[Plorah]

I was with my family last weekend for a girls night. We were having a few glasses in the kitchen when an aunt said this to my 19 yo niece. I was taken aback and assumed everyone else was.

All the women present AGREED. I was really shocked as no one there is exactly a nun.

I’ve had a couple of ons and they were fun and carefree. I didn’t like the implication that sex is not about a woman’s pleasure.

This is an insane take right? I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of women I know are aligning a lot more with radical feminism these days ie Viewing and men quite cynically.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

I was just surprised this take was popular.

Ahh I'm so conflicted because I absolutely absorbed that message when I was younger.

Now I'm older, I don't judge it but I struggle to think of many circs where I'd want impulsive sex. Maybe on holiday or a work trip? But for me, regardless of patriarchal messaging, I enjoy the building of a connection more than the release of sex and a few hours of chat isn't enough to whet my whistle 🙈 I also found it deeply off putting as a younger woman when you just knew men were only talking to you with the hope of sex. It felt so gross and objectified and didn't do it for me.

I expect im in the minority here but I also don't like sex after alcohol. All the movement makes me feel sick 😝🤮

So again it comes back to a lack of circs.

Maybe whst your family are poorly articulating is less about women having sex and more about how gross they find men looking for any body to have sex with?

Speak for yourself. I used to have a fabulous time shagging random men I had only met that evening! (In my early 20s before I met DH!) I definitely enjoyed it. I did it in some questionable places too! 😆 (Sometimes in a public place... not in front of anyone directly, but in a public place yes... sometimes with people not far away, eg, on a train!) I had some exciting sexual experiences with one night stands! I am sorry you have never had this experience.

nb, I have also had many exciting sexual experiences with my DH!!! 😃

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What an odd take. Plenty of men care about women's enjoyment even if it's during casual sex.

It's amazing how many people on Mumsnet - many of them women who claim to be feminists - are incredibly judgemental about women who enjoy casual sex, cannot seem to comprehend that a woman might not care in the slightest if a man they sleep with doesn't want to see them again, and seem to think that sex is some sort of gift we should bestow upon men as a reward for commitment, rather than something a woman might just want to do for her own enjoyment.

So I'm not actually surprised that you've encountered these people in real life too, OP.

*I suppose if you can orgasm quite easily through penatrive sex ,it would be fun
But if you can't ,best hope the bloke your shagging cares enough to get you off *

This is a really odd take and certainly never a problem I've experienced when having 'casual' sex.

Do you honestly think a one-night stand has to mean nothing but penetrative sex with no foreplay? And are you not able to ask men for what you want in bed? Surely if you need something else to make you come, you tell them what that is and you don't move on to the penetrative sex until you're ready. That's what I've always done.

This notion that there's no respect or care involved in a one-night-stand and that it's about the woman being 'used' is very strange and again, seems to assume that women don't/can't enjoy sex for its own sake.

Yeah and me. I don’t judge others - each to their own, but I know what I need, and I stick to it.👍

I still love sex and all that goes with it, but I need emotional attachment.

Gosh. I'm sorry for you, and the type of sex you've had.

I once told a ONS that I was on my period, so he may not want to go down there. His reply? "I love getting rusty!" 😆 And down he went.

Why do you think people who have one-night-stands don't respect each other? What is disrespectful about two people doing something they both want to do for their mutual enjoyment?

My mum always said to me she thinks it's best to only have sex with people you are in love with, but she also said that might not be how you feel that's just how I have lived so far. When I hit my twenties and male attention massively increased I learned to really love casual sex and decided not to do the same as my mum. She had no issue with that at all as long as I was happy and safe.

Most casual sex was with friends, colleagues or people I had at least met once or twice, knew a bit and had been on a date with. The only truly one night stand I ever had, met him on the night, came back to mine, he basically forced himself on me, I said no 3 times and 3 times he carried on anyway. I brushed it off as a drunken mistake and bottled it up at the back of my mind at the time but the night came back to haunt me a few years ago when #metoo was a thing and I found it quite disturbing and upsetting to address.

So I'd advise caution, I would be worried about young female relatives meeting total strangers for a random hook up - I think there is a lot of risk there, but casual sex with some caution in general is something both sexes can easily enjoy for a multitude of reasons and have a lot of fun with. I only regret that one night, all the rest were great experiences.

I find that women in my circle are nun-ish when in the long term relationship.
The second they are single- ONS become norm.

I've never had ons but don't think there's anything wrong with it (just take care of your safety and use condoms!)

😂 Rusty?! LOL!

Yes, I have had ONS who went 'down there' almost immediately! Some men really enjoy it!

this is the take from women who are with men who are average in bed, and who have not really been with anyone good.

They are of the mind set of "this sex is a bit rubbish but at least we are in a committed relationship".

Its the well its shit for me, so it must be shit for everyone else mindset.

Some of the best sex I've had has been ONS. I like sex. I'm a woman. People find that difficult to comprehend sometimes. That's their problem. YANBU.

Exactly! And I love giving a BJ. There's so much fun to be had.

I do feel sorry for the puts on serious voice "Women don't get off from penetrative sex" crowd.

I think women look at men and sex in a poor light these days.. and I think this is down to porn. Women are either sluts to be strangled and f-ed up the bum or trad-wives.
You can't just be a normal person who likes men, likes sex, respects themselves and others.

Vaginal orgasms exist, babe.

What a patronising comment, did you think women are too stupid to know what they want? I've had a sober one night stand, it was great.

White tigers also exist. Doesn't mean that most people have experienced one.

Er, OK. Next you'll be telling me that women can't have orgasms through nipple stimulation alone!

I've lost all respect for men over the years so wouldn't enjoy casual sex with a random bloke. I'd also be more concerned about safety, filming etc than back in the day. But that's me.

Completely agree.

I’ve had a fair few ONS, and while I totally understand that some people wouldn’t ever find that remotely desirable, I agree that it’s very misogynistic to essentially say “silly women, they don’t realise that they’re being used!”.

I wasn’t being used. I was enjoying myself.

I think consenting adults can do whatever they want but I don't think one night stands suit everyone. Having sex with a random stranger just doesn't appeal to me at all.

Well said. I’ve never felt disrespected, most men I’ve met have been lovely.

Wouldn't be for me.

But no judgement on anyone else's proclivities.

Other people's sex lives are none of my business.

Oh interesting topic. You are either emotionally built for casual sex or you are not. In my head, if its ok for a man to have casual sex without being flamed, then its OK for a woman too! it can be a great past-time 😉.

If its two consenting people, who both know and understand its a casual thing or just a ONS and they take appropriate precautions then its entirely their decision.

I have never had a ONS, as I have always believed I need something more in regards to the emotional connection and there are good times to be had in getting to know each others emotional and physical needs, but I also think, each to their own! As long as both parties are fully aware of the transitory nature, are open to it and are both free to do so, then enjoy.

I sometimes wish I could be like that but its just not me. It doesn't mean its wrong. The trick is finding a partner (be it a ONS or long term commitment) who is on the same wavelength.

Don't think anyone should be using anyone's body