“Why would you have casual sex? Do you want a man to use your body and be done with you?l”

[Plorah]

I was with my family last weekend for a girls night. We were having a few glasses in the kitchen when an aunt said this to my 19 yo niece. I was taken aback and assumed everyone else was.

All the women present AGREED. I was really shocked as no one there is exactly a nun.

I’ve had a couple of ons and they were fun and carefree. I didn’t like the implication that sex is not about a woman’s pleasure.

This is an insane take right? I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of women I know are aligning a lot more with radical feminism these days ie Viewing and men quite cynically.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

I was just surprised this take was popular.

No, because it's all part of the fun!

And as a PP says, when I was nearing my forties I had a load of fun with guys in their twenties.

I've been married for nearly twenty years now, with no regrets 😁

Personally I can’t do casual sex because I need an emotional connection to be attracted to someone. However I have friends who have ONS and hook ups and there’s zero judgement. Each to their own as long as it’s between consenting adult's

I would have replied "no, I want to use his body and be done with him"

Agree completely.

Analogy: if you go to a cheesemonger and they don’t have your preferred cheese but try to sell you something then you buy it, get home, taste it and realise that this is actually not at all like your preferred cheese and then next weekend you go to a different cheese monger, should you be shamed?

In more specific terms: if someone is not satisfying me in bed (while I definitely am doing all I can to satisfy him) - why on earth should I keep going back there? And if I move on to someone who can potentially satisfy me, why am I being called into question?

Surely the limp dick / selfish lover is the one who should be discussed?

Also due to patriarchy if happen to climax first and he doesn’t - it will be shouted from the roof tops. But it is socially acceptable for women to be left “hanging”.

Ah well. If you’re happy then that’s it at needs to be. I want emotional involvement and the rest, just not a random dick shoved into me. Whatever floats your boat. 👍

It's very puritanical, yes. And it shares with Puritanism the evangelical fervour of judgement. Women who don't conform to requirements are deluded, damaged, immoral or treacherous. Or all of the above. And, whichever it is, they must be scolded and if at all possible driven out, far from respectable company, for fear of any other women being infected.

Until we change the narrative that sex is just for the man, it will continue as such.

I would like to enjoy ons, but I found men absolutely did think it was all about only their pleasure.

We need to be more vocal with men and women that women's desires and fulfilment exist and matter.

And here comes the judgement 🙄

Casual sex has never been my thing, but each to their own as long as all the sensible precautions are taken.

Not being into casual sex does not mean that I deny that women absolutely have the right to pleasure. I.just prefer mine with someone I know and respect.

Weird attitude from your aunt IMO.

I absolutely loved casual sex back in the 00s and don't regret any of it. It lost its sparkle when it all moved online.

I'm one hundred percent loyal in any committed relationship and actually love the day-to-day part of being with my DH the most.

In what sense 'random'?

I have had casual sex and concluded that I need more. I need an emotional connection too, which I think is something many women need whereas men often don’t. So basically men can be satisfied by a ons but women rarely are. I don’t think it’s a misogynistic view just an opinion based on experience. I know my friends would mostly agree.

Exactly!!!

I had quite a few ONSs when I was in my teens and twenties, but in the end I think the definition of it is having sex with someone where neither of you want to see the other one again. That's pretty sad really.

I think the aunt was just trying to protect her niece from predatory men. Let's face it, one-night stands do tend to work out better for men than for women.

Which is not to say that women can't enjoy them - they absolutely can!

When I was single/dating, there were two types of men for imo - men who I could have naughty fun with, and men who I thought were a long-term bet.

But oh no, I'm some kind of Jezebel for hanging around with "random dicks" 🙄

But you have exactly the same attitude as the aunt. You've just internalised it.

Same. This is what stood out to me 😳😂

Why do so many people think you’re not respecting someone you’re having casual sex with? I had a few casual relationships including a couple of ONS in the past and always felt respected as a person. And I also respected the men. It was fun and not sordid in any way.

It’s odd to think that casual sex is seen as inherently disrespectful. I’ve never understood that.

Isn't casual sex using a man's body instead of a vibrator?

Not something I would do. The thought of a ons doesn’t appeal to me as I think sex should only be part of a loving relationship. Having said that I’d never judge anyone and as long as both parties are on the same page that’s fine.

I grew up in the postfeminist lean in era. It did nothing for us other than encourage us to lack boundaries, harm ourselves, and interpret disrespect as empowerment. The way Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver talked about thinking it was really romantic that a boy wanted to pay for their abortions...that was the era I grew up in. I would not want my daughters to grow up this way, brainwashed into thinking being used and objectified is fun or empowering.

I'm sure there are women who enjoy casual sex, but it's disingenous to suggest this is the only reason young women engage in it.

In my twenties, most of my friends who engaged on ONS and casual sex had very low self esteem and used casual sex to seek validation, generally with very depressing results. A lot of them were treated absolutely awfully by men who didn't have an ounce of respect for them.

*Boomer55 · Today 15:46
No. Never. I want to respect a bloke and want him to respect me. And I still do. But, each to their own. *

Username checks out

That name would be appropriate for me too. I don't think badly of any woman
who enjoys a ons and it doesn't make her 'lesser' in my eyes. I had plenty of opportunities when I was younger, and a few when I was older, but it was never for me. I've had sex with 3 men in my life and I was married to 2, long term relationship with number 3.

I think perhaps it depends on one's libido. Mine is quite low I suspect.

I have no issue with people having casual sex if that’s what they want, as long as they’re safe - sexually and physically. The safety aspect bothers me, I’d personally be worried about being attacked or murdered.