“Why would you have casual sex? Do you want a man to use your body and be done with you?l”

[Plorah]

I was with my family last weekend for a girls night. We were having a few glasses in the kitchen when an aunt said this to my 19 yo niece. I was taken aback and assumed everyone else was.

All the women present AGREED. I was really shocked as no one there is exactly a nun.

I’ve had a couple of ons and they were fun and carefree. I didn’t like the implication that sex is not about a woman’s pleasure.

This is an insane take right? I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of women I know are aligning a lot more with radical feminism these days ie Viewing and men quite cynically.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

I was just surprised this take was popular.

Each to their own but I couldn't have sex/intimacy with someone without having strong feelings (some would say love) for him. I associate sex with love and that is what works for me.
I have no problem whatsoever with women having sex with someone they weren't close to but it's not for me

Could it be that these woman who you say are all in relationships maybe aren’t having regular sex, or do it once in a while to keep the husband or partner happy so they think all women only have sex to please men?

Casual sex never worked for me. If I like someone enough to have sex with them, then I want to see them again, and if they don’t want to see me then I’m disappointed.

So do I. But each to their own. 🤷‍♀️

Agree.

And I have never had a one night stand nor would i ever. It’s not my bag.

But I dont judge women who do.

If we are going to judge let’s make it a full judging panel ie including men.

I don't agree with the rigidity of what she said, but I do think there's a conversation to be had about whether casual sex benefits women as much as it does men, and whether most women who have ONS are actually orgasming from them (since the orgasm gap still very much exists, I'd imagine most aren't, statistically.)

At least for my generation (I'm mid twenties) we grew up with engaging in casual sex being portrayed as the epitome of feminism/equality, but I think a lot of us have found the reality to be far from that. That doesn't mean there aren't women who can/do enjoy casual sex, but my personal view is that a lot of women have gone along with the motions of what has been held up as feminist/freeing when they actually don't like it and it doesn't serve them. Maybe that's the pushback you're witnessing in your circle? The pendulum always swings. For my generation too I think a lot of us are so sick of the porn culture and hyper-sexualisation we've grown up with and are quietly retreating from it. But still, it's an individual choice and black and white statements about it shouldn't be held up as fact.

If you say so. Why would I judge you, who I don’t know? 🤷‍♀️. I just do me.

exactly

that's what FWBs are for surely? It's not exactly casual, but it IS 'no strings'.

Why do people think that if you make a man wait for sex he’ll respect you? If a man isn’t going to respect you nothing will ever make him. Plenty of people are in marriages with awful sex.

If someone just wants a ONS then why not. Life is short and we are only young for so long. I say people should enjoy themselves (safely😂)

We live in a society where as a consenting adult you’re free to do pretty much anything you want to your body. I have no issue with women wanting to have ons. It doesn’t affect me.

i can also appreciate your families views to. As I wouldn’t enjoy sleeping with different men as I view sex as a more intimate experience that I just wouldn’t share with a random man. There is nothing wrong in either take. It’s an opinion & should he respected. It doesn’t need over analysing. You can still be liberal & accepting even if you personally wouldn’t do something, most people aren’t gay, wouldn’t participate in homosexual activities & might find the idea of the act for themselves unpleasant, but that doesn’t make them homophobic. We haven’t got to applaud each others sexual preferences or opinions.

I’ve had ons in the past and felt liberated and free and in control. However as I got older (this was in my 20s) I found it harder to just date men. Plus I got a sort of reputation amongst my friends and one even gave me a book on STDs. I ended up getting chlamydia anyway. I do think I was a bit foolish and immature at the time though. Was 00s.

I wouldn't do it, it doesn't sound nice to me. I'd feel too much disgust towards the whole thing and him.

I don’t think anyone has said that have they?

For me it’s more about working out whether you actually like the person and see any potential.

Where did they park their time machine before they departed back to the Victorian era?

Yes that was my first thought
There is no way I would have discussed with relatives when I was young and single
Back to question I had a few one night in my younger days
I could never quite separate my feelings from a one night stand so I ended up getting hurt
But each to their own.

Mm yeah, I take issue with the idea that casual sex is only, and always, one person using another and man using a woman.

Of course it can be that.

But I have had plenty of casual sex that was lots of fun for both parties and no one was 'used'.

I have always made sure that the person I have casual sex with is generally on my wavelength and not a total twat though... and I am quite happy to talk about what I want from a sexual encounter (and what I do not want).

If I'm seeking pleasure I'd rather rely on my vibrator to provide it than a random bloke I barely know. No problem with others feeling differently though.

How strange. This kind of comment seems to belong to another era altogether. Perhaps they wanted to advise the 19 year old to be careful, but there are other ways of doing that.

Internalized misogyny and sexism. Maybe they're having sex they don't enjoy with partners who don't pleasure them. Puritanism. Lots of reasons but it sounds like they think sex is only for those in committed relationships and that's a pretty unrealistic and dated view.

Nope, it's just common sense. The male reliably gets off because his penis receives a ton of direct stimulation. But he has to know what he's doing to get the woman off and her orgasm is VASTLY less guaranteed, due to the clitoris not receiving direct stimulation during sex.

I don't think ONS work well for women in a young couple.

You aren’t being unreasonable in thinking sex when you like it and how you like it is great. But- “radical feminism”?! There have been lots of waves of feminism and ironically your take (free to do what you like within reason/ consent) actually seems more modern than theirs, which sounds like second wave feminism. So maybe read up on feminism. The term is still abused. Maybe your aunts are sexually frustrated?

One of the very first comments says no because she wants respect …. And the vote is 50/50. Plenty if people still feel that if you sleep with someone random they won’t respect you

Have not done it often, but I have had a couple of casual one night stands and not regretted them. I do not feel used and it was a choice freely made.

Agree with this - I enjoyed my early 20’s when I could go out, flirt and decide if I wanted to go further with whoever had caught my eye! I was single when OLD was just really starting up properly and it was still seen as the option for older people or those who struggled to find someone when out. Don’t think I would have enjoyed casual sex / relationships if they’d all started with an app first, it was the buzz of flirting with a good looking man at the bar that did it for me!

Ageism!