“Why would you have casual sex? Do you want a man to use your body and be done with you?l”

[Plorah]

I was with my family last weekend for a girls night. We were having a few glasses in the kitchen when an aunt said this to my 19 yo niece. I was taken aback and assumed everyone else was.

All the women present AGREED. I was really shocked as no one there is exactly a nun.

I’ve had a couple of ons and they were fun and carefree. I didn’t like the implication that sex is not about a woman’s pleasure.

This is an insane take right? I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of women I know are aligning a lot more with radical feminism these days ie Viewing and men quite cynically.

Those present were ALL in relationships. Just weird

I was just surprised this take was popular.

Absolutely! I don't know much about how trauma or mental health issues affect men's sexual behaviour, but it makes sense that there would be similar effects to what women suffer.

I can't speak for pp, but I'm thinking that for those in relationships, who have discovered they have much more pleasure and satisfaction overall, they'd be reluctant to go back to one night stands if their relationship ended as they know from comparison that one night stands wouldn't be as fulfilling or pleasurable for them.

I suppose it would be different if you can't find a decent relationship and figure that one night stands are better than nothing, or if you're someone who finds little difference between one night stands and relationships in terms of satisfaction. Then, one night stands would be just as rewarding.

And can you imagine the infection risks if this guy loves doing that to multiple women? Ugh! Not sexy!!

I agree mainly but it's fair to say women can behave this way to men (though less often) :

the hook up culture of the noughties has cheapened sex to just picking a woman and ordering her like you’d order a burger off uber eats.

You mean stuff like porn, kink culture etc saying women must do everything?

Otoh you could argue that's not what was originally meant by sex positivity. I agree broadly though.

Agreed!

I think definitely one should always make clear if there's something you really don't like. And probably also vice versa. Whether in a relationship or not. How that will happen varies, I suppose.

I'm probably biased as a person with a very strong dislike that I would want anyone to know beforehand.

Not everyone can have sex when they want though. It's important to be able to satisfy it some other way. That's what fantasy, mastirbation etc are for

Yes, from the little I've read about men & SA, there definitely can be.

Of course women can lie about intentions too. But the incentives aren’t symmetrical. On most dating apps men outnumber women, and many men are open to casual sex if it’s offered directly. So women generally don’t need to misrepresent wanting a relationship in order to get sex, whereas some men may feel they do.

Yes, I agree with that - if there’s something you really don’t want to do, then it needs to be made clear. And, of course, vice versa.

It would be pointless and joyless, for me, to be taking part in any sex act that I didn’t want to do. Or for my partner to be doing something with me that he didn’t like doing.

And the plus point to being in a committed relationship is that you can talk about likes/dislikes beforehand, in a relaxed way. Not as a list of conditions, just in conversation.

No, you don't.

I do.

Exactly! Not sexy in the least! 🤮

Sex is not a need. You will not die for lack of sex. It is a proven fact.

And after all, what would you do if you wanted sex, but you couldn't find anyone who consented to sex? I'm hopeful you wouldn't rape anyone, and I'm quite certain you'd survive despite the lack of sex.

The argument that people 'need' sex is precisely the one that men use to justify prostitution and rape. They 'need' it and therefore women must provide it, or they'll take it forcefully. It's a disturbing attitude.

I’m weird about this.

I think it’s absolutely fine to have casual sex, with either sex. As long as everyone’s consenting it’s all good.

But I can’t do it myself, and never could. It’s just not me. I wish it was, I’d have loved to have some adventures in my youth.

I'm hopeful you wouldn't rape anyone, and I'm quite certain you'd survive despite the lack of sex.

Of course, but I would still want sex. Hence the need for sex to stop me wanting it.

Right, so not actually a need, just a desire that bothers you. I can understand that.

From a statistical perspective, research shows that woman are far less likely to enjoy casual sex than men, and women are far more likely to be hurt by it.

If you enjoy casual sex then fine, but YABU to assume that this is the norm.

Fair enough. Good points also.

I think, from the posts, a few men have joined in now. 🙄

I don’t think you’ll die from lack of sex, but it was (still is?) thought that regular and satisfying sexual release does actually help mental and physical health.

Something to do with the chemicals released when having an orgasm.

Whether that’s from a committed partnership, casual sex partners, masturbation /sex aids, or a combination of them all, is basically often just a matter of preference. Plus, sometimes, how your hormones are.

It’s not a need, but it’s a strong desire.

I'm just checking but you know casual sex can also involve non penetrative stimulation? Right? One night stands as far as I'm aware involwv more than a dry quicky

Yes, I know that it's thought to be good for your health and well-being to orgasm on a regular basis, but that can absolutely come from masturbation, with no need for a partner.

It just concerns me when people try to paint it as some consuming desire or need that's going to overwhelm them and has to be fulfilled, as it's the old argument that men used to justify rape - 'oh, I just couldn't control my desire, I had to!'

But if you're going to be responsible regarding sex, then you'd need dental dams for oral, and if they're going to use manual stimulation...well, many men are a bit shit at using their fingers, especially in a typical one night stand situation where they may be several drinks in and not know exactly what their partner likes having never met them before...and if you want to use a toy, then you may as well skip the risk of shit sex, rape, or STIs, and just use the toy at home by yourself 😂

And considering only 11% of women orgasm during one night stands, clearly men AREN'T doing a good job!