DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

[Minimelanie]

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

How does your son want his hair? At 5 he is more than old enough to have his opinions considered.

Op does your son want long hair or is it just what you want, maybe he asked his dad to take him

Why should your wishes over your DS's hair supercede your exP's wishes?

Also, had you actually asked your son what he wanted?

Please can you explain why your preferred hairstyle for you son takes precedence over his dad’s preferred hair style? And what does your son say? ( although I suspect at 5 he may think he has to agree with you if he senses you were upset)

I fear that if this such an issue for you, co-parenting isn't going to go at all well.

You are both equally entitled to take your son for a haircut and are both equally entitled to choose the style. Neither of you are right or wrong.

You should have told ex directly what you wanted and discussed the options rather than going through his partner. Was the message passed on? Did ex do it on purpose? Did your DS get a say? Does your DS want long hair? Maybe your DS preferred Dad’s choice?

When your DS is older he will choose his own style and neither of you will get a say.

Did your son want to grow his hair long? All I'm reading is what you want!

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

YABVU for not listening to what your son wants
Your ex was being unreasonable to not discuss

You’re being unreasonable to ignore your child’s wishes about their hair.

Surely what matters the most is what your son wants. How does he like his hair?

Listen to your son! What he wants is far more important than what you think. Do you really want him to be told he looks like a girl? Your exP did the right thing

Why do you think you get a veto here? It’s his hair and he has said he doesn’t want it long.

Sounds like DS has told you why he got shorn.

So his dad listened to your son's wishes and acted on them. How dare he! Be careful OP as your son might just decides that his father is more atune to his wishes than you and use this to his advantage.

Well that was easy to answer then, YABU.

Your DS is not too young to be bullied, there has been bullying in DS class since he started school.

If your DS doesn’t want long hair why would you make him have it? It sounds like his DF has listened to his wises and got him the haircut wanted.

There is boy in DS class with long hair, it looks lovely and he looks so pretty - if I didn’t know he was a boy I’d think he was one of the girls so your DS may have a point.

Absolutely listen to your son. Personally I like short hair in boys (and both mine have had no 3/4 since they were about 4 - now adults). But your boy will want to fit in. If he wants short hair, well done to his dad for getting it cut. YABVU.

Thank God his father puts his son’s wishes before his own.

Hes told you he doesnt want long hair

So why is your opinion more important than the childs father and the child?

Your ex or your son? Either way I think you are very niave to think bullying cant be taking place.

YABVU

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Your sone told you he wanted shorter hair and you ignored him. He told his Dad who actually listened and took appropriate action. Why did you force your son to have a style he didn’t like just because of your preference? It’s up to him.

Dont be naive kids are cruel