DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

[Minimelanie]

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

My ex husband used to cut our boys hair all the time it was so weird he almost got obsessed with it and it never looked good. But there isn’t really anything you can do, he has parental responsibility and although it’s annoying why do you have to have the say over this? My sons HATED him cutting their hair and eventfully put their foot down so really It’s down to your child . If ExP is cutting his hair totally against your wishes sounds quite controlling, but he could say you are being controlling by demanding what you want!

Obviously he isn’t too young or he wouldn’t be receiving comments. Also, it’s a hair cut. Hair grows and his father is entitled to a say. YABU.

Life is too short for this. Why do YOU get decide how he has his hair? If these are the sorts of things you get het up over I imagine your life is quite difficult.

So does ex partner have to discuss with partner evertinlme he wants to buy him aT- shirt or take him for a milkshake?

Your son is a living breathing human being with his own thoughts, preferences and desires. He is not a doll for you to accessorise according to your own preference.

So your wishes come before his dad's.
Or so you think. But both parents'wished are equally important. Obviously your ex listened to his son's wishes and acted on them.
Good for him.
You seem to be somewhat controlling.

I think YABU. Listen to your DS.

More say than your son himself?

If the price for @Minimelanie getting her way about her son’s hairstyle is him getting teased/bullied at school, I think that is far too high a price. His mental health should matter more than her feelings about his hair.

@Minimelanie
There’s your answer. You son doesn’t want long hair because he doesn’t want to be bullied. Let him have his hair how he wants.

I think it's important to give kids their autonomy as early in their lives as it is appropriate. Let them make decisions and learn to live with the consequences over small things as soon as is practicable.

It's only hair; it will grow back. Let him decide - he's a human, not your toy

That's not how it works.

Then your ex done the right thing. You have no right to override both your son and your ex's view on this.

Kids can be mean! You can't make a boy go to school with long hair unless they are fully on board.

Yabvu

So he's being bullied at school but you ignore his preference as you think he's too young to be bullied, incredible.

Sounds like he’s told his dad that he’s getting picked on for having long hair and he took action. I wouldn’t be bothered by this I’d listen to what my kid was telling me.

So you're pissed off your ex listened to his child's wishes ABOUT HIS OWN HAIR?!
Fucks sake.

more of a say than your son himself?
So this really is just about finding a reason to be arsey with your ex isn't it.

He's far from too young to be bullied. You're essentially calling your son a liar by dismissing what he's telling you. Try listening to him rather than sitting there point scoring with his dad. All of this you "have him more means you have more of a say over him" is quite honestly ridiculous. Your child has told you he's being ridiculed for having long hair and all you get from that is that he's your kid you have him more therefore it's up to you how he has his hair. He's probably asked his dad to let him have a hair cut because he knows you won't listen to him.

His hair is his choice not yours or your exes

If he is taking the child to the hairdressers/barbers then he gets to tell them how to do the child’s hair. When you take him it is up to you how it is cut. I would hope both of you would let the child have some say about his own hair.

Because the child doesn’t like it.

I kinda feel Dad knows best with boys haircuts, and Mum's know best with girls haircuts. It's certainly nothing to start WWIII about anyway.

Well thank God he knows his Dad will listen to him.

Your son should have the most say. He’s told you he doesn’t like his hair long.

Parents should work together generally but your ex did the right thing letting him have his hair cut if that’s what he wants.