DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

[Minimelanie]

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

Your son isn't a toy to dress up. YABVU to make him have a haircut he doesn't like.

I coparent and we would usually mention a change in hairstyle before a haircut however if DS's other parent wanted to force him to have a hairstyle he didn't like I'd get it cut to DS's taste without discussing it.

You need to let your DS have input in his own identity and pick your battles with your ex.

YABU

It should be your son’s choice how he has his hair.

YABU - your son’s preference is what matters

Not more than your son does! And certainly not when you're aware that bullying could be a problem. It doesn't stop existing just because you want it to.

You're lucky your son has a parent that listens to him.

I’m so on the ex’s side here. Poor little guy with his mum not listening to his wishes. Shame on you OP!!!

This is a good lesson for you to realise and teach your son about autonomy.

So your sons dad listened to what his son wants and got it done.

You are being VERY unreasonable.

It doesn't matter to be honest how YOU want your sons hair to be, even at the age of 5 he should be allowed to choose, he asked his dad and probably mentioned why so the dad got the job done

Why do you want him to have long hair? Do you secretly wish he was a girl or do you see it as"cool"? Either way your son is not an accessory, well done to his dad for treating your son as a person in his own right.

Nope.

YABVU.

That's awful. Not only are you completely dismissing that he's been bullied and going against his wishes for no good reason, you're angry at his dad for doing the right thing. You're the problem here.

I'm calling reverse. I think OP is the parent who took him for the haircut. OP is too patently unreasonable otherwise.

Definitely!

I think YABU OP - you don't get more of a say in hairstyle just because he lives with you more.

In this, and in life in general, if you just give people what they want then you'll have a much more pleasant and peaceful life.

1. You are both parents to this child. He isn’t your possession that you sometimes lend out to your ex as a favour. He gets to make decisions about your son as well as you.

2. Do you run absolutely every decision you make for your son past your ex? I doubt you do.

3. Your child has already told you himself that he doesn’t want long hair.

4. Stop putting your needs and preferences above your child’s own.

5. Personal opinion but there’s nothing worse than a little boy with long hair who is constantly being mistaken for a girl.

Well your son has his hair 100% of the time so shouldn't he have more of a say then anyone...

You and his Dad both have equal PR and it's him taking him for the haircuts. Considering you only have weekday nights and he has weekends he's spending the same amount of awake time with him.

Your DS is not a doll and it's neither here nor there how you want his hair. It's his hair.

Listen to your son - and also don't sweat the small stuff in co parenting.

This 100%

Sounds like he done him a favour to stop bullying

So his dad listened to him, took him for a smart haircut that the child actually likes, stops other kids teasing him, and HE is in the wrong 'cos you like boys with long hair?'
oh dear oh dear oh dear.

To be quite blunt, this all sounds rather controlling. Not only towards your DS but also your Ex. You need to get to grips with this tendency now, because there’ll be bigger issues than hair in the long term if you don’t stop acting the dictator.

Team dad. YABU!

YABU your ds doesn’t want it long. His dad listened to him and got his hair cut.

Besides haircuts, do you use him as a pawn for anything else in your dealings with exDP?

It's a good thing your son has his dad because if both his parents ignored his wishes and forced him to have long hair that he doesn't want it would be awful.

Your son isn't a possession.